Wednesday, April 11, 2007

btj to bf... fo reals!

ha. i think even the stars saw it coming. my horoscope for today:

"Whether you realize it or not, you just passed a major milestone. Are you surprised that it was much easier than you thought? Your long-cherished goal is clearly in sight thanks to all of these recent experiences."

word. so i sent the btj an ultimatum via email - i know, kind of a pussy bitch way to do it but i knew it was the only way to get all of my points across without getting distracted and manipulated - and we had "the talk" last night. i truly believed "the talk" would end up becoming "the goodbye." i even went to the bathroom beforehand to steal some toilet paper so i can wipe my tears with it when i left his apt. well, the tp went straight into the garbage and i left with a smile on my face.

this was much easier than i thought it would be. hell, i wouldve done it sooner if i knew it wouldve been this easy. but im still a true believer in fate and fate is about timing. it was time to put my foot down and ask for what i deserve. ha. i have a bf. im someones gf. its almost kind of surreal. nothing has really changed and thats how i want it to be. i didnt ask for the title to get fancy meals and fun gifts. im not a greedy bitch. i just needed the validation, the respect, the appreciation. i know what a hot commodity i am. if the stupid bastard wasnt gonna claim me, than i was gonna go out and find someone who will.

im not gonna lie. i was a wreck when i sent the email. i absolutely hate endings, especially when its something good but i knew i couldnt be in the in between stage any longer. sure, i cried my eyes out. it was actually the first time i cried over a boy. and that moment made me realize i am normal and not emotionally detached, the way ive tried to be for so long. now i know. its better to have feelings. sure the downs really suck big hairy balls but the ups are such great highs that its worth the "down" trips. thats why i didnt go on meds. i didnt want to be neutral (aka emotionally detached) forever.

so yeah. i have a bf! i feel like such a little kid. happy and excited. i get to change my status on my online profiles. omg. im such a loser. i hope i dont become one of those girls who drops "and my boyfriend" in every convo. if i do, you have my permission to slap me. just be careful with my nose.


Blogger NYC Publicist said...

first off, thanks for the shout-out in the last post...yay! i mean, it was dealing with me and my bf breaking up, but still...and mama, i'm so proud of you for standing up and saying what you want! yay for you having a bf!!

3:28 PM  

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