transitions

i didnt date much in high school. ok. not at all. i was shy to say the least. all of my crushes were from afar. they were all hot jocks who probably didnt know my name but probably knew my face. who wouldnt notice a big rotund face following your every move between classes. yeah. i was a bit of stalker. oh man. if i knew then what i know now, i wouldve pounced each and every one of them. they were HOT. emphasis on the WERE. they say a womans sexual peak is in her 30s and a mans is probably in his late teens well let me tell you this, it may not be sexual peak but a peak in the looks dept. i just feel like the sea of men out there is getting smaller and pickins aint as fresh as they were when we were in high school.

the men may go through this tragic transition but we have to look at it. yikes. i first thought about this about a year ago. the g-star was talking to her younger brother about a date she just had. his girlfriend (fresh out of high school) asked what the guy looked like and g-star responded with a bunch of adjectives, last one being "balding". balding the young'un exclaimed. balding g-star replied. honey as the years go by this is what you have to look forward to. sor man.

i always say every guy looks great in a tux or a baseball cap. most of my crushes wore baseball caps. they were jocks. its like their nature. back then it was cool bc i knew there was a full head of blonde hair under there (yeah, i tended to crush on guys who would NEVER give me the time of day... great for my self esteem). now, if you see a cute guy with a baseball cap on, he may not be as cute when he takes it off and reveals... a receding hairline. yeah man. happens to the best of them. take your propecia guys!

i mean when guys are in high school though, theyre not exactly men so of course theres gonna be some growth. and the term "freshman 15" didnt come from nowhere. so yeah, guys fill out. nothing wrong with a little more meat but when its the whole cow... cuh-razy! it usually goes like this:
skinny high school boy ---> taller, bigger neck, possible double chin, probably balding
fat high school boy ---> fatter, no neck bc multiple chins are too heavy to carry
skinny high school asshole ---> didnt even know he had fat tendencies and now a lard ass.

im not saying every guy in his 20s is a fat out of shape loser. there are ones that are svelte and have nice bods but theyre usually assholes bc they know they look good and know about the fat balding losers out there. i just feel like us girls are working our booties off to look hot to trot but the guys that are trotting around arent even worth it. ok fine, we may get bitchier with age but weve got junk in our trunk thats smokin'. what the epcot. why do girls always have to settle. boo.

insecurities

no no no. i know what youre thinking and the answer is no. this is not a post about me feeling like a fatty or a dumbass or shall i even say, boring. no man. ive already learned to embrace my plump size 6 bod, know that im not a moron (other people just think on a different plane as me), and know that if i am boring at least i still entertain the 3 people who read this blog (myself included in that 3). nah. i know insecurities are bad but ive realized that they arent bad in all cases and actually help people out.

what people and how? kevin smith and his movies. wha? the kevin smith? the man who spawned numbers of cult classics? yeah man. that kevin smith. he needs his insecurities. that edge to push him to greatness. ive decided that as his success grew (deservedly so) the insecurities started to diminish... along with the quality of his films.

the rise

1. film: clerks
   insecurity: a nobody film maker who actually used his own money via credit cards to make this independent film about a pathetic store clerk and his day of (mis)adventures.
   success: this movie started it all and also gave ksmith enough cred to have miramax take him under their wings. plus, who doesnt love olaf (would you like some making fuck berzerker!)
   
2. film: mallrats
   insecurity: panned by critics. not too many show up to watch a silly film made by some independent film maker.
   success: its still arguable among the cult fans which is better: clerks or mallrats. both have exquisite dialogue and sprinkles of dance sequences by jay. but ksmith did a get step up from clerks with this film: mallrats is in color. another perk from this film, ben affleck. he was great as that asshole from fashionable male. im assuming this is when ksmiths crush on benny boy began.
   
3. film: chasing amy
   insecurity: although this film is super great (again packed with genius genius dialogue) it touches a very touchy touche taboo-y topic (homosexuality. gasp!).
   success: this film actually was better received than mallrats was (and mallrats had no controversy). controversial or not, its a great film and put ben affleck in a leading role. he was actually good in this too (obviously pre jlo of course).
   
4. film: dogma
   insecurity: still on the controversial route, ksmith makes a film about religion... knowing he'll probably piss off the church and then some.
   success: finally with enough cred under his belt, ksmith got to get all the big names: ben affleck (of course!), matt damon (double of course!), salma hayek (heard this was harveys choice), george carlin, alanis morrissette. besides the big names, this film has a great story, great message and in true ksmith style, great great great dialogue. the man is a smarty.

the fall

1. film: jay and silent bob strike back
   insecurity (or lack thereof): reeling on the success of his last 4 films, what could possibly go wrong. lets take a staple from all 4 previous films and base a whole movie around that. (and no, the staple was not rick derris.)
   success (or not): jay and silent bob always stole every scene they were in but when you make them the focus of every scene (ever!) their novelty wears away pretty thin and pretty fast. not even another all star cast of hotties (including ksmiths maneating wife) could save this film. not even jason biggs. or dawson leary. sad.
   
2. film: jersey girl
   insecurity (or lack thereof): ben affleck. liv tyler. george carlin. and oh yeah, whats her name again? jlo.
   success (or not): gigli was made before this movie. ksmith shouldve seen it coming. i dont even feel bad for him with this one. i had a little sympathy for him with jasbsb (ok, it was more like embarrassed for him) but with this one... he had it coming. he had it coming.
   
3. film: clerks 2
   insecurity (or lack thereof): yeah, bennifer really killed his cred but its the sequel to clerks! the reason why there is a ksmith film cult. thats gotta stand for something.
   success (or not?): cant really bag on the success of something that hasnt even come out yet. i really really hope this is a great film but from the looks of the trailer, it doesnt look too amazing. not ksmith blow your mind with crazy quotes amazing. i guess we'll have to wait and see. i didnt see jersey girl (i didnt want to be forced to gauge out my eyes which im pretty sure this film would make me wanna do) but this ill see. i gotta!

psycho cheapo pothead

maryjane. the greens. you know what i mean. so you like to toke. you like to just chill out. be a fun mellow fellow. i hear ya. sometimes though, the getting hizzle fo shizzle gets a little out of hand. not like physically or anything but mentally and emotionally. you just start to wonder, man, do i love it just a little too much or am i just a psycho cheapo pothead. examples:

pass the dutchie on the left hand side - its a good day. possibly even a friday. youre with your friends and miraculously you all have a little stash. woo hoo. time for a dutch. you dont really know how to roll a blunt, you just smoke 'em so you watch as he/she peels, fills, licks, rolls... and then, then it just kills you but he/she brushes the shake that had fallen out during the process off to the floor. of course you act like you dont notice but you know you feel your heart break a little. that shake couldve filled like a tiny bowl. a persie. and now its garbage. hey man, every little bit counts. or maybe youre just a psycho cheapo pothead.

flower in my hair, j in my mouth, i wouldve loved the '70s - joints are just cool, man. im not a cigarette smoker so i was never the cool looking chick with the cool looking cigarettes. no man. and lets face it, people wouldnt smoke cigarettes as much as they do if it didnt look as cool as it does. yeah man. it kinda goes the same with toking:

• bowl - suburban toker
• blunt - urban toker
• bong - college toker
• joint - cool toker

hey man, matthew mcconaughey knew whats up in dazed in confused (you gotta joint?... itd be a lot cooler if you did). i love the j's too. the flavored papers. ive really mastered the art of rolling them really pretty and with mouthpieces. but theres also another reason why i love them: the roaches. roaches are awesome bc you can store them away for a rainy day or build them up into an emergency stash. man i love 'em or im just a psycho cheapo pothead.

good to the last drop - look at the stash and its getting a little low. lower than you like. you have enough for like 1 fat bowl but you resist to pack it and spark it. argh. what if you call your guy and theres like a drought. or like his supplier got caught. no ways to getting some cheeb any time soon. then you regret smoking the last of the stuff until you remember, you havent yet. yeah man. holding onto it was a good precautionary move or maybe youre just a psycho cheapo pothead.

i read this on anothers blog once and i thought, these are the most genius words ever: its not an addiction if you can still pay the rent. well, i will be paying rent in a few short weeks and will continue to do so every month for the next year. although the cheeb is oh so sweet, living in an nyc apt is just so much sweeter... and you can smoke there too ;)

no pic, no go

so i just joined match. just up and did it. well, i had some inspirations - friends (jamie and melfur) urging me recently, the start of my urban life rapidly approaching, a silly horoscope from cosmos bedside astrologer. i know, silly but true.

anyway, after a few days and some editing, my profile finally got approved. i was waiting for the flood of emails to just come pouring in. well. i got one. one damn email. and brother is from the bronx. fine. im not gonna be crazy crazy picky so i said, maybe give it a go (his income is in the 100 - 150K range). then i see hes got no pic. ugh. not good. im a shallow bitch man. looks are tre important. i mean, thats 90% of whether i reply or not. 90% looks, 10% profile.

after a mini angel/devil battle with myself, ive decided not to reply back. theres like a 95% chance i ask for his pic and i wont like it. what makes me think i wont like what i see? if someone liked what they looked like, even just a little, a pic goes up. no pic usually = ugly person.

so if i asked for the pic and didnt like it im screwed. im not gonna not keep talking to him bc then im the bitch who stopped the communicating bc of an ugly face but im not gonna keep talking to him bc hes a guy with an ugly face. see. sometimes it takes a little looking into the future to prevent it from happening. or maybe im just a shallow bitch.

special mention:
best message. special message.
new karaoke song: penny and me by hanson.
kelly clarkson song to know for the concert: addicted
download and download.

viva la 6s (8s and 10s too)!

i never really read much as a child. i totally hated the reading assignments we had in school and would always try to find someone to do the homework with (aka i swap my vocab definitions for someone elses reading segment answers). there were some series that a girl just had to read growing up: babysitters club, cam (the photographic memory girl), sweet valley high. oh sweet valley high. such a fad/phenomenom. the life of perfect blonde twins. perfect size 6 twins. perfect. size 6. together? yeah man. thats like an oxymoron in todays world.

"6 is the new 12."

so i watched the devil wears prada this weekend and well, that tiny little line just answered why ive felt like a fatty mcfatstein all my life. the years where a little chub is acceptable have withered away and we are now in the rib cage chic era. seriously, we may be advancing in technology and whathaveyou but when it comes to what is attractive, weve trailed off to a scary and sickly route.

"you look really... healthy."

ugh. koreans are usually straight up blunt ass people. "wow, looks like youve put on a lot of weight since ive seen you last." yeah. that hurts but the "healthy" comment hurts just as much. oh yeah, who doesnt want to be healthy. after all, health should always come first. but what does healthy really look like? ill tell you, healthy looks fat. after all, if 2 is the new 4 and 0 is the new 2, how the hell are you gonna squeeze your fat ass into that dress. oh yes, its a 12, i mean 6.

ill get fun compliments once in a while. "oh wow, you look like youve lost some weight." "seriously, you look great, what are you doing." yeah, i love those but at the same time, they confuse the crap outta me. yes, there are times when i actually feel good about myself and the way i look. yeah man. sometimes i can think im a hot bitch. but then, i go outside, and theres a girl wearing a bandana around her waist (with room leftover), and i cant help but feel like shrek standing next to her.

ive gotten a lot better with the whole comparing myself to others thing. i know that some people can be bigger than me and some can be smaller. fine but i think we should bring the norm back to well, normal. if youre naturally a size 4 good for you and your tiny little body. you know there are so many girls out there who are not natural size 4s and starve themselves just to get and stay that way. ew, why is the little girl thing so hot. makes society a little pedophile-like.

i wanna bring back the hotness to size 6s, 8s, hell even to the 10s. i think its harder and more envious to maintain a bod with curves. please, anyone can be a coke head and wither away to a size 0. i think curvy girls are enviable and smart bc you know they still eat what they want and look hot too. they enjoy life and have fun. viva la 6s!