Wednesday, November 30, 2005

rockin' around the xmas tree

thanksgiving is over. let the holiday shopping begin. the holiday madness. ugh, the crazy traffic and crowds. the damn holiday music. seriously, i am not a xmas carol person. silver bells. shove 'em up your ass. the one xmas song i can tolerate is mariahs all i want for xmas. that lady can sing a stupid easter bunny song and i would love it. yes but when it comes to december, its all about buying gifts online and calling it a night. you wont see me trimming the xmas tree. sipping eggnog or roasting chestnuts on an open fire. and no, i will not be watching its a wonderful life or miracle on 34th street on xmas day. im not a complete scrooge though. there are a few holiday flicks that hold a special place in my heart, or that doesnt make me upchuck from the holiday cheerful cheese (the one type of cheese i hate). my twisted top ten...

10. the nutcracker - i dont know what it is about the sugarplums song but every time i hear it, it brings me back to watching the nutcracker and wishing i were one of the dancers. they looked so graceful and pretty. i think deep down ive always wanted to be a ballerina but i was a little kid who needed something more flashy to show off with. thats why i chose gymnastics. gymnastics is flashy. ballet is graceful, soft and delicate. toys dancing. what a fantasy for a little child which leads me to the next flick.

9. babes in toyland - cant remember much about it but i know the first time i saw it was during class in 2nd grade. then a few days later, it was on tv. i was fascinated because we just read that story about the family who lived in a shoe and they were in this movie. thats all i remember, the shoe family. i told you, im not big on xmas movies. thats why this is number 9.

8. all i want for xmas - awwwwww. ethan embry when hes like 14 and little thora birch at age like 6 or 7. so cute. so adorable. typical i want my divorced parents back together movie with a pet mouse thrown into it. crazy antics, lots of milkshakes. and it has the best duet too: "baby its cold outside..." songs are very important in making a holiday movie great.

7. national lampoons xmas vacation - the holidays + clark w griswald = 'nuff said.

6. elf - this also has the same duet as all i want for xmas but this time with will ferrell and zooey deschanel and instead of it being by a grand piano, its in the bathroom of a department store. "santa. i know him!" will ferrell in yellow tights. doesnt get any funnier.

5. the ref - denis leary. put him in any movie about any holiday and im sold. candlestick head pieces! kevin spacey as a fed up husband. crazy grandmas. i love the bitchy cheapass grandmas. funny plot, witty lines, totally top five worthy!

4. xmas story - "fra-geeeee-lay. must be italian." this is my all time favorite classic holiday movie. from the "i cant put my arms down" winter gear, "youll poke your eye out", the infamous tongue on pole, the feetie pjs, soap in mouth and the best ending of all: dinner at the chinese restaurant: "fa ra ra ra raaaaa ra ra ra ra" do you know they actually sell that leg lamp? awesome.

3. muppets xmas carol - i may hate the typical xmas crap but i love my muppets and they did a pretty good job with this classic tale. seriously, i love the muppets. muppet babies was my favorite show. and this is totally a classic tale. scrooge, the ghosts of past, present, and future and tiny tim. cant forget tiny tim. we definitely read this in school and i definitely fell asleep (reading makes me sleepy) but watching the movie really made me appreciate the story.

2. love actually - "i feel it in my fingers. i feel it in my toes.... britney spears...she was rubbish." funny, cute, feel good movie. i love every character, every storyline, i love love love it. love actually actually rocks. it also has kickass music so much so that i own the soundtrack. hmmm, i just may need to put that back into rotation in my car. and it also has my fave xmas song, "all i want for xmas."

1. home alone (the macaulay culkin ones) - i usually dont give sequels a chance but number two is just as good as number one and possibly even better. oh mac, you did good with these. i think my favorite character is the asshole brother buzz, "i wouldnt let you sleep in my room if you were growing on my ass." the best part about these movies is how kevin geniusly uses the gangster movies to defend himself, "keep the change you filthy animal."

the holidays arent just about xmas. yes theres hannukah and kwanza too but the holidays are never complete without new years! here are my "special mention" new years flicks:

when harry met sally - ok, this is a relationship movie but the ending, when harry finally realizes how he feels for sally and pours his heart out to her right before the ball drops. ahhh, best new years and just plain old regular movie moment ever. any girl would love to have a guy profess his love like that to her. it wasnt cheesy but just real. real love. real feelings. real good. real real good.

200 cigarettes - "throwing a party is like an invitation for abuse." you want every new years, or just any night, to turn out like this one. lots of mini journeys to this one big destination and when you get there, its a smorgasbord of random people with even more random matches at the end of the night. awesome. and yes, great great music. "elvis. costello. the love of my life. was here. at my party?!/yeah yeah. he kept asking around about the crab dip. nobody had the recipe./i got it off a box. i couldve told him that."

special mention:
after watching a commercial with this song
cassie: tea for two and two for tea.
joanna: i dont want tea from you.

Tuesday, November 29, 2005

psychos, bitches, sluts... the girl groups

the men have had their share of bashing so now its time to turn the spotlight on the other half: women. the complex gender cant have just 3 groups. no, theres almost 3 times as many.

psychos - most common breed. girls are thinkers but with heavy thinking comes crazy thoughts, crazy psychotic thoughts. get involved with a psycho hose beast and theres no escape. none. just like the male psychos, psycho girls have one goal and one goal only and that is to be the one they love. always. everyday, every minute, every second. a psycho girl will go to extreme lengths like moving next door to her "kinda into the relationship but really wants out" boyfriend or a block away from the asshole shes obsessed with. we all know one or two. theres no stopping a psycho. all you can do is step to the side and watch with slight horror.

the bitch - you can spot this one from a mile away. its all in her face. the "youve got balls for looking at me" face. a bitch only cares about one person and thats herself. dont confuse a bitch with an emotionally detached girl. bitches are pure evil. psychos cause harm but the root of it comes from love. bitches do mean things just because they feel like it. they come off as having a "male" mind because they mess around and break hearts. yes hearts get broken all the time but bitches do it with a smile on their faces.

nurturer - exact opposite of a bitch. this is the girl who just wants to take care of a boy. wants to clean him up, make him pretty, teach him manners and then show him off to whoever will look. they love love love boys with problems because they want to solve them and make it all better. makes her feel like superwoman. the nurturer eventually turns into the best soccer mom ever. why? because she never misses a carpool and even bakes between errands. a nurturer in her twenties is just super sweet and super happy. you got to be a happy girl if you want to help out a sad sad boy. happy girls have all the solutions. its in their nature to nurture.

emotionally detached - stone cold stare. usually confused with the bitch face but unlike a bitch who likes to inflict pain on others, emotionally detached girls are doing the opposite and are just protecting themselves from pain. these are the most complex of all girls because they push away the one thing they crave, some affection. if a guy plays his cards right, he can totally unleash the emotions of an e.d. but if he breaks her heart, he may cause the e.d. to turn into a p-s-y-c-h-o. the emotionally detached are all or nothing girls. feelings are either bottled up and burst open flying everywhere. the lows get low but the highs are pretty awesome too. hey man, nobodys perfect.

independent woman - closest to "perfect" because this girl has got all aspects of her life balanced. an independent woman can have a boyfriend and not sound like an oxymoron. how? because she miraculously doesnt let her friends, boyfriends, or family feel like second fiddle. ever. she makes time for everyone. independent women usually wear the pants in a relationship because most guys arent secure enough to trust their girlfriends when they go out without them. or even if he does complain, the independent woman whips her man back into place. every girl tries to be an independent woman. well, every girl with a functioning brain.

sluts and whores - if every girl strives to be an independent woman, but deep down, all she really wants to be is a slut. they just dont want the nasty rep that comes with it. i actually admire sluts and whores because these girls arent ashamed of who they are and what they do, which is have great sex with numerous guys. yeah, there are different kinds of sluts and whores: the nasty ones (std central), the needy ones (daddy issues!), the skanky ones ("umm, what was your name again?"), but the worst ones of all are what i like to call "the catholic school sluts".

catholic school sluts are the worst because theyre hypocrites. they preach about being religious and then go screw every boy who glances her way. i especially hate the ones who dont have sex but do everything but... and butt! i dont think god said anal was ok before marriage but whatever, catholic school girls love loopholes as much as assholes.

the always needs a boyfriend girl - sad sad sad. these are the saddest girls because they cant define themselves without a male figure by her side. the a.n.a.b. girl could turn psycho when she is (gasp!) single, but these girls usually dont have any single time. they usually dont leave one relationship without another waiting in the wings. selfish yes but its only because she has no sense of self. sad. just so sad.

hanging on for dear life girl - almost as sad as an a.n.a.b. girl. its not that she needs a boyfriend, shes needs this boyfriend. the one shes with. even if the relationship is dead end or even abusive, the girl just cant leave. she is either hanging on for financial reasons or even worse, emotional reasons. what a hanging on for dear life girl needs is a self esteem and a great therapist to help her build one. every girl has the capability of becoming awesome but the first step is to ditch the loser. easier said than done but everything in life takes work. the end results not only turn out better but theyre also more appreciated.

cheesy flirt (aka pseudo slut) - these girls have a great time when they go out. why? because theyre dressed for a fun night out on the town. ok, theyre dressed like sluts. a cheesy flirt is usually in an outfit that screams "meet me in the bathroom in 10 minutes..." but when you approach her, shes asking you what your favorite billy joel or '80s song is. then you realize theres no tryst in the bathroom in the near future but if youre lucky, maybe a hand job in the shared cab ride home (to your separate apts). cheesy flirts can eventually turn into fun girlfriends but that aint gonna come easy. boys have gotta work and commit and considering those two things arent faves amongst men, theres still a lot of single cheesy flirts out there.

have you figured out which one you are or know of any girls who fit into any of the groups above? men and women are definitely from different planets. jamie and i may pull an oprah/tai and read men are from mars, women are from venus and have a book club-like hardcore discussion afterwards. although there are so many groups for both boys and girls it really just comes down to this: in the end all guys are assholes and all girls are psycho. the lack of emotions makes guys assholes and the overabundunce of feelings eventually turn girls crazy. happy living everyone!

prank call special mention:
no funny quote here just a question - who pranked jamie back in september? any leads, send 'em this way.

parking special mention:
"omg! another spot just opened up. what is it, spot day?"

hope your parking sitch is like this today jam!

Monday, November 28, 2005

roger was here

im not a girl...
(im not a girl dont tell me what to believe)
not yet a woman.
(im just trying to find the woman in me, yeah)

and rent the movie:
"youre living in america. at the end of the millennium."

same place, same cheese.

counter part - nice guys

so the aim and i were discussing the three groups of guys that are out there and she quickly reminded me of another group of guys that existed. well, theyre not exactly in a group of their own. its more like a counter part of one of the three groups: the nice guys. yes there are nice guys out there but theyre never just a nice guy. nice guys are usually also weirdos and sometimes psychos. the really smart psychos are nice guys because while theyre abusing you they also make you feel like the bad guy by being so damn nice at the same time. its possible. its twisted but totally possible. there are nice assholes out there but they can never be true nice guys because theyre asshole-ness just overpowers the nice-ness.

nice guys are easy to pick out. theyre usually extra sensitive and dont give off that aura you get from the pompous assholes. a pompous asshole thinks hes cool and feels the need to show that off immensely which in the long run just makes him look like a moron (and this is when you laugh in his face). nice guys never show off because theyre muy sensitivo and dont think theyre all that. if anything theyre seeking for reassurance like a little 12 year old girl but unlike a girl, they dont fish for compliments. no, they get them through sympathy. a guy who cries on a girls shoulder always gets laid. always.

nice guys tend to be raised by their mothers. sons of single mothers are sen.sit.ive. they love their mommies and would never want to inflict the pain that their mommies had to endure on another female. but then thats when the weirdo or psycho part comes in. they can be weirdos in the strange ways of protecting a girl or a psycho with the lengths they will go to protect her. most will be mushy because they can deal with their sensitive side. its the extra pheromones theyve been surrounded by when growing up. ok, i dont know if thats a fact or not but it could be. totally.

i think thats why relationships are such hard work. because everyone is such a different combo: nice weirdo, psycho asshole, nice psycho, etc... which combos of guys work with which type of girls (which i will get to later on)? i say if the fun times are worth the fight, keep on keepin on but if the work aint worth relationship, drop it like its hot, drop drop it like its hot.

special mention:
jamie comtemplating on what to do with a certain "nice" asshole
jamie: i can keep him on the side.
cassie: yeah man, hes not even appetizer worthy.
jamie: i need to find me a turkey.
cassie: totally.
jamie: yeah. dont wanna overdo it on the gravy. it ruins the turkey.

words of wisdom on how to deal with the "nice" assholes in life. make 'em gravy.

ps - when did i become carrie bradshaw? minus the mr big and aidan of course. heck, id even take an aleksandr petrovsky. ok, no i wouldnt. maybe a jack berger. who am i kidding, just get me a bacon cheeseburger and paint me happy.

Sunday, November 27, 2005

weirdos, psychos and assholes

"every girl likes attention from a boy. even if he is the worst person ever."

after my parents questioned my sexuality (no, i am not a lesbian, not that theres anything wrong with that), i realized most of the gabbing that happened this weekend revolved around relationships. boyfriends, dating, status, no status, boys, boys, boys. after complaining about guys for hours, jamie and i categorized these bastards into 3 groups. i guarantee any guy you name can be placed in at least one of these groups. i say at least one because there are those special guys who are a combo. yes, ive read hes just not that into you but if everyone followed that book, then every girl would be single and alone. i still think the book is great because it really simplifies the dating life for girls. if he doesnt call you, hes just not that into you. wonderful. but the world, ok the city (nyc), is full of weirdos, psychos and assholes and let me tell you, these bastards aint gonna call you back... or ask you for plans. or you might get the opposite and receive numerous calls from him begging you to stay (hiller).

weirdos - seriously, the best type out of the three. if you had to choose, pick a weirdo. yes, they are strange and most likely perverted but weirdos also tend to be nice and actually care (and not just aware of) girls feelings. they make you feel all mushy and lovey when you two are together. there are always quirks but hey, nobodys perfect. certain quirks might be that they are socially inadequate or just damn freaky deeky in private and lets face it, some girls like the freaky deeky. dont expect a call back after the freaky deeky session though. thats just how weirdos work. they live on their own schedule (which is usually led by the penis).

psychos - when they like what they got, they wont let go. ever. even after you tell them you dont want to be with them. dont see your future with him in it. psychos are scary because they are usually smart. they have a great way with words and can be very manipulative. psychos created abusive relationships. if you wanna be abused or just want every opportunity you can possibly get be thrown away in the trash, get yourself a psycho. just stock up on gauze and neosporin for the wounds... and a therapist when you want out because you will definitely need one.

assholes - most guys fall under this category. there are so many assholes out there that this group even has sub groups. theres the typical asshole that will flirt with you, take you out on a date (and usually sleep with you), and then vanish into thin air. then theres the "nice" asshole. the guy who calls you everyday after your first date, asks how your day was, even asks what your plans are and then when you wait for the "hey, wanna do dinner?" or even a "hey, wanna get a drink?" he says goodbye. the pompous asshole is my personal fave because these are the ones you can laugh at. the guy you used to hook up with that now flirts with every other girl in sight but you. you can laugh at him because you know how big (or should i say small) his penis is and those poor other girls dont. these guys are usually the ones who would yank your hair in second grade to show his affections towards you.

ok, i just bashed men but hey, women arent perfect either. although most men can be categorized as assholes, most girls can probably be categorized as psycho. i think everyone knows fatal attraction or (for the young ones) swimfan. its a strange world out there. you just gotta pick which kind of strange you want to be with: a weirdo, psycho, or asshole.

special mention:
jamie and i having a late night bedside convo
cassie: at least your family doesnt think your a lesbian.
jamie notices that we're two girls in the same bed
jamie: they might now.

Friday, November 25, 2005

happy THINKsgiving

thats no typo. i think this holiday should be changed to thinksgiving bc this time of year brings a lot of thoughts. yes, its a time to be thankful but being thankful requires thinking and with my mind, that could be dangerous. surprisingly, i havent had the suicidal downward spiral that i usually get when i sit back and reflect on my life. i even had people bring up the two biggest "challenge" questions of my life and i answered them with poise and self esteem. jill r would be so proud.

the first "challenge" would be of course the "why am i still living at home/when am i moving to the city" question which arose during my thanksgiving eve night out. i get this question often but usually from people who realize how kickass i am. hmmm, another self esteem boost. this question usually gets me down. makes me feel like a loser. but now i realize that sometimes when people ask me that question its bc they want me to live in the city so my awesomeness can be closer to them. ooh, happy thought. (must be from watching hook tonight. wheres the fairy dust so i can fly.) besides, i also realized that a lot of people living in the city are students living on mommy and daddys money. i may be living under mommy and daddys roof but the dough i spend is earned by m-e me. awesome, im not a grub. besides, ive got a plan. i already have a roomie (kickass victoria whos a toker and likes to cook. a lot. best roomie!), im getting a savings account in january so i can spend what i want during my holiday shopping and i even have a snazzy slogan for a sign to hang up above the couch/futon/spare bed thingy ("ass, grass, or cash" occupancy aint free bitches!)

the second "challenge" question was brought up by my parents, surprise surprise. the "why dont i have a boyfriend" question. i answered my father by saying i havent found a guy whos good enough for me. seriously, when i did i get all high self esteem like? anyway, for some reason this got my parents all crazy-like thinking i may be a lesbian. then they changed the subject (bc people can be gay, just not their children) to the fact that im picky. i have to just give people a chance. i am picky but that statement derives from the fact that i bailed on two attempted blind dates arranged by my father and my cousin to meet my cousins friend. the thought of the date not only gave me the heebie jeebies but literally and physically made me nauseous. so since those bail outs, im considered to be picky and snooty for not going on blind dates. im all for blind dates, just not ones arranged by (and that actually thrill) my parents. theyre itching for grandkids but they should start scratching around their daughter who lives with her boyfriend and whos also pushing 30. ew. pregnancy makes me think of alien. im so not ready to have some living thing growing inside me. ew. so freaky!

so wednesday was a crazy night out. brought out a lot of special mention worthy quotes but most importantly, it was a lot of fun times. it started with rent bust outs in the car with jamie, matt and alex. then a rushed pregaming sess at jamies bc "special" jay just had to get to the man (aka the manchester aka the worst bar ever) asap so he can attempt to get some ass from a girl who looks like a mix between a skinny dog and skinny horse (attractive... NOT!), singing random 2gether songs with eddie man while waiting for jiller to arrive, betting jamie that no one will show up to karaoke (i still owe you a dime jam), dk and the introduction of his sister the vp (and that is not short for vice prez), and finally some late night karaoke in k-town. oh yeah, and as thurgood would say, "i got some booty. i got some booty." the rest of the holiday has been spent at home. thinking surprisingly good thoughts. yeah, i still live at home, i still dont have a boyfriend. im basically a 1 out of 3 but its ok. ive got a plan and rent still on my mind. im excited to see the movie on sunday with the girls. until then, ill just keep singing another day to myself. no day but today!

"special" jay special mention:
jay hails a cab to after he rushes jamie and me out of her apt.
jay: cabman! take us to the man, cabman.
this explains why hes so special.

"vp" special mention:
after mysteriously fighting with the female and very irish bartender
vp: i never wanna punch someone in the vagina but i wanna punch hers.
and shes supposedly quieter than dk.

eddie man special mention:
a few minutes after our arrival at the man
jamie: cass, have a beer.
eddie: she cant she'll turn red.
jamie: how do you know that?
cassie: hes a doctor.

a fun first wives club reference

Tuesday, November 22, 2005


motivation such an aggravation
accusations, dont know how to take them
inspirations getting hard to fake it
concentration never hard to break it
situation never what you want it to be

ive just been feeling like a lazy bean. this video reminds me of how awesome sum 41s all killer no filler album is and it does live up to its title. maybe the holiday will spark a great great post. happy gobble gobble everyone.

special mention: isnt it good friday or something? cant second good friday be a major legal holiday?

Monday, November 21, 2005


thanksgiving. once my favorite holiday. a day that revolves around a huge meal, how could it not. but now the thought of a meal with my entire family gives me the heebie jeebies. makes me lose my appetite. im really looking forward to thanksgiving this year. im celebrating it the best way possible: benihana with joinaclub and ich. good food and good sibs. gives me a chance to reflect on what im thankful for. ok fine, im lying. thanksgiving this year is a much needed break from the everyday 9-5 life. seriously, this morning, a monday morning, i actually wasnt entirely pissed to get out of bed. why? because i have a 2 1/2 day work week. best week!

thanksgiving only means the holidays are tomorrow. let the winter poundage begin. im glad im starting mine with a nice hibachi meal. this holiday season is different from the rest. right now id be making my wish list while making another list of gifts i want to buy for fam and friends. this year ill be thinking about my vacation to cali with the brosefs! yes bitches, the cass is finally going on a much needed vacay. for real. renting a car, stocking up on cheeb, its gonna be a cheech and chong oc vacay! i have to watch my poundage now so i can mu-mu-mu-muunch when i get to the west side.

as for the near future, like this weekend, im excited. im not rented out yet. im getting really psyched to see the movie. i think the bust out at jamies really got me going. i wanna see rent, i wanna do karaoke, hmmm, karaoke with rent songs. this weekends possibilities are endless.

special mention: burning sensation just confirmed!
sorry jamie. its late and i cant think of a witty special mention.

Sunday, November 20, 2005

weekend update - busy doing nothing

rent. yes its still on my mind. after watching the play, having a "live in the moment" themed session with jill r, and listening to the rent soundtrack non stop in my room and car, i decided to have a "no day but today" attitude towards my jam packed weekend. carpe diem. seize the day. i vowed to actually go to all the things i had planned. to not ditch last minute. with the help of my friends and joinaclub too, i did everything that was on my weekend list. went everywhere i was supposed to go. since i had so many travels, im a major ti li. with exhaustion creeping up behind me, here are the highlights of my busy weekend... doing nothing.

  • bought kickass boots for only $60!
  • shs '98 mock reunion at the stanton social. old friends, new record: stayed at a nyc bar for over 2 two hours consecutively and it wasnt anyones bday.

  • saw harry potter with joinaclub. i didnt fall asleep and actually enjoyed the movie. that cedric is a cutie. cho is gonna be such a skank in the next movie.
  • rent bust out, wings, beer, skanky boots. just another pregame sess at jamies. uuuuuunnnnnnnbreak my heart... brrrrrrriiiing back those nights when i held you beside me.
  • got to dustins bday aka shs '98 mock reunion pt 2, nearly vomited, said hello/goodbye to dustin, went back to jamies - all under an hour. cab ride to the bar: $2. walk back to jamies: $0. remembering why you hated high school: painful but priceless.

  • road trip! destination: red bank. nice easy drive to south jersey. line for jay and silent bob do degrassi dvd signing was not so easy... to look at or stand in. after an hour, we bid adeiu to red bank and our chance to meet jake epstein. as roger would say, "another daaaaayyyyyyy."

tonights special mention quote comes from someone who i guess needs a special mention or a special intro because hes a special person ("dawn, special people equals retarded"). actually, the special quote says it all:

"special" jay and jamie
jamie: do you know cassie has a blog? she writes about her life.
jay: oh really, i bet it says, "i went out tonight. it sucked. jay came out with us. he sucks."
cassie: oh, have you read my blog before?

Wednesday, November 16, 2005


my posts havent been quality lately. so until i get inspired to write a quality post (the latest being faith in fate), im just gonna post some daily special mentions so i dont leave my readers with absolutely nothing. i dont know when ill get inspired next. thats how inspiration works. sporadically and unexpectedly. so, i had an urge to watch my 2gether dvd and even though ive seen the movie numerous times, every time i watch it, the most random scenes will crack me up. so without further ado...

2gether special mention:
spelling bee before 2gethers first performance
moderator: the word is susurrus

contestant: can i get that in a sentence
moderator: the sentence is: "hey man, check out that susurrus."

susurrus definition.

Tuesday, November 15, 2005

for a laugh and chuckle

im a ti li. heres a video thats been floating around. its quite entertaining. perfect remedy for the "crap i have to go to work" or "crap i just lost my job" blues.

sometimes our convos amaze me

(and not in an intellectual way)

special mention mini convo:
jamie helps me look for parking on a saturday morning...
jamie: is that larry david at cinema cafe?
cassie: what?
(takes off sunglasses) omg. i think that is larry david.
jamie: yes. i can see. its 'cause i have my glasses on.
cassie: larry david at cinema cafe.

Monday, November 14, 2005

robbed myself

tonights session with jill r was pretty hardcore. we talked about stuff i already knew about myself but she gave me another view of life. another way to see how to spend my time on this earth. we didnt talk about life and death. we talked about relationships. yeah, the confusing stuff.

it all started with my story of rent. how jiller and jamie took me to see this play and it just got me filled up with silly emotions. tears of joy, happiness, appreciation, basically being very touched by this gesture, but also tears of sadness and depression because thats what watching relationships do to me. relationships make me feel sad and most of all, envious. deep down i want what those people have but i usually react to seeing couples with ridicule and harsh assumptions on their relationships - hes probably cheating on her, she looks like a whore: the usual.

after i whined about how much i really do want a companion and get rid of this lonliness thats been plaguing me, jill r said the one thing that i knew was true but didnt want to believe: im scared of intimacy. damn it. i feel like juliet but without a romeo that would climb high walls just to see me. the one thing i crave is the one thing i fear. bummer.

jill r explained that im living my life by protecting myself from what might happen to me. its part of my beating myself up mentally. instead of taking chances, i avoid them all together. i dont want to be that person anymore. she was right. even if the outcome of a relationship may not be great (it may even be bad), im robbing myself of the happy, funny, exciting, sad, scary, angry, crazy and fun moments before its end. life is just a string of moments. i dont want to rob myself anymore of any moments i can seize. like the play says, no day but today.

special mention: "are you homeless or do you have a car? aw, youre homeless."
-classic quote from jamie while frustratingly looking for parking

Sunday, November 13, 2005

rent-rific weekend

bday dinner, bday party, sleepover at the peach pit after dark, crazy apt rent story, fun bkfst at normas, rent the bway play, sushi dinner, crap ass bar, crazy ganj, jo and the city, shopping at trader joes, new ep of greys. thats my weekend in a nutshell. since its almost midnight and ive had a fun and exhausting weekend, all i want to do is hop in my bed. i dont want to disappoint my readers though so i am going to give some highlights of the weekend. what me and jamie like to call special mentions.

special mention #1 - after gayliestars bday party, i drove the aim, sha and jamie back to murray hill. first stop, the aims. as i pulled over on the east side of 2nd ave, sha and aim warned jamie(she sat shotgun in my two door car) to be careful when opening the car door. jamie said she knew what she was doing, opened the door, stood up and then... eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeek! i thought jamies body would be laying limp on the ground be 3 blocks away and my car door would be lying on the floor. luckily the slowing car curved away and everyone and my car stayed in one piece.

special mention #2 - jiller get some pepper spray. remember the survival tips jo and i gave you.

special mention #3 - RENT! no day but today. one song, glory. seriously, amazing play. now i fully understand why the girls were and still are so obsessed. the whole experience made me a big ball of emotions. most of the time i was fighting back tears. the first tears i was fighting back was out of true happiness and appreciation of the awesome friends i have that took me to see this. i will never forget how i felt when jiller and i met jamie underneath the huge rent sign. best surprise revelation feeling ever! thanks jiller and jamie. then i let the tears flow when the play itself got sad as there are sad storylines. then i got depressed because i dont have a true love like some of those characters do. then jamie and jiller got my feelings back up reminding me that im awesome, people can and do love me. rollercoaster of emotions hence jill rs meds suggestion.

special mention #4 - my brosef is awesome. best kid. thanks for the great gift. lets just say im happy mon.

special mention #5 - mazel tov jamie! call me after work today. got lots to discuss.

this weekend was based on rent. the play. jillers safety. my apt hopping from gaylies in astoria, to jillers scary building, to jamies safe (dorm-like) haven in the hill. where do i want to live? why does everything in life have such a price? what a crazy weekend. busy weekend. city weekend. rent-rific weekend.

mini special mention - time warner center. columbus circle. why i would love to live on the west side. right next to central park. great great stores. so purty. mama cass needs a sugar daddy. a west sider.

special mention quotes of the weekend
- i cant believe i saw rent! YAY for JAMIE! SPECIAL MENTION!

Friday, November 11, 2005

a birthday to kick off the fun weekend

happy birthday gayliestar!

Thursday, November 10, 2005

leading man

so i was daydreaming last night. daydreaming about being interviewed either on a talk show or by a magazine. im famous in it but its weird because in my daydream, i dont even know what im famous for. am i a slutty actress? a critically acclaimed writer? reality tv whore? i just dont know. so during the interview, i was asked who my favorite actor is. what guy makes me get out of my house and into a theatre because his new movie is out. yeah, i dont have one. and that made me kinda sad. some girls are cruisazy, some are matt girls, others are (or were since the jlo fiasco) ben girls, some are die hard brad pitt-ers. me. ive got no one. eh. there are up and coming hot actors like jake gyllenhaal, heath ledger, and even a few years ago, freddie prinze jr. none of them tickle my fancy. the older ones i mentioned before just seem that to me, older. eh. how sad is that. i dont even have a celebrity crush.

gideon was my latest diehard celeb crush but i havent seen him do the news in weeks and before that time, months. even so, my heart doesnt pitter patter when i hear his voice anymore. the crush on gideon is officially close to dead. how i can i not think hes hot. that face. its purty.

before that was alex solowitz aka mickey parke. i was so anti 2gether when the movie debuted but after i watched it (how could i not), i fell in love. hes all wrong for me too, has a lisp and a gap in his teeth but still, i yearned to be mickey ps ho. then michael "qt mcknight" cuccione died and so did the band. they had great songs though. i cant believe i went out with a klep-to-ma-ni-ac!

throughout high school i had crazy crushes. like on the border but i totally crossed the border stalker length crushes. what can i say, i love the athletes. pretty boy rich athletes to be exact. crushes made my high school days go by that much faster. just a glimpse of the hotness gave me enough adrenaline to last through the day. if he even looked my way, thats fuel for the week! i was totally that girl you see in movies who squeals after her crush says hi to her. oh, crushes were fun.

so maybe this is why im kinda bummed. i dont have a fun crush to giggle about throughout the day. i dont even have a backup celeb crush to read about in my glossies. this makes me feel kinda old. do crushes have to end when school does? i guess there are office crushes but they seem so forbidden because office relationships are so risky. hmm, the forbidden part kinda makes office crushes seem more appealing. im working in the wrong office. no crush-worthy dudes. where have all the heartthrobs gone?

sandy frink

sandy frink. from romy and micheles. my class: shs '98, has one. seriously. i heard a few rumors about him here and there as we were rapidly approaching the end of college. heard he had a private jet, bought his parents a lush home on long island, has his own personal secretary, bought his own island in the carribean. ok the carribean island part i didnt really hear but still, heard he was a big success. then, i get an email from the jiller this morning with a link to this: solid proof that mike lef is a like ceo scientific genius. hes so sandy frink. hes coming to the reunion on a 'copter. awesome.

Monday, November 07, 2005

new furniture

dear jamie,

my parents just got new furniture. its like old school korea wooden furniture. not like a wooden rocking chair but like full fledge 3 piece sofa set. except its wood. no cushions. well, theyll probably get those flat cushions you sit on because my dad suffers from asian flat ass. sitting on hard surfaces literally pains him. hes even got these cushions in his car seats. crazy.

so since they got new furniture, my mothers been going nuts (well more than usual) trying to move our current furniture around to make room for the new coming in. with all this moving going on, i cant concentrate and write a quality post.

i didnt want to leave this blank though. i know i moved a few people with the last writing so to come back the next day with nothing just didnt seem right. i know youre waiting in the morning with your whole wheat toast and cheese. give theo a high five (or paw) for me.

ill try and take pics of the new decor and post it up. my parents style is eclectic to say the least: wooden furniture, full fledge (i kick bowflex out the water) weight machine monstrosity, entertainment system equipped with karaoke... and thats just the living room. makes me second guess whether or not to have a have winter shindig at my crazy casa.

dont forget to vote. of all people and of all things to say, my father reminded me (or more like threatened me) to vote because its my right. i dont know what the crap is going on in nassau but if i was voting in nyc, id be anti-bloomberg. teachers go through enough. hes a bad bad man.

have a happy tuesday, good luck with parking, try to take a crap and a nap when you get home and remember my "fun day" begins at 10am with the jiller. whos gonna slip the details, you or jiller?


Sunday, November 06, 2005

faith in fate, jdate, friendster, myspace, hell even craigslist. why do we have to know? why are we in such a rush? do we have to have control over every little aspect in our life? have we lost the patience to let life just be? ive thought about jumping on the online dating bandwagon. i know im a kickass person. seriously i rock, but on paper i dont look so hot: mainly the part where i still live with my parents. even if i didnt have some of my "unattractiveness on paper" i still cant bring myself to search for my true love, or even a random night of booty via the internet. it used to be for superficial reasons: how can i tell people i met him through but ive thrown that reason out the window. i actually know someone who is on the verge of an engagement (it was his very first date too), and ive heard of successful jdate marriage stories. but why? why do we have to actively search? why cant we just let fate takes its course and have it bring that special someone to us?

ive never been religious. i used to call myself religiously confused. can you blame me? a little girl growing up in a korean house in the middle of jewtown, usa. even my korean house was religiously confused. when most (or all 3) of the koreans in my town were going to church, my paternal grandparents were active buddhists. my mother sent us kids to church for a few months. those months were pretty much a blur of spending my sunday afternoons sitting through sermons i didnt understand and donating a dollar into the baskets that were passed around. (no joyful, joyful or even oh happy day bust outs here). ive been to a buddhist temple with my grandparents too but again, i felt like a lost soul. ive had friday night shabbat dinners and even been to temple the next morning with my childhood friend gena u. my love for bar/bat mitzvahs is huge but not as big as my love for challah bread and latkes. mmmm, bring on the applesauce. but im not jewish. not yet anyway. hehe. jk. maybe.

im not religiously confused. not anymore. i like to think im religiously independent. i do believe in god or a higher power. no doubt. but when it comes to disciples and births, rebirths and struggles, i just dont care. why does your faith have to have a story? why cant people just believe that things will be all right? my faith is in fate. the whole "everything happens for a reason" mantra is the one i believe in. good things, bad things, funny things, sad things, all have reasons as to why they happened. the funny part about fate is the reasons never show up right away. life is a whole novel of lessons. you have to live it to understand the answers.

im not saying ill never put myself out on the internet. i have this blog, and a profile on myspace and friendster, so i guess i already have put myself "out there." will i ever take it a step further and sign up on an actual dating service? probably not. love lives are complicated and since im already a pretty complex person, you could only imagine how confusing mine could be. the aim asked me what my type was and i honestly couldnt give her a straight answer. what girl cant answer this question?! its so simple: jamie likes the boring jewish boys with a good (financial) future ahead of him, the aim likes the ex frat boy jews with a sensitive and creative side. whats my type? i could only give aim a few characteristics/qualities: tall, good teeth, sense of humor, easy on the eyes, not an annoying moron. wheres the long line of men waiting oustide my door?

every girl struggles with finding a boy but i think i struggle a little more. yeah, im kickass and i can probably join and have a slew of messages in my inbox (sounds conceited but dont get excited). i am slightly different than my friends though: im asian. dont spread that too much. when a girl is wondering "does he like me" im wondering "does he like me for me or because hes a freak with an asian fetish?" hmmm. maybe thats why theres no line of men outside my door. because i speak english fluently and give off the "i respect myself enough to not be a submissive obedient ho to any guy who looks my way" vibe. when a girl is worrying about finding some weird porn in a guys room, im worried about finding his extensive kung fu dvd collection.

maybe this is fate. its fate waiting for me to get over (or deal better with) this "every guy who likes me is wrong because he probably has an asian fetish" attitude. so im trusting fates handy sidekick time and just letting it take its course. i dont need "mr right" at this very moment but someone throw me a "mr right now". or even a "mr only for a few days". i dont care. just send me a mister. ill be waiting patiently. ive got faith. faith in fate.

Tuesday, November 01, 2005

celeb sess

so i was talking with my sis (not joinaclub, the elder sibling) yesterday and she mentioned jason mewes. ah. jay from jay and silent bob. anyway, dee (thats the sis) met jay last year in los angeles and she said how he was chill and all but he doesnt smoke the cheeb anymore. i thought to myself, good for him but if he was still a toker, i wouldve loved to smoke with him. hence the trigger to this post. what celebs would i love to have a fun session with? well, after researching and racking up who loves the greens here is my list:

10. redman & method man - ok, im like the worst pothead ever because i still havent seen how high. i will get to it though. i should put it on my netflix queue pronto. even so, i would love to head on over to si, ny and wax poetic about their wu days. they look like blunt smokers. maybe a big fat dutchie. did you ever watch redmans mtv cribs? hysterical! maybe he'll make me a grilled cheese with his iron. si, ny = classy.

9. prince harry - a royal session!!! honestly, wills might be the prettier of the two but you know prince harry pothead is the partAy animal of the windsor clan. we could share a joint and then put on those ridiculous uk hats (like the one joey got when ross and emily got married) and go to big ben and just stare. and laugh. a royally good time.

8. brad and jen - oh how i miss hollywoods golden couple. especially since both admitted to toking once in a while. i bet brad doesnt touch the greens anymore. you know angies got him whipped. but jen, she probably still tokes. and with vince vaughn. you know vince is a toker. how else can you explain his weight gain. hello! he has doubled in size since his "money" days in swingers. i bet jen an hits the bong once in a while and then just chills at her home in malibu.

7. dave chappelle - pass the doobie bitch! what?! yeah! personally, i liked him best as thurgood in half baked. hes a custodian, not a janitor. id want to smoke with him and then hop into a mitsubishi eclipse and dance ridiculously to days go by before he smacks me upside the head and yells, "pass the doob or get out the g-ddamn car!" maybe we'll pick up some funyuns. yummy.

6. harold and kumar - john cho and kal penn. john famously penned the term "milf" in american pie and i personally loved kal in malibus most wanted (best quote: your mamas so poor that your tits are real). even though kumar was the crazier one of the two, i heard john is the real party animal. yeah man. us krazy koreans know how to relieve our stress, with lots of fun drugs. supposedly, harold and kumar are heading to amsterdam. someone send me with them. i can lose about 20 lbs and play harolds pothead prostitute sister.

5. whitney and bobby - totally top 5 worthy. maybe we can fly to ENG-LAND, smoke on the way to harrods, and then sing and dance randomly while going through the expensive racks. "we're not doing this todaaaaaaaaay!" oh, busting out with whitney to her old hits would be amazing. id have to have jamie join us. no bust out is complete without jamie. even my dad knows that.

4. matthew mcconaughey - alright alright alright. oh man, to smoke with mcconaughey as wooderson would be too amazing. dressed up in the tight pink jeans. its just too much for me. my dream sess with matthew would be to toke in his silver trailer bus thing, have him grill up some burgers and then play the bongos. you just gotta keep on livin. l-i-v-i-n.

3. jack black - yeah man, the ultimate brosef. if i could smoke with jb and kg, and satisfy our munchies with a junior western bacon chee. a junior. for all you non-tenacious d fans (which is probably all 4 of my readers who are close friends of mine), this is probably gibberish. the d is just awesome. we would have a jammin' session together. greens + guitars + their musical genius = rockin' good time. i wouldnt join along in their jammin though. i havent played a string instrument since my parents forced me to join orchestra when i was a little kid. you know how korean parents are: their kids must play a string instrument for at least a year. its like the piano lessons. whipping stick wielding teacher isnt mandatory but usually comes with.

2. willie nelson - how could he not be on the list. i heard him on howard stern a few months ago, while he was promoting dukes and man oh man, did i wish i was an extra, or a pa on that set. just to stand near his trailer. the thought of being invited into willies trailer or tour bus makes my knees go weak. and you know mr nelsons got the good stuff. look at him. always chill. this would be a chillin' session. i heard he could roll a j in like 30 seconds! it takes me about 5 minutes. yes. ive timed myself. and yes i know, im a cheeba-dork.

1. snoop dogg - was there ever any doubt in your mind that the number one spot would belong to anyone else but the one and only d-o-double gizzle. id even trek to the lbc to puff puff give with mr snoop dogg. id drop it like its hot for this honored opportunity. i nearly cried when he "retired" from the cheeb but he came back. he can never stay away. snoop aint the same without a cloud of smoke surrounding him. even his songs just make you wanna light up a dutchie and bob your head along to his funtastic beats. maybe even sip some gin 'n juice.

so theres my top ten but with every list, theres always an honorable mention. honorable mention means (at least in this case) that these people either dont toke any more, havent really admitted to lovin' the maryjane, or are just fun fictional characters. and the honorables are...

jason mewes - im glad he cleaned up his act. really. i am. but if i had met him in his mallrats days, we couldve smoked x-men style. (like logan?/no, wolverine! snickty snickty snoize) couldve exchanged silly sayings like snootchie bootchies and run amock through local shopping malls. maybe the russian cousin olaf from clerks still smokes. his rhymes were tight (my love for you is like a truck berzerker. would you like some making f**k berzerker./did he just say making f**k?!)

justin timberlake - ok, so he hasnt admitted to smokin' the cheeb but we all know britster does (hello! her love for cheetos didnt come from nowhere), hes made a song with snoop (dont tell me no smokin' was goin on during recording), and how the hell else can he deal with dating the most annoying person in the world: cammie d. we'd have a rock your body session. with his washboard abs, i would love to rock his. yummy yum yum ;)

vinny chase and gang - i love love love how much they smoke on this show. shows that celebs like to unwind with some greens in their lungs, of course theyre also lounging by their ridiculous pool to their ridiculous mansion. dont even tell me you didnt want to magically jump into your tv screen when you watched the sherpa episode. was that only me? this would be a fun group session. then, id call up ari gold and have a session with him... in the sack. i love me my mean, asshole agents.