Thursday, December 08, 2005

dog vs man

whos the better companion: your dog or your man? ok fine, ill tell the truth, ive never had a boyfriend. im one of the emotionally detached girls. we dont have boyfriends. and my dog, isnt technically my dog, hes joinaclubs but im his godmother hence making him my goddog hence making me next in line, first runner up. wow. ive got no one. no, ive got my friends. i still have faith in fate. and i go to jill r to work on my emotionally detached-ness. so, since i dont have a companion, i can wonder who makes a better one: a trusty pet or a lusty man.

dog - need a pick me up or even if youre already in a good mood, a dogs greeting makes it that much better. always ecstatic to see its owner, tail wagging, barks of joy, maybe even a little (theo) dance. a dog greeting is all love all the time.

man - maybe a kiss on the cheek, a passionate kiss on the mouth, a long embrace, a simple hello without even a look in the face, a "make me dinner bitch!" holler across the room: just totally unpredictable. yeah, ive seen a lot of different relationships in my day.

dog - they like their nooks. they let you lay down first, make yourself comfortable, then they find their place and just plop. you think its about you but its really about them.

man - they hold you, make you feel all warm and fuzzy, and then, the games on, gotta sit up and pay attention. he might have money on it. sometimes, you have to beg for the cuddling: for it to be longer or for it to even begin. even so, if they do it, its all for you... any way you want it.

a stroll in the park or just down the street:
dog - bring a doggie bag, and im not talking about leftovers. take a walk with your pup and expect some excrements. its just how theyre trained. see a tree, start to pee. see a stoop, let out your poop. its just how they function.

man - he wants to hold your hand, have his arm around your waist or shoulders, maybe even stop in the middle for a kiss. when your walking down the street with your man, all he wants to do is show the world that your his. and all you want to do is smile. no doggie bag in your pocket either.

when your feeling blue:
dog - dogs just know how youre feeling, even if there are no tears streaming down your face, they can sense when youre feeling down. theyll come right up to you and either give you a kiss on the face or just snuggle up to you to let you know hes there and he loves you. his tail wont even wag because hes sad that youre sad. dogs just feel for you.

man - a typical convo between a couple:
man - hun, is something wrong?
woman - no. im fine. everythings fine.
man - oh, ok. so what do you want for dinner?
unless your problem directly affects him, he isnt gonna have a clue that anything is wrong. sometimes men can be like little children, you must spell everything out for them. if youre blue and you dont flat out tell him, he just aint gonna know. in these cases, dogs are the smarter ones.

lets play dress up:
dog - jackets, shirts, costumes, anything remotely human looking just looks adorable on a dog. best part is, if they hate it, you wont know it because youre too busy gushing over how cute they look.

man - deep down, every girl wants to dress up her man, even if its just once. ooh, to mold him into what your heart desires. if he looks way hot, the clothes wont stay on for very long, hence the complaints from him will be slim to none. no gushing with a dressed up man, just squeals... of (sexual) joy.

i talk, you listen:
dog - who talks to their dogs? who doesnt? you can talk to your dog for hours and you wont get any lip back either. there is a downside though. you usually sound like an idiot when you talk to your dog because your voice goes 8 octaves higher than usual and weird baby words just come spitting out your mouth like its your everyday language. dogs definitely listen, theyre probably just silently laughing at you.

man - you talk, and talk, and talk, and he spits out the occasionally, yeah, uh huh, thats too bad. is he listening? probably not. but at least hes pretending to showing that yes, he is still an asshole but making an effort at trying not to look like one. besides, if you wanted advice, youd ask your friends. if youre talking to your man, its either because you need to vent or youre mad at him hence his boring, repetitive responses back to you.

clean up, clean up, everybody everywhere:
dog - dogs are like kids. you gotta feed 'em, bathe 'em, clean up their crap.

man - men are like kids. you gotta feed 'em, hope they shower, clean up their crap.

so as gayliestar (and frank) would say, its up to you, new york, new york. one is easy to get, the other is easy to dispose, both are hard to train. is it worth all the work? as jill r would say, even if the outcome is bad, there are still fun moments before it that you dont want to miss out on.

special mention:
jamie: i dont like reading about famous people. i just like reading about me.


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