Monday, January 29, 2007

weekend update: eye candy to eye sore

my weekend was pretty normal. party here, chill out there. the usual. my looks over the past 3 days went from spectacular to grotesque (ok, im exaggerating, on both accounts). heres a mini breakdown of my ups and downs and clowning all around.

friday - hot to trot
  • the night of jamies bday party and i had my outfit already picked out for over a week. i actually based my outfit around my new hooker boots. i know i know. shoes are supposed to be the last thing you think about when selecting an outfit but these boots were hot. they were made for walking and honey, i was ready to strut. the boots didnt fit over my jeans when i tried them on but they were only $40 so there was no way i was leaving the store without them. to my utterly pleasant surprise, my jeans slid under the boots when i got dressed friday night. score! well, not really. i ended up leaving the party early with adam who doesnt swing my way and does have a boyfriend. nyaaa. i love the ads and besides, the party was slim pickings on the single straight men front.

saturday - castle on a cloud
  • so dee bought me a new mattress since her dog bean (feans) peed all over my old one. nyaaa. the mattress was delivered to my apt an hour early so i barely had enough time to tidy up my place a bit before the doorman escorted the delivery men to my place. my sister went all out and got me a deluxe mattress with a pillow top and everything. i mean everything. including a box spring. so the box spring was placed in my bedframe and then the mattress on top of that. lets just say i had to create a mini staircase to climb up to my bed. i felt like the princess and the pea the whole day. perched atop my bed, watching my long list of dvr'd 9-0s with joe e tata in my arms (it was a lazy saturday). didnt even go out that night bc getting the toilet fixed was a larger ordeal than expected. crazy. the toilet got the final fix the following morning and i got a not so fun surprise too when i woke up.

sunday - quasimodo... its the korean olympic park all over again
  • the pre-story: so i havent been to korea in over 12 years. since the summer of '94. nuts. it was a good trip. met family members i never knew i had, lived on my aunts farm for a few days, took scenic pictures, etc... when we (i went to korea with the siblings and maj) arrived in seoul, jet lag hit us hard. i think i slept 24 hours straight. awesome right? well not exactly. i woke up not barely able to open my left eye. turns out i had a nasty bug bite and the thing was swollen shut. not a big deal right? just ice it down. too bad it was one of the hottest summers korea ever had and so we couldnt just use water like it was... water. needless to say, the ice inventory wasnt very high. great timing right? to top it all off, of course that day the fam was going to the olympic park to take pictures. not only did i look like an ogre, my mother also told me the overalls i was wearing werent very flattering. hmmm, what made me look like crap in the pics, my cute gap overalls or my huge swollen eyelid? i wonder.
  • the current story: oh i thought the quasimodo memories were behind me until i woke up yesterday and went to the bathroom to shower. i looked in the mirror and noticed that my right eye lid was swollen like i had been crying the night before. as i quickly ran through the list of eps i watched last night, i knew something was wrong bc none of them were tear enducing. made phone calls here and there to get advice, popped in some tylenol, iced the eye and prayed that the swelling would go down... and stay down! unfortch that is not the sitch and my eyelid is swollen. i basically look like i got a bad eyelid crease job aka how i looked the first time i got it done (ba da bum!). going to docs tonight to get this settled. cant go on my cruise looking like an ogre-whore.

ok, so a brief recap of my weekend: friday - boots, hot to trot, saturday - high mattress, high times, sunday - swollen eye, deflated ego. this my friends, is basically a summary of my life.

special mention:
jamie: people like that always get what they deserve, its called karma!

describing a bitch who cut her off to get a damn metered spot
rite aid clerk: oh, ultra ribbed!
commenting on the purchase shes ringing up

Wednesday, January 24, 2007

note to self: its JAMIES BDAY!!!

happy 26th birthday jamie!

fun birthday wishes to the hottest grandma yentl i know!
more and more years of laughter to come.
fewer years of dressing like we do so ho it up while you can ;)
heres a lil vid only we can find funny.

special mention (jamies dating life edition):
thats what you gotta do to learn the rules.

explaining the necessity of playing the dating game
for 3 years all i did was talk to strange guys on the phone.
describing the splendors of online dating

Thursday, January 11, 2007

(not) good enough

id like to think im familiar with the jewish culture. i may not know the religious stories behind each holiday but id like to think i understand the people. understand why they feel about certain things, why they have that "snobby attitude" (although that may be just a new york thing as opposed to a jew thing). i also know jews love other jews. even when they say they dont, you know deep down theyre ultimate goal is to end up with one. if its not their goal, well then you know fo sho its their mothers.

jewish mothers are a passionate breed. they love their children so much and only want whats best for them. whats best for them is what shes got planned for them and numero uno on that list is a marriage to a fellow jew. ive seen the wrath of one mother and although it is pretty entertaining to watch as an outsider, its not so much fun to be on the receiving end when youre the non-jew trying to pursue her precious jew-jew bean.

ive never been in the storm of a jewish mother although i kinda felt a rain drop last night. nothing was directed straight at me but knowing that the mother was on an active pursuit to find her boy a nice jewish girl kinda stung. ok, it stung bc there is a very possible prospect. her friends friends daughter or some crap saw a pic (of my "boytoy" - the newest nickname for the btj) and showed interest. of course her number was then quickly retrieved and delivered. nyaaaa. i hated how this tiny bit of info made me feel. my emotions were split and well, each side just makes me a bad selfish person. nyaaaa. as gayle would say, "dot org."

so the one side that really got me going was my competitive side or the girly psycho side. hey, this relationship is pretty much in the air and will (probably) only come down when one of us finds another to settle down with. who wants to be the one left alone. alone alone alone. not me. i hate being the cheese! besides, im a scorpio. we cant just win, we need to be gloriously victorious. cant just leave a guy. must make sure that when we do leave, he is alone. alone alone alone. when we get stung, we sting back tenfold. so-AH-ry. im a woman and a scorpio. double trouble. eeeeeeeeeevil woman.

the other side of me was the egomaniacal side aka the man-y side. i heard this from a man (actually the btj) and well, the saying pretty much nailed how i felt: "doesnt matter how many there were/are as long as im the best." girls think similarly except we dont care about being the best as long as we're the one. that special someone. we like feeling irreplacable (to the left to the left). obviously hearing about this loud mouthed ho (told you this info made me an angry eeeeeeevil woman) threw that irreplacable feeling right out the window, plummeting down a million stories. this side though, didnt turn me into an angry beast but questioned my self-esteem, my confidence, the thing ive worked so hard on building up. this is when i felt like tom.

sure jillers relationship with tom ended after two years and i know it wasnt bc of her "gotta marry a jew" influencing mother but man, mrs g didnt make it very easy on tom or jiller about the whole non-jew sitch. jews dont just make a person feel different but almost lesser than (snobby snobby attitude). not good enough. thats like one of the crappiest feelings ever. i hate hate hated that i felt like that, even it was only for a split second.

i dont wanna marry this guy. i dont wanna get married for another few/couple of years. but i dont like being not liked. yeah, i can be cold (my mothers words) but that doesnt mean i dont wanna be liked. i guess this spooked me out bc it made me look at my future and who i wanna end up with. my parents always said you dont just marry a person but his whole family. i know for a fact i do NOT want to marry a korean. not just bc im not attracted to asian men but bc i know their families are apeshit crazy. my fam is pure lunacy and we're on the more "normal" side of korean. do you know where wife beaters originated? k.o.r.e.a. enough said. besides, i wanna have beautiful mixed children and i cant produce those if i marry an asian man.

i guess i have to come to terms with the fact that when i do get into a real relationship, there is a very big chance my mans fam will not welcome me with open arms. maybe this is fate. its fates way of telling me to be stronger. love me for me and be strong about it. ive got to be prepared for when i go into battle. build up my confidence ammunition.

special mention:
cassie: i think le join is mad at me.
jamie: im mad at you bc i dont see a spot.
our daily parking chant call

Tuesday, January 09, 2007

orlando wedding weekend - a photo essay

i went to orlando this weekend with jamie, gayliestar and jiller. we were attending the wedding of our good friend chriscarey. i normally wouldnt go outta my way to go to a wedding (remember, im a lazy bitch) but chriscarey is quality people and well, it was an excuse to go to disney world, a place i havent been to in a decade, maybe even longer. instead of writing a detailed synopsis of this fun trip, im gonna let the pics do the talking... with a little help from short captions.

after an early morning flight, jamie, gayliestar and i decided to get the crappiest park of disney outta the way - mgm studio. went on two "rides" and consumed a delectable meal at the primetime cafe.
special mention quote #1:
you have an allergy to shellfish? the chef says you cant order the shrimp cocktail.

ah, but mgm was just dippin' the toe into the disney pool and we were ready to take a deeper plunge - the magic kingdom. got a little taste of what was to come later this weekend. couldnt leave the park without mickey ears!

special mention quote #2:
i realized the mickey hats are oversized yarmulkes with ears.

after a day of traveling and amusement, we headed back to our homewood suite to make ourselves pretty for the rehearsal dinner. when we quickly realized our beautifying efforts werent necessary at all, we ended the night the classiest way possible.

thirsty much?

the next morning started off with a complimentary breakfast in the lobby followed by a drive to the airport to pick up the jiller.
special mention #3:
john young parkway

then it was off to epcot!

every person comes out tired

after riding the attractions in the front of the park, it was time to make our way to the countries of the world.

shouldve worn my platform shoes.

after some silly pics, it was time to take a nice scenic one.

special mention #4:
ew, i wouldnt eat fried fish here.
why not, its probably the tilapia.

crossing over countries works up an appetite. made a quick stop at morrocco for some grub.

food theme of the trip - chicken. chicken fingers, fried chicken, chicken on a stick, chicken wrap. chicken chicken chicken.

moshi moshi. domo araygato mr roboto. next stop - japan.

hot mama geishas.

after a disappointing quest for lemon ices, gayliestar settled on a tangerine snow cone.

hot mama cool down.

after japan it was off to norway.

viking princess jiller

while jiller goes off yodeling, gayliestar and i make a new friend.

norway trolls. 10th grade chorus. HAAAAAAAA!

i was on a photo op frenzy at epcot. i guess i subconsciously wanted to make up for the lost ops the day before.

santo poco, mexico. home of el guapo.

after a full day of epcot, it was back to the suite to get razzled dazzled up for the main event. the wedding.

no wonder we were the party, we're hot bitches!

sitting and waiting for the ceremony to begin.

the story of stillwater starring gayliestar as russell hammond. (if you dont know almost famous, you will not understand the caption.)

although no tears were shed (not from me anyway) during the actual ceremony, there were touching moments during the reception.

the scorps get emotional.

time to get happy because the fun was about to begin.

special mention #5:
i think its time for some 1980s michael jackson.

a couple that i actually believe can stay together.

the happy newlyweds.

gotta get a pic with the reason for our whole trip.

special mention #6:
oh no, its you again.

it was time to get this party started.

special mention #7:
the dj looks like schultz.

dj schultz was very jamie music friendly.

you know theyre playin' the bee gees.

who am i kidding, i love bee gees!

gettin into the groove.

my choice dance music is hip hop but i cant say no to disco.

serious disco queen. check out my face. im serrrrrious!

i had wind down and regain my energy for the post wedding pow wow.

special mention #8:
im number one.
what about me?
you rock!

i thought id end the night sitting at the table just yearning to leave but much to my surprise, i was one of the last ones on the dance floor.

eyes shut and laughing. my everyday face.

the wedding was a blast and ended with an interesting shuttle ride back to the homewood suites.
special mention #9:
besides new york, america is just one big open road... of chain stores.

after a little drunk venting, we went back to our suite to pow wow and map out our last day in disney. obvious choice was to spend it at the magic kingdom. we realized americans are fat, stupid and just plain out rude.
special mention #10:
i prefer not to.

besides those depressing facts, our day was fun. we went on all the rides we wanted to go on. i picked up kickass souvenirs and gayliestar finally got what she was looking for all weekend.

finally, a lemon ice!

the trip as a whole was fantastic. we were spoiled with a guest assistance pass that allowed us to wait just a few minutes for each ride. i guess karma thought we should pay back for "abusing" this privilege (which i think was totally worth it).

special mention #11:
this car has crappy pick up.
you guys, this car wont go fast.
yes, we just left magic kingdom... im on the grass.

trip ended with a steak and shake dinner, a bit of florida highway confusion, rainy weather in new york, even more confusion using the airtrains but all in all, it was a great trip with the girls... and lots of inside jokes and stories (it was your destiny to find this starbucks).

Wednesday, January 03, 2007

no force, just fun

ok, thats so something a rapist would say, huh? "there was no force, we were just having fun." yeah, i may have a rapist wit but thats where the rapist connection ends. of course this is about... dun dun DUN: the btj. with the new year already here, of course there was some re-evaluating to do with all slices of my life. and who wants to think about boring issues like financial status and family nonsense when my mind can wander off to the fun stuff: sex (ok and relationships too).

i know my "relationship" with the btj is smooth sailing right now bc theres no one else on "our" boat. i know that if another bitch aboards the ship, im gonna have to use all my will power to not throw her overboard. i am a scorpio. we're jealous bitches with a nasty sting. you do NOT want to get on my bad side. my bad side is pretty bitchin. unless the other chick is just making a quick visit... for a party of 3. i really think my big fear is being left alone. alone alone alone. as long as im still in the picture, im cool with it. ok correction: as long as im a regular cast member, im cool. i can deal with a guest star, just no replacements. no valerie malones!

so back to the no force issue. ive decided i want someone who wants to be with me. not someone who just likes hanging out with me but someone who wants to be with me. want to be with me edging on the border of need to be with me. ok, maybe not that close to needing. even i can get annoyed with a cling-on. i basically dont want to force someone into feeling like hes gotta plunge into the big "R" with me. lets whisper it together: relationship. i want someone who cant wait to call me his bitch. someone who isnt scared to grab my hand while we're walking down the street. someone who isnt worried about gettings "feelings" when we're cuddling on the couch.

i think ive fulfilled the "more sex in 2006" resolution last year. now its find a man in 2007 (7 pronounced se-van if you wanna make it catchy). so am i gonna ditch the btj? yeah right. so the kid (thats what i "affectionately" nicknamed him when i refer to him to my co-workers) is so scared of commitment he cant even say "relationship" in front of me, but that doesnt mean the fun has to stop right now. i can still look around while having fun. hell, if i cant have my cake and eat it too now, when im in my 20s, probably the best (physical and aesthetic) years of my life, then when can i? i dont wanna say im "staying" with him until someone better comes along bc i honestly dont believe it. when it comes to my bf checklist, hes got all checks down the line (joker, toker, midnight stroker). i guess the only empty box on his sheet is the big one - must WANT ME! so maybe i am selfish. while i wait for mr perfect for me, im gonna hang out with mr almost perfect.

special mention:
me: doesnt mike have any normal friends.
jamie: well he keeps talking about this one friend i havent met yet. newly single.
me: ah, well i guess he should go to the others. there are a lot of us singles now.
jamie: share the wealth.
me: yeah, im not completely alone.