Monday, June 04, 2007

he loves me, yeah yeah yeah

he loves me, and you know i should be glad. glad. ecstatic is more like it. he dropped the l-bomb and i threw it right back at him. even though i had a feeling it was coming, it was still a surprise when it did happen. sure the lb (ive decided to call him love-bear bc a. he loves me and b. hes my big cuddly bear) kept dancing around the l-word for a few weeks so i just thought he'd be dancing around it longer. he dropped it. and i caught it. and i love it... and him.

the title is the safety net so when i got it, i felt relieved. no more "risks" involved. the l-word, love, love is the bulletproof vest. i dont just feel safe but almost invincible. now, im no fool. i know guys will always have wandering eyes. like the lb once told me, "dont matter where he gets his appetite from as long as he eats at home." well since he loves me, i know fo sho that he doesnt "eat at home" bc he feels obligated to (comes with the title) but bc he wants to. love. love. love. awesome.

but there is that other saying, "love it blind." i may have been "blind" this past weekend when i said yes to us meeting up with an old friend of the lb's. yes, an old friend. this girl had the same sitch i had with the lb when he was just the btj a few years ago but my man told me that if that girl gave him an ultimatum, he wouldve turned her down. hmmm, maybe it was out of curiosity or pure love-blinding stupidity, but when this girl invited us to meet up with her at her friends bday party, i told the lb, "sure, lets go."

much to my (pleasant) surprise, this girl had nothing on me, biggest non-threat ever. sure, it helped that she gained weight since the lb last saw her but yeah, i felt pretty awesome. well, awesome and disgusted with myself. why disgusted? bc as much as i try to fight it, ive totally become the girl ive always hated. the lovey dovey schmoopy (the lb's word) girl who is always on her bf. what have i become?! whatEVer. the lb loves me!

so how do i know i love the lb? ive never loved someone i wasnt related to. so how do i know? i know bc he makes me happy. even at my low and stressful times (and ive had them, especially with my current financial status), i havent fallen into the dark space that took jill r two years to get me out of. i havent even come close. with him in my life, theres always a light. and when i see or feel like hes slipping to sad times, all i want to do is grab him and pull him out (add perverted joke here).

thinking about how i met my man and the relationship weve had since really amazes me. started as friends, added some lust and then grew into love.

special mention:
jamie: try teaching a room full of kids when you feel like you have a brick laying on your head.
an ailing jamie after a hard day of work


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