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listen up before you go

idol loses a rocker

honestly. i havent been watching idol this season. i would admit it if i was. hell. i would be writing about it every week. twice a week. tuesday nights with my predictions and wednesday nights with my reactions to the vote off. but seriously. i havent been watching. i know whats up though bc i get us weekly, people, and entertainment weekly at home and read those religiously. we all know with tabloid mags these days, you dont need to watch anything. you just need to read. anyhoo, i actually watched last night.

it all started when i was at work yesterday. i was reading ultragrrrls blog and she wrote about the show and her love for constantine. i was a little po'ed about missing the show bc all the contestants sang songs from the past 5 years. so fun! but then i met up with georgia, fryz, the jiller and jamie for dinner and they reassured me that the performances sucked and the songs they picked were even worse. fine. then jamie invited me watch the results with her and please, how could i resist. so i watched.

even though i only got to see snippets of everyones performances, i could tell how each person was. here are my thoughts on the two worst contestants and the one who got the boot. have a looksie:

anthony is last years jpl!

both short white boys who have their own little fan base of 12 year old girls and their moms. only difference: anthony can sing but cmon, hes no clay. no one can be clay but clay.

the picture of an american idol.

my guess is that the only reason why this f*&%$# didnt get the boot is bc people are scared he will come out shoot their asses. hell. im scared too. shaker heights man. i saw the crapass movie battle of shaker heights and let me tell you - that is shit s.c.a.r.y. scary.

all i knew about this guy is what ive read - which is basically hes a wife-beater. nice. is that a requirement for idols? one must wonder. but after hearing his 5 sec clip from the results show, i think he was kicked out of one of these groups:

<---color me badd or all-4-one--->

guess what scott? i adore, me dont amor. if you werent a scary ass mofo beater, you wouldve gotten the boot.

finally. constantine. i almost shed a tear when he got the boot but lets get real. you cant have two rockers on idol. one of them had to go. plus, its easier to say bo bice than constantine maroulis so just from marketing purposes alone, bo is the winner. bo bice. ridiculous name but easy to say. but to stay with the whole motif of this post, i have another comparison to make:

constantine = a non psycho scott stapp

maybe he shouldve sang with arms wide open. damn nickelback. creed may be broken up bc religion got between them but man, they wrote some catchy-ass songs.

free shows!

check out my brosefs - for free!

brit picked the wrong baby daddy

we all know i love my britney spears. shes my bitch. i follow her life like every other paparazzo in the world but man. kfed. i think that was the biggest disappointment from her since her last album - make that the last two. anyhoo, this isnt about her music. its about her life. and the mini brits that she'll be poppin out soon.

it all hit me this weekend. ive read all the stories of her marriage and pregnancy and all but it didnt really really hit me until i saw some special on e! about sexy bachelors in hollywood - which is every male without and with a ring on their fingers.

so the segment on jtim comes on and there are clips of his sexiness, blah blah blah. then the past relationships come up and there he is with the brit. with all this k-fed nonsense, you almost forget who she coulda had her kids with:

wouldve made the most beautiful pop star babies! hot hot hot and talented too - if the kiddies got justins music genes and brits dance moves. was screwin' wade really worth losing this? who am i kidding? i wouldve slept with mr. robson too. hes HOT!!!


i know that justin wanted to eventually get back together with the brit. he just wanted her to suffer a little for cheating on him but now, he aint taking back no tainted ho. ok, so she got married - twice - but that you can get rid of. kids. kids stay forever. brit has ruined her chances of getting back with the best thing thats ever happened to her by getting knocked up by a poor money hungry rat bastard:

aint that the classiest wedding photo? i think this epitomizes their whole relationship - trash. i think a fund needs to be started for their unborn child for either
a. therapy or
b. drug habits - you know the kids gonna be addicted to something.

oh brit. lets take a look at wade again and see if it was worth the path that you are now on:

probably not but i still wouldve slept with him anyway. mmmmmmmmmmmmmm wade ;)

hansel = spicoli

take a look:

"that hansel is so hot right now!" -mugatu

mr. penn - acting has made him exhausted!

similarities are:
1. long blond hair
2. broken nose
3. goofy ass look
4. seem dumb but are clever folk

fast times is a classic but i love me my owen wilson. spittin' out korean in starsky and hutch and writing kickass films like royal tenenbaums. dont get me wrong. sean penn is cool too. he let his son join bam on viva la bam to fuck up a car knoxville was borrowing during a prank war but owen. owen is the man! you wanna fight me on this. heres my response in the words of the great hansel himself: "who are you tryin' to get crazy with, ese? dont you know im loco?"

matzoh days are comin'

ah. its that time of year again. when the supermarkets dedicate a whole aisle to kosher foods and stock shelves with matzoh. yes yes yes. time for passover. before the matzoh binges begin, jamie is having a mini shindig at the peach pit. cant wait. join-a-club(aka jo) is whipping up a whole batch of different pastries and i of course will bring the greenery that goes with my peach pit boyfriend - joe e. tata. ah, its a great bake-bake sitch. i love it! so for all who are celebrating, have a glass of mani and eat up.

one of my fave holidaze (ew. im cheesy)

happy 420 everyone. happy happy 4! no different than any other day but still, gotta recognize the wonderful powers of my fave greens. def one of my top three holidays. actually, definitely in the top two. cant decide about the what day deserves the number three spot. heres the short list of my fave holidays and the reasons why they claim the spot they have:

1. thanksgiving. yeah yeah. day of thanks. blah blah blah. you probably thought xmas would claim this spot but the reasons for why it isnt will follow a few paragraphs down (and no. its not bc i secretly wished i grew up celebrating hannukah although thats kinda true too.)

gifts are great. no doubt about it but food. i love me food. a day dedicated to feasting. what is better than that. although this past thanksgiving wasnt very traditional - me and my brosef rich (aka ichard as ive been calling him these days) had a lovely meal at benihana. so yum. so even though there was no turkey and trimming shared with a big merry fam, i still had a very delectable meal with a loved one. thats the whole point of this holiday. sharing good food with the people you love. best holiday in my book!

2. 420. of course. my next fave thing to food is the greens. so a day dedicated to appreciating this is so kickass awesome. ah. and the weather is b.e.a.utiful! best combo. greens and sun. and maybe a dunkin donuts iced coffee too.

3. xmas or bday. ok, bdays arent really holidays but neither is 420 so this can stay on the list. the obvious reason why these would be on anyones list is easy: presents! and love but presents!
bdays have a small advantage bc it brings tons of attention just for you. xmas has family gatherings but if you hate your fam, it can be a minus. so the minuses for each:

bdays: dir. the obvious what comes with every bday. another year. another year to add to your age therefore getting old. yeah. this year may be a little brutal for me as i am approaching the mid-twenties mark but i see it this way...

thirties are the new twenties. when youre in your thirties, youve already become who youre supposed to be. steady job, steady love(hopefully), steady self image. steady steady steady. nice. i personally think women look their best when theyre in their thirties and if not, then they are completely comfortable with how they look. either way, its a win-win situation. so im kinda looking forward to it. (this may also change to when the bday gets closer). so the bday minus is old age. never fun.

xmas: i know. how can anyone hate such a merry holiday. merry xmas. but come december, you can call me cass mcgrinch. oy. the long lines, crowded malls, holiday traffic, the bills, bills, bills. and if youre not a fan of spending qual time with the fam, heres another minus to your list. yeah, getting gifts is fun. i personally like giving gifts more. the pain is the bills after youve enjoyed spreading your joy to your loved ones. the bills and yes, the holiday pounds. those add up just as quickly as your bills do. nice merry holiday.

in conclusion. my two fave holidays are thanksgiving and 420 - food and pot. hmm. sounds about right to me ;)

i want to be mrs. ari

ari m-f'in gold! man hes HOT. i just finished watching an ep of entourage. so so so underrated. my fave ep is the script and the sherpa with val kilmer - best sherpa - but tonights ep has one of jeremy pivens best scenes ever(even though every scene with him is the best) - busey and the beast. the way ari rips josh weinfuck(his words exactly) a new one without even breaking a sweat. man. H.O.T. so freakin hot. ah mr. gold. that is exactly what you are - gold. i love how he takes no mercy from anyone thats in his way yet when the missus cracks out the whip, he obeys like an obedient dog. love it! you know jeremy piven is the only guy who can play ari gold bc hes definitely chill but also the biggest asshole. man. why am i finding myself attracted to all these m-f'in assholes lately. must be the attitude. attitude is so hot.

supposedly the second season will start airing in june. man i hope so. i will be waiting on my couch with much anticipation. ari. gold. doesnt get any better.

prego britney/sometimes britney

the weather is getting warmer. the clothes are getting skimpier. ah spring. the nicer weather has already taken me out of my winter blues but i may have another set of blues to sing. im not gonna lie. im not your stereotypical asian chick(and not bc of my love for cute j-boys). i didnt go to harvard, i dont play the piano/violin, and i am certainly not stick thin. ive got a few curves(just not in the chest area). my sister used to compare me to (my bitch) britney spears. especially during the stick thin years of xtina. see, britney was a bit curvier but still not fat. so i was the flat-chested britney of the fam. whatever, i'll take it.

so during the first half of last year, i was in a mini-depression. hell, anyone who still lives at home with no job would. then, i got a job and figured, since im on a roll, i might as well start working out as well. well honey hello, i was feelin' and lookin' good. i knew i could never look like "slave 4 U" britney but i was close to "sometimes" britney. that worked for me. then winter came, got the cold weather blues and cut down my gym time from 3-5 days a week to once a week and ate whatever was in front of me.

so i took a good look in the mirror today and didnt see "sometimes" britney. no i saw prego britney. so before the spring turns into summer, my mission is to get rid of this prego britney bod and turn it into at least a pre-kfed britney bod. that man not only knocked her up, he gave her a bad addiction to junk food. so not appealing.

wanna barf? bc i might.

why? if this project really does go through, i may have to shoot myself, or go and see it. you know how i am. im a walking contradiction. damn that lindsay lo-ho! damn her.

coming soon ... spederline tv!

its been announced. brit and feddie are coming to a small screen near you! well, probably not bc how many people do you know have their tvs on upn? exactly but i just may actually tune in to channel 9 on may 17th. how can you not watch? not only are the two trash birds starring in this spectacle, they are the ones who taped it. see. this was all a part of britsters master plan. she knows whats she worth and man is she milking it. she may be southern white trash but the girls got a mind of a money maker. she knew if she taped herself doing anything(i know what youre thinking you dirty perverts!) she could sell it anywhere and make mucho dinero. ahh, the making of brits 2nd wedding to someone who i think is a million times worse than the first guy she married.

fame. itll ruin anyone. especially if youre ridiculously famous like miss britney jean spears(-now federline). just a small sidenote. nice father k-trash is. the man keeps smoking with prego brit brit right next to him. the fetus probably has an addiction already. disgusting. nice choice brit. nice flippin' choice!

the britster is prego

its official. the girl announced it on her website. miss britney jean spears-federline is pregnant. she is carrying the child of her money grubbing rat husband. we all saw it coming. the girl had it all masterfully planned in her head. after her "because we were in vegas" wedding/annulment, she met k-trash, conveniently injured her knee, cancelled her tour, spent her summer as the southern white trash she is with a man who will forever have baby mama drama, walked down the aisle for the second time that year to her "pimp daddy", enjoyed being a newlywed vegging out and screwin' like animals, and finally, after getting some child raising training with her stepkids, she knew she was ready to bear a child.

raise a whole new breed of southern white ghetto trash. nice. the child will be wearing a do rag, eating cheetos and walking bare foot into gas station bathrooms before his/her 'rents get divorced. who am i kidding. federline will walk out way before that. ah. you know deep down feddie and his ex shar planned this all out together: marry the spears, knock her up, leave, take her money and get back together. oh that shar jackson. shes a smart one. did you know shes got two other kids - not from federline. damn! shes a baby making machine. i guess thats what attracts k-fed. he like the fertile ones. plant his trashy seeds into anyone he can grab. man hes nasty. that kinda makes him hot. kinda.

feel good/gotti monday

"just another manic monday. i wish it were sunday. 'cause thats my fun day. my i dont have to run day." yeah. thats not my song. for months now ive been dubbing mondays as "feel good mondays" because i have my sessions with jill r and then go to the gym afterwards. feel good emotionally and feel good physicallly. it was a great combo. that combo ended about mid february. i dont know. caught a bad case of the winter blues. still went to jill r but the sight of my bed just seemed so much more appealing than a sweaty workout on the elliptical. so i traded in gym time for gotti time. thats right: growing up gotti.

ill be honest with you. the first time i saw it, i thought these were the rudest boys ive ever seen on television - disrespecting their mother like that. i couldnt get away though. jo (my sister) watches the show religiously. shit, this computer has a gotti screensaver on it! the more i watched, the more i loved. gotti = entertainment! damn. if i was a high schooler who was into greasy mafioso pretty boys, i would totally be crushing. damn damn damn.

so ive decided i cant call mondays "feel good mondays" anymore. im not sticking with the gym hence no feel good combo. however, i am still feeling (therapy - emotions - feelings) so the new name will be feel gotti mondays. my choice is carmine ;)

appreciation

spring time. i love it. the nice weather definitely gets you out of your winter blues and makes you wanna go out and enjoy the weather. be active. have fun. love love love it. today was just a full day of appreciation which was mainly caused by todays amazing weather. what i appreciated on this beautiful sunday:

my cabrio: so everyone teased me a little when i first got my car (bc its a convertible) but every moment of torment was worth it today. driving in and out of the city with the top down on the 59th street bridge was so so kickass. not only did i appreciate the fun-ness of my car but also the clear sunny skies and the always beautiful nyc skyline. ahhh. 3 in 1. gotta love it.

hip hop class: really is such a great workout. i had fun and got an hour and half of cardio out of it. getting my workout done first thing just makes me feel like ive accomplished so much. by 1:30pm today, i already completed a feel good activity. nice.

mta subways: cheap. fast. convenient. true its also germy. crowded. nasty. but on a day like today, it worked in our favor thus, ending up on the appreciated items list. N R W = convenient.

dunkin donuts: not only does it carry the best and cheapest iced coffee, its also conveniently located on every three blocks in the city. gotta love it.

shake shack burgers: waited in line for about an hour but all was forgiven when i bit into my juicy burger. mmmmmmmmmmmmm. shack sauce=mmmmmmmmmmmmm. cant stress it enough. cheese fries. caramel milkshake. in the words of manny santos from degrassi: yummy yum yum. guess where we ate our delicious meals? outdoors in madison square park(where the shack is located) so not only did we enjoy a very delectable lunch, but we also got to soak in a few rays and enjoy the weather. double appreciation whammy!

hey, jealousy fans: ok. so this is from last night but i must say, best surprise of last nights show. went to see my brosefs play and saw the crowd surrounding them. the best part was when the fans starting singing along with the band. nearly brought a tear to my eye. to see people i have never met before singing along to songs ive been hearing for months was freaky but totally cool. coolest moment ever. its like, strangers know about my cool secret and they think its just awesome as i do. my appreciation goes out to those fans. keep on supporting my brosefs. theyre so kickass!

so im glad i spent my sunday the way i did. i got a shitload done - workout, good meal, walked around outdoors - and appreciated every second ive spent. i heard the weather is going back to shitsville this week so im doubly glad i spent it the way i did. wow. im actually in a delightful mood. will i have anything to talk about with jill r tomorrow? probably. when do i never?

15 minutes to 5 hours - a world record!

i did it. i actually stayed at a bar for more than my usual 15 minutes. i know. its a phenomenom. not only did i have doubts but i shocked myself for staying so long. i think i gave about everyone i know a heart attack from this. happy hour turned into a complete night and i actually kinda enjoyed it. haha. i guess hell has frozen over. jk.

so i woke up yesterday excited about going out for happy hour with the girls from work. if we go through our slave labor each and every week together, might as well take out our frustrations together over some fun appetizers and cold drinks. then, happy hour(which began around 6pm) turned into a mini hoopla as i invited jordy and the hometown girlies. it almost became a mini reunion of sorts seeing these girls i havent seen in months. i was a little nervous being that i was little miss sketcho this winter but all was well when the girlies showed up. of course the jiller came bc it aint no hoopla without the jiller and the night was pretty cool.

i actually drank. and a beer at that. in a can. i was so white trashy and i kinda liked it. even though i turned a little crimson - its inevitable - it didnt even bother me. well, maybe just a little. of course there was a little smokin' going on throughout the night but do i ever have a night without a little of that? not really. i planned on leaving early with the jiller considering i had been there since after work and the hometown-ies came a few hours later but i decided to stay, mostly because i was jammed in the middle of our booth and was too lazy to get up. ahh, so my laziness made me stay and im glad i did.

more hometown-ies came by like dodanks and her boyfriend. lets just say, im not a fan of the bf. i think hes an obnoxious pompous a-hole and ive only been in his presence for less than an hour. thats all i could take. whats worse was that the two of them fight like animals. and i was told by the bf's friend ryan (who i will discuss in a little bit) that this is them on a good night. oy vey! its ridiculous. so back to ryan. hes like a matthew conaughey with a rhino nose and a queer eye twist - the kid walked in with a bright yellow polo sweater! wasnt a big fan of his either but the bf takes the a-hole of the night award. ugh. i absolutely had to leave when they started discussing cars. barf. what really made it hard for me to suppress my upchuck reflexes was when they started talking about little high schoolers getting cars that cost more than my annual salary. thats always a good way to teach your child the value of a dollar. makes me nauseous.

anyhoo, after holding back my puke - which was surprisingly not caused alcohol - jord, the melfur, fryz (3 of the hometown-ies) and i left the bar(after 11pm!) and went back to jords for a midnight smizzle. ahh, every night should end with a bowl and a slice of carvel ice cream cake. every. night.

frustrations of an asian chick

today is friday. yay! :) so a bunch of us girls from work are going out for happy hour. and a bunch of my hometown hos are coming out to meet us a few hours later. see, a normal girl wouldnt mind and would just stay at the bar enjoying happy hour. of course i am not a normal girl. see, ive been pondering why i dislike bars so much. ive even discussed this with jill r(my therapist, not to be mistaken with the jiller who is the bff, hehe. so cheese). so even after a session with jill r, we didnt really come up with a reason as to why i hate bars so much but she did tell me that even though i hate hate hate small talk and think its bullshit, she said that small talk is bullshit but thats the only way to get to know new people. whatever. this isnt about bullshit small talk. this is about drinking - the real and only reason why people go to bars.

drinking. its so fun that millions of people become addicted and then "diseased" by it. they just cant stop. puts them in a good mood and creates fun for all - all that are drinking that is. see, when i drink, i have that good ol' fun for about 5-10 minutes, dont give a crap that my face is probably redder than my friends' cosmos(damn asian flush*) and then my hearing and vision starts to fade and i either lose my balance to stand on my own two feet or immediately run to the bathroom(while my hearing and vision are impaired) to throw up. see, thats why im not a big drinker. id rather do something else thatll only make my eyes red as opposed to my whole face. hence, bars arent my fave places.

today, i will try my best to stay at a bar for longer than my usual 15 minutes. itll be a little easier than usual bc a)we're getting appetizers and b)i have a reason to wait - gotta see the hometown hos whom i havent seen in months. MONTHS! i know. im a horrible friend. i just realized that i see my friends who live in the city more often than my friends who live on long island - and i still live at home on long island. crazy. im a little nervous to see 'em bc i havent seen them in so long and they probably want to kick my ass for being such a horrible friend. then again, they are coming out to see me. hmmm. something else to ponder. just another reason why i go to therapy once a week. jill r - you must think im nuts but if i werent, you wouldnt know me.

*asian flush. its when people(a majority of them being asian) turn all RED from drinking alcohol. i heard from my med school friends its bc we lack the enzymes that breaks down alcohol or something. its not all asian people - my dad and bro dont turn red. i just got lucky i guess - lacking enzymes and all. im probably lacking crap that breaks down fat too. argh. to be a heavier than average asian chick sucks too. another blog possibly.

REMINDER!

im definitely gonna be there. my brosef rich and psuedo brosef mike = hey, jealousy.
theyll be joined by two newbies for their live performance. its gonna be awesome. ive heard them rehearse all week. kickass set! see you there man.

public restrooms

so i have a thing with bathrooms. public ones especially. i hate hate hate using them. i really think my bladder is like the size of texas bc my ability to hold in pee until i get home is remarkable. really. doing a number two is a whole different story. i screwed up my excretory system for sure bc i couldnt handle the communal bathrooms during my dorm days. i know. im a loon.

so i decided to venture off to roosevelt field yesterday after work. i ran out of my fave body creams - a girls gotta moisturize! - and i know only the sephoras in roosevelt field and the americana carry my fave fave fave body cream - jaqua marshmallow cocoa. since the americana one closes at 6pm and i didnt want to be pressed for time, i went to roosevelt field. its semi on the way home anyway.

of course as soon as i stepped in the mall, my bladder felt like it was gonna burst like an 80 year olds so i went to the closest restroom i could find - the one right outside saks. to my surprise, the stalls actually looked decent. very private which is good to know if i ever have a number 2 attack while shopping. my surprise was quickly shortened when i stepped into the stall and shut the door. damn graffiti everywhere. felt like i was in a gas station bathroom although ive never really stepped foot in one (id rather hold it in til i get home than use one of those). nasty.

moral of the story: dont judge a restroom until youve shut your stall door. you never know whats behind it.

barkers a smoker!

so im so so so mad at myself that i missed the first five minutes of meet the barkers. ive actually been waiting to see this show for days as opposed to just stumbling upon it on tv like i usually do so i was doubly pissed that i lost track of time and missed the beginning. anyway, i proceeded to watch.

it was kinda hard for me to get into bc i was so peeved about missing the first few minutes but i started to really pay attention when trav and shanna were driving to meet their wedding planner. they get to a restaraunt and trav tells shanna that he needs a few minutes in the car and to go inside without him. then, theres a shot of the driver side door and a puff of smoke poofs out of the window. trav was blazin! i LOVE it!

the best part was the meal the couple had with the wedding planner. as shanna is doing the seating chart and rattling out names, travis sits there in a daze and doesnt know a single person on their guest list. my all time fave part was when he raved, this is the best soup to shanna. genius! i cant even think about the dessert part without crackin' a smile. ahh trav. i like to blizzle before a meal too; especially when i have to have it with people im not too fond of.

i read a review of the show this afternoon and it didnt have too many nice things to say. i have to say that the review did have one thing right. the couple pay way more attention to their baby son landon than shannas daughter atiana (with abusive ex oscar de la hoya) but what do i know - i did miss the first five minutes. argh.

mickey p will NOT be coming to a screen near you

tear tear tear.

i damn near cried when i read it. por que man? por freakin que! i must tell you the truth. first time i heard about this movie i had no interest in seeing it. c'mon. justin timberlake! yes you can dance, you can sing, and honey, you are a v.v. nice piece of eye candy but your acting chops - dont got any (im embarassingly admitting to have seen model behavior with kathy lee gifford and her annoying and talentless son cody).

but after i saw a pic of jtim with fake tats for the film, it sparked a little interest. what pulled the trigger of my wanting to see this film was none other than mr. mickey parke himself (alex solowitz). so, one day i was bored at work and decided to google my main man bc i havent really heard anything about him recently. when i saw that he was gonna be in this film, i had to imdb it.

all i have to say is - best cast ever! mickey p and jtim are given faves of mine but theres more. shawn hatosy of the faculty fame and ben foster. yeah, i always know the obscure ones. ive watched ben since he was tucker in flash foward but most of you will probably know him as russell from six feet under. oy. i can probably go on and on about at least half the cast, like alan thicke (jason seaver rocks!) but why bother, right?

hate when crap like this happens. you know there are actually a bunch of movies that a-sol(hehe. i just made up a new nickname for him) has been in but i have never seen bc the budget sucks and they cant/havent been able to distribute it. argh! someone throw some cash over to nick cassavetes* and lets finish this flick. you know therell be at least one very anticipating viewer - me! and i wouldve totally gone to see this one alone. hmmmmm.

*side note: why doesnt this man have any money? didnt he make buttloads(2gether reference) from the notebook? hmm, food for thought eh.