Friday, August 25, 2006

how can we be lovers... if we are JUST FRIENDS

harry burns: because no man can be friends with a woman that he finds attractive. he always wants to have sex with her.
sally albright: so, you're saying that a man can be friends with a woman he finds unattractive?
harry burns: no. you pretty much want to nail 'em too.
sally albright: what if THEY don't want to have sex with YOU?
harry burns: doesn't matter because the sex thing is already out there so the friendship is ultimately doomed and that is the end of the story.
- when harry met sally

so i realized something very disturbing this week, im normal. i so do NOT want to be normal. ive prided myself in being one of the emotionally detached girls but now know that im just as neurotic and psychotic as all the other normal girls who have to deal with immature commitment phobic boys everywhere. ugh. instead of bashing myself, lets reflect back on the "relationships" ive had in the past (the quotation marks are there for a reason girlies!).

short term lover - phj (pervy hairy jew)
the appeal: the phj and i met a few years back on a new years eve. nothing really happened between us until that following summer. we both just graduated from school and had no jobs. great things to have in common, right? we had a stronger bond that held us together though - i love tv and the man had tivo. the tivo wasnt all that made him attractive (although it helped lots!). i liked hanging out with him bc he made me feel like a sexy bitch and well, what girl doesnt want to feel that way.
fave moment: make out in the bathroom stall of capitale.
the moves that confused me: so the phj was in cali on valentines day and called me. called me again the day after and the day after that. he missed me. how sweet. of course when he eventually came back to new york to pack up his things for his big move, he didnt call, text, write, whathaveyou.
why it didnt work: it could have. he actually laid the cards out on the table for me and all i had to do was pick which hand i wanted, the dating hand or the friends with benefits hand. i chose the latter. i knew he was moving to california in a few short months and i just didnt want to invest my emotions in something i knew wasnt gonna last.
why i wouldnt have stayed anyway: no job = still lives with parents. or parent. or his mom. yeah, the walk of shame is bad enough but when you have to do it past his mothers bedroom, it doesnt get much worse. i once bailed out at 5am just to avoid the madre. a ho yes, but a smart ho i am.
current status: a-ok. i consider ourselves bi-coastal buddies.
contact: about twice a year. just enough.
make out ratio: 3-4 times out of 5. like i said, he makes me feel like a sexy bitch.

smoke n screw - wheelie
the appeal: he was the hot jock of my high school years. hot and hot. did i mention he was hot. he was in my english class our junior year, was on the football team, i was a cheerleader. he was even "dating" one of my close friends our senior year. did i also mention we never spoke a word to each other. yeah man. not even a hello. so you could imagine my surprise when i got a friendster message from him. the slut that i am, i gave him my number and we hung out that night. why the name wheelie? bc thats his mode of transportation... all the time. lets just say he aint a pedestrian(due to a tragic car accident in high school) and leave it at that. so he picked me up, drove down the street, and we smoked and made out. literally. and not much more. not anything more.
fave moment: the first kiss. the moments leading up to it were as awkward as they come but damn those lips! amazing.
the moves that confused me: not too many moves coming from this fella.<---that was evil! but nothing confused me about this. i knew exactly what this was.
why it didnt work:
without many words being exchanged between us (just a lot of spit, hehe) its hard to maintain any kind of "relationship."
why i wouldnt have stayed anyway: no talk, no walk, no go.
current status: idle.
contact: 0 since june... and i aint holdin my breath either.
make out ratio: 3 out of 3. we didnt talk, what else were we gonna do?

tokin n jokin - the btj (big tall jew/jay)
the appeal: tall, jewish, jokes and tokes. if he didnt look like special ed (aka worst person ever) jay, id think he was sent from heaven just for me.
fave moment: the cab make out. what can i say, im a ho and i like it!
the moves that confused me: said he would take me to a baseball game and actually did! the madre actually knows who i am and i already met the whole fam (albeit it was only for a few minutes and a friend of his was also with us). then he says im an awesome FRIEND. man do i hate that damn f-word.
why it didnt work: unlike the hpj, this one picked the cards and they read friends with benefits. you know how i feel about this and if not, read the two posts below this one.
why i wouldnt have stayed anyway: he looks like special ed jay and well, if he doesnt want me now, he probably wont later. i may be a ho but im not a stupid ho.
current status: to be discussed. why do girls always have to play by the guys rules. no more i say! im gonna call the shots... or at least let him know what i want damnit!
contact: averages about 3 times a week but i have a sinking feeling that numbers gonna drop.
make out ratio: 3 out of 7. remember we're FRIENDS with benefits.

love is blind - the cgb (cute glasses boy)
the appeal: tall, wears glasses and is cute!
fave moment: hasnt happened yet bc we havent met each other.
the moves that confused me: same as above
why it didnt work: it just might. you never know.
why i wouldnt have stayed anyway: he isnt jewish. jk.
current status: to be determined. we've only exchanged a few short emails but will hopefully meet soon. yes, i gave him my number. and yes, im a crazy slut.
contact: 2-3 emails a week.
make out ratio: to be determined ;)

if things dont work out with the cgb then ill keep on keepin on. im not craving the security of a boyfriend. i think i just crave wanting to be someones special someone. i know im not special enough for the btj but i can still have fun with him until someone else finds me not just special, but kickass... bc i am!

special mention:
sharon: you gotta get 'em while theyre new.
about the boys on match


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