Tuesday, May 26, 2009

10 reasons why kate sucks - go team jon!

i know i know. its jon and kate mania these days. and i know, the only way to get rid of the media blitz is to not pay any attention. dont buy that whorebags books and dont watch the show. but i love the show. i was a fan before all the scandals. and i watched it bc the kids are adorable. watching them grow up is so fun and fascinating. jon and kate themselves were just extras. quarreling extras but extras. they kinda reminded me of dee and bri. maybe its bc bri and jon are both mixed with 1 asian parent each (except bri still has all his hair... for now anyway, baby #1 is on the way in early oct!). and dee is an ocd neat freak and can be moody (<----- thats the nicest word i can think of) at times just like kate.
  1. is it an age thing? - from the getgo, kate abused jon. maybe its bc shes 2 years older than jon but she always belittled him. im older than my bf too (by 3 1/2 months) but i see my man as at least my equal but usually as more bc hes brilliant and i respect his opinions and advice. (<----- ok no more mushy stuff... for now) kate would yell at jon for interrupting her during their interviews but she was the one who would always do that to him to correct whatever he was saying or just say demeaning things ("do you even know how to speak"). her "love slaps" to his arm or whatever was the closest body part sounded hard and were usually unnecessary.

  2. eye rolls from bitchface - her eye rolls are the worst. ok fine, when anybody rolls their eyes its condescending, but she does the most dramatic eye rolls that completely say "you are such a moron" and those were on a regular basis, and usually just reserved for jon but last nights ep (the season 5 premiere) she rolled her eyes at joel! 5 year old joel!!! she was filling pinatas with candy and joel asked if a froggy was candy. she says "i dont know why dont you try it" and then rolled her eyes at him. ugh, i wanted to give her a "love slap" right then and there. a person with no patience should not have children, let alone 8!!! on a side note, a change in kate: letting her kids eat candy. she used to be strict-o-matic about sweets (and food in general - they would pack the kids lunches whenever they went on trips bc they only eat organic foods) but im guessing her more laid back attitude is probably from the guilt of not being at home as much as she used to ("one of my kids called me by their nannys name").

  3. selfish selfish selfish - its difficult to listen to kate talk. shes one of the most selfish humans ever - and i know (and may be related to) one. she does mention that shes been hard on jon but then only claims that hes the one whos changed. i have to admit she was a decent mother in the beginning. taking care of 2 young'ns plus 6 babies is no easy feat. her ocd-ness actually came in handy bc it wouldve been complete chaos without it. fame has changed her but of course it would, shes pwt (po white trash). kate grew up in a trailer park and first plane ride was for her honeymoon to disney world. jon grew up at least middle class with luxuries like regular ski trips. usually when pwt get rich, they get greedy. kate is the perf example.

  4. kate the greed-monster - jon and kate had twins. jon was content. he had 2 beautiful daughters. they used ivf to get cara and mady and you know that aint cheap. but kate, being the pwt she is just needed another baby. so jon gave in and well, you know the rest. they had 6 more. supposedly kate was obsessed with a group of septuplets born in the late '90s. obsessed with the coverage they got and their freebies (like diapers, food, etc...). did she know there was a high chance of having more than just twins? probably. crazy bitches always have plans bc their minds are always running. i know this bc i may be related to a crazy bitch or two.

  5. kate loves estrangement - another example of kates greediness: remember aunt jodi? the red headed aunt of seasons 1 and 2. kates bro kevins wife. aunt jodi would watch gosselin kiddies along with like 5 of her own (ok maybe she only had like 2 or 3 but honestly, who can keep count with these ginormous pennsylvania fams). anyway, they like disappeared without explanation. heard the rumor last year and then kevin and jodi themselves confirmed it on radaronline.com. they were offered money from tlc for season 3 but contracts were halted bc of kate. kate only wanted gosselins to get paid. no one else. greedy bitch wouldnt even share the wealth with her own brother!!! obv shes estranged from her brother but rumblings say shes also estranged from her father whos a minister. when her father heard that kate was having sextuplets, he got lots of dontations for the 6 babies including cribs. when kate refused to take the cribs bc they didnt match each other, that was the last straw. even the minister was like, "you a crazy bitch."

  6. clothing clueless to clotheshorse - there was an ep in one of the earlier seasons when kate admitted to a. not knowing how to dress or shop and b. not enjoying shopping and fashion. she had to have jon take her clothes shopping bc she was clueless. now the lady gets dressed up and i hear is addicted to fake tans (just like her public persona) and working out (although im sure her personal trainer has something to do with her workouts). during the shopping ep, kate said she hates wearing colors yet now you see her in bright pink sweaters. ugh. shes such a pwt cheesehead. dont get me started on the hair. that cut screams pwt just as much as a mouth full of cracked yellow teeth or a beer stained wifebeater.

  7. complaints or avoidance - obv, last nights ep you could feel the tension between jon and kate. looks as though jon finally put his foot down (shouldve been up and in her ass) and said enoughs enough. he took the weekend off while kate prepared for the sextuplets bday party alone. boo hoo for kate. NOT. so jon showed up to the bday party later than the rest bc according to him, he had to pick up the cakes and kates cell phone. so he did. the scenes with the both of them at the party were painful. you can tell they were trying to avoid each other. kate did mention the cakes but of course it was a complaint ("why are there 2 cakes? we only need one.") since jon put his foot down, she probably knows better than to complain to him to his face so she says nothing to him. its like if she cant complain to him or berate him, she doesnt know how to talk to him. honestly jon, what the hell was appealing about kate? man, i need to send him jill r's number stat.

  8. where is the love - im the type of person who cries whenever someone else cries on tv. extreme home makeover: forget it, im a mess. biggest loser: i always shed a tear or twenty. but when kate shed a tear (after saying shes doesnt wanna ruin her makeup) bc she knew that the fam pic they took at the party was probably the last one theyll ever take all together, my eyes were dry as a desert. sure it was sad and i wouldve felt bad for her too if she took any responsibility for the break down of her marriage but she didnt. just kept saying jon has changed. i think jon is the only normal one. he had honest intentions to do the show to get great documentaries of his kids lives and some free trips here and there knowing that the fam probably wouldnt be able to have these experiences without the show. but once the fame got to be too much, he wanted to pull the plug. lay low. let things simmer down before it got too crazy. but no, kate loves the attention, fame and money. she had to keep going. and now look, all their dirty laundry is hung out for all of us to read at the expense of her own marriage. and homegirl dont care. she just blames jon who tried to avoid this.

  9. kates ch-ch-changes - she went from people shy mother of eight to book touring author. she even admitted to not liking the fans at first but now she embraces them (probably bc her dumb pwt ass realized its the fans that are paying her bills). her physical appearance is an obv change so im not even gonna go into that (plus you can pick up last weeks us weekly to see the details). from anal retentive to not really caring? maybe it was just for the kids bdays. but i was shocked to see them munching on candy after their trip to party city. kate used to not let me eat any sweets unless it was organic. still, like i mentioned before, im guessing its from guilt of not being there for the kids bc of her book tour. plus the affection she poured over the kids during their party seemed so forced. like it was just for show. you know, kinda fake like her tans.

  10. divorce? duh! - so kate said that the divorce rate for parents of multiples is 3 times larger than regular fams. well i completely believe it. yes, have multiples can be stressful but look at the women who give birth to multiples: cuh-razy! need an example. how about the most digusting human on earth: octo-mom. she be batshit cuh-razy! i think it takes a certain type of person to think its ok to bring in and raise multiple kids at the same time. i think jon and kate had a good chance of having a good family but the fame really got to kates head. the fame and money just made her greedier. kate deals with it by telling herself shes doing this for the kids but isnt sanity worth a lot more than money itself?
so obv im team jon all the way but after speaking with jamie and reading jennies comments on fb, im trying to see team kates pov. i still think kate is a psycho hose beast. im still on team jon bc ive seen him get abused by kate season after season. is he lazy? a lil but honestly, what man isnt. plus, i think hes been picking up the slack while kate has been gone. one of my fave eps is when jon has the sextuplets bc kate is away. he takes the kids out into the woods in their yard. it was sweet and fun and just laid back. kate gave jon a hard time bc he didnt do things exactly the way she would do them but that doesnt mean the way jon handles things is wrong. maybe i feel for jon bc thats how im perceived by my own fam at times. i dont do things right away but i do get the things done, just at my own pace. i think their relationship was headed for the shitter bc it was always about the kids. they never took time to focus on their relationship: on jon and kate. i hope when i get married and have kids, i still have hubby and wifey time. you need to keep that spark alive bc without that spark, you cant keep the whole family warm.

Thursday, May 21, 2009

cheeba free - the way to be?

cuh-razy right. 31 days cheeba free. and it really wasnt that difficult. 31 days straight. sure the first attempt my man went like 25 days and i of course cheated and smoked a few times but these past 31 days we both went without any herb at all. not a puff, not even a sniff. i remember my days living in my parents house and going crazy when all my sources were dry as a desert. i felt like it was the end of the world. is this tree free-ness going to last forever? i dont know if i want it to last forever. my appetite has come back. boo. so my withdrawal diet has expired and now i really gotta get my ass in the gym. you know, the gym thats just an elevator ride away. i have no excuse. or maybe ill finally put those rollerblades i bought last year to use. the weather is getting nicer and the west side highway bike trail is literally across the street. ugh, exercise keeps calling me. the thing is, do i want to answer? my mind says yes, but my lazy ass says no. and you know how tough my lazy ass can be. well my bulging belly knows how powerful my lazy ass is. nyaaaaa.

the cool thing about not smoking is my bank account. i actually have money. woo hoo. however the money i am spending has been on groceries. i found out theres a farmers market in the south street seaport this year. open this summer on fridays and saturdays. luckily my office is closed tomorrow and monday for memorial day so i get to check it out on opening day. sadly, my mans parents canceled their annual memorial day party bc saturday is supposed to have nastastic weather. boo. i may not getting any sun this weekend but fresh food i will buy! even though im a lil upset about the canceled party im kinda stoked to spend the weekend at doto.

to spend an extra long weekend in the city is gonna be fun. all the annoying nyc-ers will be in fire island or the hamptons (no offense gormans) so the city will be less crowded. plus, with the market in the seaport, i get to buy fresh fruits, veggies and bread like a genuine foodie and cook up something delish. seriously, im loving cooking up meals. its like the funnest work and at the end you get to eat! and i totally got the cleaning while cooking thing down. makes the post meal clean up so much more bearable. well, it also helps that i have a spacious kitchen and a dishwasher. praise the man who created the dishwasher.

my new fave site is cooks.com. it just has recipes that people share and theyre simple ones too. im an amateur cook. im no chef. plus, i subscribe to goop. yes the gwyneth paltrow email newsletters. sure she seems like an egocentric cold bitch but homegirls got connections and shes sharing them with her subscribers. just this morning, her newsletter had 3 cool and simple recipes from her fave italian chef. if miss skinny thang can cook these up, then why cant i? and even though i think the withdrawal diet had a lot to do with my weight loss (i dont weigh myself bc the scale is "the debool!" im guessing it was like a 5-8 lb loss), im sure cooking and eating at home has contributed too. so even though im getting my appetite back, im gonna feed it with home-cooked meals. thats gotta slow down the weight coming back. well that and exercise. damn exercise. stop calling me. ill call you when i want to. (if i were aaron karo - and thank goodness im not - id end this with a "fuck me"). man hes a douche.

Monday, May 18, 2009

fam flippin summer

i have a feeling this summer, the weekends will be fam filled. im guessing more weekends will be in jerz than li bc a. jerz has got the pool and b. ew, li sucks. but since making up with miss dee (yes we made up!), and seeing how happy it makes my parents to see all of their children under one roof, ill try to make more of an effort to get out there via lirr bc the lie is like the worst torture i can ever put my man through. his road rage + the lie = an explosion worse than chernobyl. i for one dont want to sit through that and will avoid it at all possible costs ($14 for 2 off peak tix, $28 round trip).

we spent mothers day in jerz. my mans parents and bro came to doto in the morn with bagels and then we trekked it back to jerz with them to spend the afternoon by the pool. alas i skipped the pool and headed straight to bed. damn bagel and lox. it tastes so good but knocks me right out. the last time i ate it, it sent me into a 4 hour coma. this time, my coma-like nap lasted a lil under 2 hours. whatevs. after my nap we headed down to my mans grandparents house for a cute lil dinner of jersey sloppy joes and my homemade cupcakes. yum and yum.

this past weekend we went out to li to celebrate a belated mothers day with the maj. did a lil shopping at target and the korean supermarket. man, maj was damn happy. perma-grin all day... well until the subject of le joins (the current f- up of the fam) phone bill came up. ugh. wont go into details but it had most of the fam yelling at each other. other than that, we had a delish bbq, walked to my old middle school and spent some time in the fields. good times were had.

already the next two weekends are planned out. and again, this weekend is jerz time for my mans parents annual memorial day start of the summer party. everyone whos invited looks forward to this event. must go to old navy to get a new bikini. sure the a-teams jappy daughters (hey man, i call em like i see em) will be in some name brand crap, with their tight flat bellys and big big boobies (why do the jewish girls get the skinny bods with big boobs?) while im chillin in my $12 a piece bikini ala old navy or target. whatever man. im there for the food... and random shot(s) of patron silver. ah, they know how to throw a party.

next weekend we're headed back out to li. my aunt from korea is coming to town. shes the majs youngest sister. the baby sister. i havent seen her in 15 years!!! more than half my life. im sure le join will give her the (fake) scoop about me and my man before we get to li. homegirl knows how to paint a picture and im sure her portrait of me aint gonna be pretty. she may have her verbal paint brushes but i got something else. i gots the truth. plus, im awesome. plus, i have a super tall and super adorable bf. what does le join got? just a lot of debt (OH!).

im actually excited to see my aunt and show off my fab bf and my fun life. i want her to come to doto and see our awesome apt. maybe even make dinner for her and my parents. seriously, im totally enjoying being all domestic. i totally need a cute apron to wear when i cook. my baking is ooc. yes baking with an actual oven although i do kinda miss the other kind of baking. i know we wont start any time soon, i mean its only been 28 days (whoa, 2 days til 30 and 17 til 45 days). now im deciding if and how i should start again. the hiatus has been so good to my wallet and waist. plus, its been kinda nice not having to worry about how the apt smells. ah. ill cross that bridge when i come to it.

hope everyones summer is looking to be fun. oh yeah, my company decided to take away our summer fridays this year. bastards! plus, my june and july at work is looking kinda cuh-razy. like possible coming into work on sundays cuh-razy. i dont care, im fitting in some pool time as much as i can. mama looks so good with a tan and considering we wont be going back to anguilla til january, i must get in some jersey sun. ah, and miss dees baby shower will probably be in august. i want that baby to come so i can play with her. i know, selfish aunt cass. whatevs, more like sane aunt cass who baby zoe can go to when shit gets cuh-razy at home. yeah, im awesome :)

Friday, May 01, 2009

official domestic partners

i know. it takes my man and me forever to makes anything official but this doto move has been long overdue. and just like the road bumps we encountered before (mainly caused by le joins irresponsibility and selfish "booty blinded" bitchiness) of course move in day didnt go as smoothly as we would hope. here we go with the debacle filled days breakdown.
  • 8:45am - wake up after a few (like less than 5) short hours of sleep. we packed til 3am, then showered and went to bed. do last minute stuff (pick up more boxes, bubble wrap and paper towels) to pack up last minute items (mostly toiletries from the bathroom, curtains, bedding) and clean so we dont leave the west village apt a dusty mess.
  • 11:00am - time we had the movers scheduled to come. my man panics bc there is no sign of them.
  • 11:05am - noon - irate phone calls to the moving company we hired. the dispatcher was a rude man who didnt speak english well and hung up on my man TWICE. doto has strict rules about move ins. no move ins can start after 2pm and must end before 5pm and oh yeah, must be within a 2 hour window. when the moving company said they would get a truck to us by 2pm, my mans responded back "UN-FUCKING-ACCEPTABLE" followed by more ranting. finally, someone who spoke better english came on the phone and said a truck would be here in 20 mins (this was at 11:40am)
  • noon - 12:25pm - my man waits outside while doing air punches and kicks out of frustration. we begin to carry some stuff down to the "lobby" of his apt to save some time when the movers get here. while my man was loudly getting pissed off, i was silently getting frustrated too.
  • 12:25pm - movers finally arrive. they work quickly but i noticed they didnt wrap any of our furniture in blankets like most movers do. found it a bit alarming but i was so focused on getting to doto asap that i just let it pass.
  • 1:35pm - the moving truck is packed up and we're ready to hop in a cab (my man had to carry his tv himself. wouldnt let the movers touch it). i gave the movers simple directions to my crib. w.vill - fidi. short trip... or you would think.
  • 1:45pm - my man and i arrive at doto in record time, and record cost too (usual cab ride: $11 including tip. this cab ride: $9 including tip). where are the movers?
  • 2:45pm - movers finally arrive at doto. what shouldve taken 10 mins took 1 hour. now the business card for the moving company said plus 1 hour of traveling time. didnt think they would actually take the entire hour to get here. ah yes, plus the driver could barely drive the truck and of course the freight elevator at doto had another apt moving in at the same time. if these fuckers were on time or even just took the directions i gave them instead of using their gps (which stupidly took them up, across, and then down bway) we couldve been ok. and my feelings about our non-wrapped furniture were vindicated when i saw the movers for the other apt bringing in furniture that was wrapped in blankets and on their own set of wheels. my movers wouldve taken twice as long if doto didnt have luggage carts. they kept saying how nice the building was. i wanted to be like, stop gawking and MOVE bitch! move my shit.
  • 4:10pm - truck is empty and my apt is full. i rearranged the furniture myself while my man went down to take care of the bill.
  • 5:50pm - took almost 2 hours to finally settle the bill. the movers said cash only and my man said no f-in way. hes paying with plastic. after 100 minutes of arguing, they finally accepted his card. customer is always right!
  • 6:00pm - we finally eat (up since a quarter to nine and all we consumed was cold canned starbucks coffees.) well actually, we went down to the corner deli and picked up sandwiches. i went back up to the apt to eat while my man headed to his gre class and ate on the way.
ah, i know moving is one of the most stressful things a person goes through in life but this move had events that added more stress. assholes. the end result is so worth it. im still in shock and awe. i kinda still have that feeling of needing to go back to my mans. even when i first moved to doto, it never felt like home. and when i was there, i always felt rushed to go back to my mans. now, the doto apt is ours.

we unpacked last night. i did the fun stuff, books, dvds, games and he did his stuff. i started to put our toiletries away and it was fun to decide where to put my things and his. i left my clothes and the kitchen for today. its the first time i can place things as i please. especially the kitchen. when i first got to doto, le join took over the kitchen bc shes a "chef" and well, you know the rest. she took over everything else bc shes a selfish bitch. i really want to put some thought into organizing the kitchen since i plan i spending lots of time there.

a thought crossed my mind while we were unpacking. i never lived alone. it was a dream of mine since i dreamt about moving into the city. honestly, i think this is better than living alone. i still get to decorate however i want (and not have to pay all the bills on my own, hehe). the pics are one of my fave parts. yeah, i have great pics with my friends but ive always wanted to plaster walls of pics of me with my bf, and now i can (and i have).

the place finally looks like an apt instead of a dorm room. and even though its a studio, the furniture is set up so you get the feeling of 2 separate rooms even without a divider. i cant wait til all the boxes are unpacked. maybe we'll add a "third" room. im hoping to fit a dining table somehow so we can have guests over and host a proper dinner. ah, we managed to keep 2 tvs and 2 coffee tables too. woo hoo. guess what im most excited about? the mezuzah!