Tuesday, November 01, 2005

celeb sess

so i was talking with my sis (not joinaclub, the elder sibling) yesterday and she mentioned jason mewes. ah. jay from jay and silent bob. anyway, dee (thats the sis) met jay last year in los angeles and she said how he was chill and all but he doesnt smoke the cheeb anymore. i thought to myself, good for him but if he was still a toker, i wouldve loved to smoke with him. hence the trigger to this post. what celebs would i love to have a fun session with? well, after researching and racking up who loves the greens here is my list:

10. redman & method man - ok, im like the worst pothead ever because i still havent seen how high. i will get to it though. i should put it on my netflix queue pronto. even so, i would love to head on over to si, ny and wax poetic about their wu days. they look like blunt smokers. maybe a big fat dutchie. did you ever watch redmans mtv cribs? hysterical! maybe he'll make me a grilled cheese with his iron. si, ny = classy.

9. prince harry - a royal session!!! honestly, wills might be the prettier of the two but you know prince harry pothead is the partAy animal of the windsor clan. we could share a joint and then put on those ridiculous uk hats (like the one joey got when ross and emily got married) and go to big ben and just stare. and laugh. a royally good time.

8. brad and jen - oh how i miss hollywoods golden couple. especially since both admitted to toking once in a while. i bet brad doesnt touch the greens anymore. you know angies got him whipped. but jen, she probably still tokes. and with vince vaughn. you know vince is a toker. how else can you explain his weight gain. hello! he has doubled in size since his "money" days in swingers. i bet jen an hits the bong once in a while and then just chills at her home in malibu.

7. dave chappelle - pass the doobie bitch! what?! yeah! personally, i liked him best as thurgood in half baked. hes a custodian, not a janitor. id want to smoke with him and then hop into a mitsubishi eclipse and dance ridiculously to days go by before he smacks me upside the head and yells, "pass the doob or get out the g-ddamn car!" maybe we'll pick up some funyuns. yummy.

6. harold and kumar - john cho and kal penn. john famously penned the term "milf" in american pie and i personally loved kal in malibus most wanted (best quote: your mamas so poor that your tits are real). even though kumar was the crazier one of the two, i heard john is the real party animal. yeah man. us krazy koreans know how to relieve our stress, with lots of fun drugs. supposedly, harold and kumar are heading to amsterdam. someone send me with them. i can lose about 20 lbs and play harolds pothead prostitute sister.

5. whitney and bobby - totally top 5 worthy. maybe we can fly to ENG-LAND, smoke on the way to harrods, and then sing and dance randomly while going through the expensive racks. "we're not doing this todaaaaaaaaay!" oh, busting out with whitney to her old hits would be amazing. id have to have jamie join us. no bust out is complete without jamie. even my dad knows that.

4. matthew mcconaughey - alright alright alright. oh man, to smoke with mcconaughey as wooderson would be too amazing. dressed up in the tight pink jeans. its just too much for me. my dream sess with matthew would be to toke in his silver trailer bus thing, have him grill up some burgers and then play the bongos. you just gotta keep on livin. l-i-v-i-n.

3. jack black - yeah man, the ultimate brosef. if i could smoke with jb and kg, and satisfy our munchies with a junior western bacon chee. a junior. for all you non-tenacious d fans (which is probably all 4 of my readers who are close friends of mine), this is probably gibberish. the d is just awesome. we would have a jammin' session together. greens + guitars + their musical genius = rockin' good time. i wouldnt join along in their jammin though. i havent played a string instrument since my parents forced me to join orchestra when i was a little kid. you know how korean parents are: their kids must play a string instrument for at least a year. its like the piano lessons. whipping stick wielding teacher isnt mandatory but usually comes with.

2. willie nelson - how could he not be on the list. i heard him on howard stern a few months ago, while he was promoting dukes and man oh man, did i wish i was an extra, or a pa on that set. just to stand near his trailer. the thought of being invited into willies trailer or tour bus makes my knees go weak. and you know mr nelsons got the good stuff. look at him. always chill. this would be a chillin' session. i heard he could roll a j in like 30 seconds! it takes me about 5 minutes. yes. ive timed myself. and yes i know, im a cheeba-dork.

1. snoop dogg - was there ever any doubt in your mind that the number one spot would belong to anyone else but the one and only d-o-double gizzle. id even trek to the lbc to puff puff give with mr snoop dogg. id drop it like its hot for this honored opportunity. i nearly cried when he "retired" from the cheeb but he came back. he can never stay away. snoop aint the same without a cloud of smoke surrounding him. even his songs just make you wanna light up a dutchie and bob your head along to his funtastic beats. maybe even sip some gin 'n juice.

so theres my top ten but with every list, theres always an honorable mention. honorable mention means (at least in this case) that these people either dont toke any more, havent really admitted to lovin' the maryjane, or are just fun fictional characters. and the honorables are...

jason mewes - im glad he cleaned up his act. really. i am. but if i had met him in his mallrats days, we couldve smoked x-men style. (like logan?/no, wolverine! snickty snickty snoize) couldve exchanged silly sayings like snootchie bootchies and run amock through local shopping malls. maybe the russian cousin olaf from clerks still smokes. his rhymes were tight (my love for you is like a truck berzerker. would you like some making f**k berzerker./did he just say making f**k?!)

justin timberlake - ok, so he hasnt admitted to smokin' the cheeb but we all know britster does (hello! her love for cheetos didnt come from nowhere), hes made a song with snoop (dont tell me no smokin' was goin on during recording), and how the hell else can he deal with dating the most annoying person in the world: cammie d. we'd have a rock your body session. with his washboard abs, i would love to rock his. yummy yum yum ;)

vinny chase and gang - i love love love how much they smoke on this show. shows that celebs like to unwind with some greens in their lungs, of course theyre also lounging by their ridiculous pool to their ridiculous mansion. dont even tell me you didnt want to magically jump into your tv screen when you watched the sherpa episode. was that only me? this would be a fun group session. then, id call up ari gold and have a session with him... in the sack. i love me my mean, asshole agents.


Anonymous Diane said...

Wow! I am in no way shape or form a toker, I don't go near that shit (paranoia naturally) but I must admit your top 10 list is flawless.
It's so good, after reading it, I wanted to light up with Snoop or Willie Nelson, or both.

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