minute munchies

ive been having those thoughts again. career thoughts. what am i doing with my life? you know, the light stuff. in order to jumpstart my thoughts about what kind of career i want, i started thinking about other peoples careers i admire. ok, careers i am downright jealous of. people who have jobs that they actually enjoy having.

im not saying im miserable with my trabajo. if i stand back and look at it, its pretty cool. i get paid (not much but its livable) to sit in front of a computer to chat with buddies, catch up on my celeb goss, and yeah, post a few ads on the companies websites too. not too shabby. dress code is business casual which means i can roll outta bed and put on something that isnt too wrinkled and not get written up for it. the bosses are cool, the atmosphere is laid back. no complaints. honestly. but am i in love with where i stand (or sit for 8 hours a day)? obviously not if my therapist thinks i should consider meds. but misery is a state i am not in.

so as i was thinking about admirable careers, the first and only person that popped into my head was the food network darling rachael ray. $40 a day, 30 minute meals, inside dish. hello! whats not to be jealous of. the jiller and i always say we could do our own $40 a day type show for new yorkers who have no money but love the eclectic variety of eateries the greatest city in the world has to offer. so i found an admirable career. now what do i love to do? this popped into my head:

a pipe and a crepe
a bong and a blintz

one of my all time favorite things to do is come home after a long hard day of work, have a session in the backyard and then go to the kitchen to make whatever my crazy mind comes up with using whatever we have in the fridge and cupboards and my cooking skills (although limited) with my favorite appliances (the microwave and toaster oven). true, the family usually runs away when i enter the kitchen to cook but if the meals satisfy my appetite, why wouldnt they gratify others? i even came up with a catchy title: minute munchies. now if only i can come up with a way to pitch this to the food network. im sure theyll be thrilled with a drug inducing food program. maybe i should set my sights for high times. im sure mom and dad would be so proud. "so what does your daughter do?/she writes a food column for high times." yeah man, bragging rights are written all over this bright idea. minute munchies. a career goal.

prozac-tion

if you didnt phone me
i see my sky turning black
i wish my mom would loan me
a couple of prozac

yeah. so after a little over a year of therapy, jill r brought up the inevitable - meds. im still thinking about it. i dont have a prescription in hand or anything. i didnt even go for a consultation yet. i guess you can say im scared. and when i get scared of something, i ask around for opinions because lord knows i cant make decisions on my own which is one of the many reasons why i have my feel good monday sessions. so i asked a small panel of close people: joinaclub, the jiller (not to be confused with jill r) and soon to be dr jordan k. here are their answers:

joinaclub: if people can go through the holocaust without meds, you can deal with your life too.

the jiller: youll become a zombie. never be the same.

med student in guam jordan k: they can be ok but take 'em with therapy sessions. therapy is the best solution.

jill r only suggested the meds because the smallest things make me go all depressed like. quasi suicidal. ok, so suicidal thoughts have run through my mind but the cheap ass cvs sleeping pills are in the trash and no, i wont be in my car running with the garage doors shut to the max any time soon. or any time at all. i wouldnt throw away a whole year of sessions with jill r and not to mention years and years of amazing relationships i have with my super extraordinary friends because i cant deal with the fact that i wont be going away for my bday. (i told you. small things make me crazy, hence jill rs suggestion of meds). the one thing that always stops me is my brosef. i love that kid to pieces and to picture him dealing with my possible death sends me to more tears than youll ever know.

but i think the thing thats stopping me most from even going to the consultation is what the jiller said. i will never be the same again. change scares me the most. i even get nervous when i get a damn haircut. thats how ridonculous i am. i was a complete wreck before i got my nj and eyelid creasing even though i was unhappy with my looks and was changing them for the better. i love the high highs i get outta life and even though my lows can go to the deepest of lows, im scared the meds will keep me at a medium. no lows but also no highs. im just gonna have to discuss more with jill r before i make any decisions. you know me, heavy discussions before any kind of decision making. to prozac or not to prozac, that is the question!

hot doc hero

after a week long funk of being down about being a 1 outta 3, i actually had a pretty kickass weekend. the best balance of going out with friends, running silly errands with the sibs, and chilling out at home. during my funk, i decided to not go out at all and signed up on netflix soon after. i figured, if im gonna stay in, might as well keep myself entertained. signed up on thursday, and got my first two discs on saturday. i never wouldve thought id get so into a show or be so amazed until i watched the pilot ep:

adam said i would love it and its true, im hooked already. my goal was to watch all of season 1 before the season 2 premiere but that doesnt seem likely. lost is amazing. the pilot was like a blockbuster film except i actually loved what i was watching. amazed, scared and aroused. yeah man. instead of yelling "BEST SHOW!" like i usually do while watching 'guna or degrass, im yelling "HOT DOC HERO" every five seconds. yeah man. the hot. doc. hero. = yummy. yum. yum.
i read about his character numerous times last year when the show was getting hot. even if i dont watch a particular show, ill still read about it. heard his character was the hero of the show. thought it was all mumbo jumbo but damn, he is the hero but hes a vulnerable "im not sure what im doing" type of hero which makes him that much hotter. how can you not think someone who helped a squimish girl sew a nasty gash in his back and a frightened guy push his shoulder back into its socket is hot. oh. he made those medical procedures seem simple while calming down his helpful civilians during the process. HOT!!!

maybe its his character or maybe im getting older but that matthew fox is one fine looking man. ill tell you the truth, i was always a bailey fan but ive grown up a lot since the party of five days and although scott wolf has a great face, hes lacking in the height department. matthew fox is tall, kinda dark, and deliciously handsome. joinaclub watches lost for ian somerhalder who i must admit has a beautiful face, but his character is kind of annoying and he also weighs 2 pounds. the hot doc hero has got it all!

i cant wait for the next two discs to arrive at my door and the second season looks intense. besides yelling, "HOT DOC HERO" id also yell out the occasional, "so intense it could be degrassi" after some crazy scenes. lost is great. its entertaining and it also makes you think. its like gilligans island meet big brother meets something else thats scary. what is out there? how did they get there? you always have the suspicious feeling that someone crazy evil is behind all this. the survivors are all apart of his experiment. or its the government being assholes. what is the story behind this epic tale? i dont know but im gonna have an awesome time finding out while watching my hot doc hero in action. yummy!

screw the small talk... im stayin' home

i dont love going out. seriously. i definitely hate being in my crazy casa but after much thinking over the weekend, ive decided im staying in. ill still go out for occasions like bdays bc im still a good friend and always make my celebratory cameos when necessary but if its a night of going out just for the sake of going out, im saving my good outfits and gas and staying in.

ive been in a funk lately. maybe jill r can help me get out of it tomorrow during my feel good monday sess but the jiller was over this morning to try and talk me out of my staying in movement. i explained my reasons. it actually started when i met up with adam on thursday during my personal day off from work. i went into the city, bought some much needed chocolate and then headed over to chelsea to hang out with ad.

he said he was in a funk too. basically broke down what you need in life into three parts - job, apt, boyfriend. we only have one each, me a job and he an apt and you know how the saying goes, "2 outta 3 aint bad" which means we're pretty bad because we dont even have 2. and its true, 2 outta 3 aint bad at all. i think i would be content with a job and an apt. the boyfriend can follow later. but considering i still live at home with the crazy 'rents and unfortunate sibs, im still sitting in funkville. so after a fun time of toking and watching mindless tv with ad (which is one of my all time fave things to do) i headed back home.

i went back to work the next day and decided my fate aka the staying in movement. i think its a pretty good plan considering the times we're in right now. gas aint cheap. it is downright ridonculous. i never ever paid $30 for a full tank and now im pushing $40 whenever i fill up. thats pretty nice dent in my wallet. a dent that doesnt need to grow, especially with frequent trips into nyc. hence, cutdown on trips = less times at mobil.

also, my feet have a say in these nights out. yeah, i can wear comfy flip flips while bar hopping with my girlies but lets face it, my ass looks a whole lot nicer in my jeans when accompanied by high heels. the lift in the shoes gives a little lift elsewhere making my bod look as fab as possible. while i look so awesome, my feet dont feel as great. i absolutely want to chop them off by the end of the night but a footless girl is an unattractive girl and you know no girl wants to be called unattractive. thats like the ultimate anti goal of a girl, unattractiveness.

speaking of unattractiveness, what else can make a fun girl like me seem unattractive? the wrong answers during the excrutiating small talk when meeting new people. let me give you an example:

possible cute boy: hey, im pcb
me: im cassie
pcb: nice to meet you.
me: likewise.
pcb: so what do you do? (job)
me: i work at a publishing company
(more boring explanations come about, etc...)
what do you do?
pcb: (describes his probably boring job but who cares)
me: wow thats really interesting (im always pseudo nice when meeting new people)
pcb: so where do you live?
me: on long island. at home. still with my parents.
(awkward silence.... pcb becomes an f-in bastard, finds an excuse and walks away)

this is probably the main reason why im going with the staying in movement. why subject myself to this horrible rejection at the price of expensive gas, painful feet, and a hot outfit, and of course a brusied self esteem (i use self esteem rather than ego because egos are what people with high self esteems have and i for one do not have one of those, explaining my feel good monday sessions with jill r). the jiller says i should still go out and just not talk to new people but wherever you go, its inevitable. you go out with a group of friends, either you or one of your chicas will run into someone else they know, do the introductions, yaddy yaddy yadda. you cant away.

damn small talk. i hate it. thats why im boycotting it all together. until i get my 2 outta 3, im staying in my crazy casa. i wont be completely alone. im thinking about starting a netflix account. start watching the shows ive wanted to watch but never got around to. like lost. the new season starts next week so i gotta do my catching up fast.

thursday nights: o c(heese) tv

double whammy last night. wasnt even going to to watch the oc because my heart belongs to the real oc: laguna beach but i needed something to watch before the much anticipated reunion so i indulged myself in some cohen family action.

i thought i was on the anti reality show bandwagon when reality shows started popping up like movie theatre popcorn but after comparing the two orange county based programs in my head, ive realized id rather hop on the reality boat rather than the scripted programming yacht. i think lc is way hotter than mischa barton and even though her life isnt as exciting as that of marissa cooper, i find myself being more entertained by lc contemplating whether or not to finish her mammoth weekend puzzle rather than marissa dealing with her failed attempted murder of her pseudo rapist trey (brother of her boyfriend/friend ryan "bad boy from chino" atwood).

the newport beach foursome were cute spending their "last day(s)" before trey decides their jail time fate by frolicking at the beach and making out by the lifeguard booths. actually, the fun time montage made me feel kinda lonely - reminding me that i dont have any cute boys to frolick by the sea with. made me realize my summer was spent like any other week of the year and ended with a botched cruise accompanied by a tropical storm. then again, i wasnt wondering if i was gonna end up in jail before i graduate high school so i started to cheer up again.

cohen and co trying to run away with atwood was pretty funny but filled with velveeta cheese. i was hoping reunion wasnt going to be as cheestastic but then again, the show is set over a 20 year span starting with the cheesiest decade ever - the '80s - so i had to take my lactaid, sit back and enjoy this hour long ride.

i actually taped the show. old school style on an actual vhs. i know i know. who doesnt have tivo or dvr these days right? but when youre still living with the 'rents (which i am working my ass off trying to free myself of) you gotta deal with what you got and all we got is the dish network and a vcr. (dvd and karaoke too but karaoke does much more harm than good, especially when the older sib is in town). i cant be a total dish network hater. i still have my basic but very important channels (mtv, vh1, the-n: home of degrassi!) and it provides my parents with 3 korean channels. yeah man 3. directv only had 1 channel that only aired an hour of korean programming and cablevision had zero! and the korean channel isnt all for my parents. jo and i have also been watching a korean drama every weeknight at 9pm with the mahj hence the old school taping of reunion.

anyhoo, i watched the anticipated premiere and was... slightly less than satisfied. that always happens though. i get really excited about a new show and then my expections run sky high and when i finally watch what ive been waiting for, it just seems ok. the only shows that meet my expectations are degrassi and the 'guna. even entourage hasnt been up to par lately. and well, i guess reunion will be joining vinny chase and gang.

will i watch reunion next week? of course. even though it was mediocre, its still addicting. im not sitting at the edge of my seat but i also wont want to miss all the happenings of these six buddies in 1987 - the year after high school graduation, the car crash, and everyones departure to london, new york, brown university, prison. you know, where all normal groups of friends end up. this show is like desperate housewives. its nothing spectacular yet you cant not watch it because there is nothing on tv that is like it. and each episode does have you wanting to know what happens in the next. plus, it doesnt hurt that will estes is on the main characters. loves it!

its about to be a... girlfight

i think all weekends should be three days long and should end with a fabulous ep of the 'guna! seriously, i always end up yelling, "B-E-S-T show EVER!!!" 10:30 pm monday nights. no joke. i love it too much. so i thought this ep would be filled with jessica whining about missing jason and jason engaging in a scandalous relationship with alex only a few days (or it could be hours, they never specified when exactly they got together) after he dumped her annoying ass. i knew that lcs reaction to talan telling her that "her" stephen actually spent his valentines day having dinner with kristin (who ordered lobster! milk it you ho!) would be great but there were so many layers to the ep that we could call it a bloomin' onion from outback. yum!

lc - "the only time we left the cabin was to go to the jacuzzi." wow. that is exactly how i wouldve spent a weekend in the snow too. awesome. the other reason to leave the cabin - to meet talan for lunch. yeah. those would be the only two reasons for me to leave too: the jacuzzi and to eat. especially with the yummy talan! seriously, heres a gratuitous shot of the boy who became a hot man in a span of a semester:

why am i pining for a kid who can get me arrested for statutory rape? this show is more dangerous than i thought it was. anyway, their lunch was when talan dropped the v-day bomb on lc. after she happily but slightly wearily remembered stephen bringing flowers and chocolates to her a mere hour before he was on his way back to san fran, talan told the blonde beauty that mr cheekbones had valentines day dinner the night before with kristin. haha! lc loses again. it definitely hit her who stephens ultimate choice is but you know as soon as that bastard even glances at her, shes a gonna come a runnin. oh that girl. love is blind.

speaking of blind - poor stephen. hes got the hottest bitch ever (lc) following after him like a lost puppy dog and he chases after a bitch who won't even stop cleaning her room (in her vacation condo no less) to speak to him for two seconds (can you be any bitchier, kristin). watching him beg her to come visit him up in san fran was just cringe-inducing. have you no pride boy?! even after a lobster dinner, all she gave you was a "pffht yeah" answer to a san francisco treat/trip. give it up son.

jessica. her skull is much thicker than stephens. must be made outta the bulletproof stuff. nothing gets in man. nothing. so jason finally got the balls to dump her ass so of course she plays the "i need tremendous amounts of sympathy" card with a little "im gonna go away and forget about him" in the mix. idiot. the girl is glued to her phone waiting for her ex to call while hes making out with his new girlfriend. oh jessica. she played the dumb dumpee in this ep but once she gets a whiff of jasons new relationship, her fighting claws come out. meeeeeeoooooowwwwwwww!!!!!

i really honestly thought i would hate alex in this ep and wanna cut this bitch out. seriously. let me spell it out for ya: R-E-B-O-U-N-D. i wouldve done the whole cheer for ya last week but after watching even the first 7 minutes of this ep, i knew alex wasnt the rebound chick but the one jason really wants. yeah. i finally think he has a functioning brain and even more, a heart. a heart with feelings. feelings for jessicas arch nemesis alex. man i love this show!

what made it even more valid was watching jason with alex. so so so different, polar opposite even, to how he was with jessica. he actually smiled. and a lot. who knew there was teeth behind his facial hair (i swear the kid has got to be a narc). his answer to why he smiles so much, "you" (to alex). who knew he had a mushy side? heres some old school pics of the happy couple courtesy of one of my new fave bloggers jewkakke.

youd think itd be all roses now for our bearded high schooler and his new girl but when youve got a psycho ex like jessica, rosy aint the way your life is gonna be. next ep is gonna be crazy and i cant wait. who knew jessica was a fighter. trying to win back jason the only way she knows how - by calling him nonstop and making a move when she can. love it! but we all know alex. we know shes a fighter too. can you hear the brooke valentine music or what?

this kinda makes me mad too. the googly side of jason isnt real? is he really just the sleaze bag we always saw him to be. im guessing yes because deep down i think hes a 35 year old posing as a 17 year old kid to get some high school ass. ridiculous!

kristin. what games will you be playing in laguna and with us next week? i think she was flirting with talan during their weekend in the snow because he was cuter than that other guy they went with and you know shes always gotta have some attainable salami at all times. even if she isnt having any. she just likes to know its there. at her disposable. gotta love a smart bitch like kristin.

on a side note - even though alex couldve gotten jason with a quasimodo size hump on her back, i think her dear friend casey went that extra special mile to make sure her friend claimed the man of her dreams. ive got a funny feeling casey gave jasons good friend and sidekick cedric and lickin' down under to ensure that jason realizes he is unhappy with jessica and would be much happier with alex. i dont know. cedric and casey just seemed way too happy that those two were finally together. hmmmm. makes you wonder dont it.

a good show on fox? plus a lil mickey p

when i usually get excited about a tv show, its usually for the return of an old fave like degrassi, laguna beach, entourage, etc... i havent been excited about a brand spanking new show in the longest time. i remember walking into the living room a few weeks ago and hearing the last few seconds of this commercial, "... fox's reunion" and automatically saying, "worst show ever". could you blame me? anything that follows "fox's" is pretty much gonna be bad but the network has been pulling surprises lately. although i havent seen it, ive heard pretty good things about prison break. and everyone loves the oc (even though the real oc, aka laguna beach is like television gold next to its bronze) and the national fave american idol. and i cant forget the comedic gems called arrested develompent and the simpsons. but this new one. i cant wait. im so excited its premiering in one week.

im all over this show and its myspace profile. the story actually intrigued me. its about six friends from high school. each episode skips to the next year for 20 years (20 eps) beginning with high school graduation. the last ep has the climatic murder between the friends which leaves us wondering, who died and who commited the murder? how great does that sound. and whats even better is this:

will estes. i know. worst name. any name that rhymes with testes is a good sign to get a better stage name but the saddest part is is that that is his stage name. his real last name - nipper. the guy is lucky hes got a great face or else his childhood would have been monstrous with the name calling. so ive been watching this pretty face when it was on the doomed show kirk on the wb, during guest spots on full house and boy meets world, a bon jovi music video, i even sat through u-571. i watched a few eps of american dreams but once his character went off to war and the girlfriend was preggers i stopped watching. anyway, im just so happy that i actually get to watch him act in something good. looks like he gets into some heavy shit. i couldve sworn i saw him sitting in jail cell and then in a preist outfit thingy during the promo. interesting. jailbird turned priest. man. this show looks better and better to me the more i think about it.

reunion aint the only thing thats making me smile. even though this is probably going to be one of the most horrible movies ill ever see, i still have to go and watch:

i know i know. its another american pie-ish piece of crap. it actually has a decent plot but its all how the movie is made and since this film has been through and is still in release date hell, im sure this movie is gonna be "great". the only reason i would see this film is right here:

thats right. mickey p is back biiiiiiiiitttttttccccccchhhhhh!!! hes my one and only star spangled elvis. my 2g og. and hes back. coming back to the big screen in that piece of shit movie but its a movie which means hes still working. his character is either a wiseass/class clown or a dumb jock/asshole. oh the typecasting is rough but look at him. even if you put him in a suit with a tweed jacket (with the suede elbow patches), a pipe in his mouth and those one eye-d glasses ala sherlock holmes and he still wouldnt look like the brightest of the bunch. its alright though. i still love him. lisp and all. he still gets me fired up. and hes tall too! gotta love the tall boys. tall bad boys. i may just pop in my 2gether dvd tonight. the hardest part of breaking up... is getting back yo stuuuuuufffffff. meow!