Friday, April 08, 2011

bespectacled life

i just started wearing glasses yesterday. i knew my eyes were going bad years ago but ive been a lazy ho about it and kept pushing off getting my eyes checked. i knew i really should get them checked when i renewed my license back in october. i barely passed the eye exam. the lady at the counter even said to me, "do you have your glasses?". yeah, even after that happened, it still took me almost 6 months to get my ass over to the optometrist.

i honestly thought wearing glasses would be like getting a haircut. its a change, but it doesnt make me look like a totally different person. i even used to scoff at movies like shes all that. cmon! all homegirl did was remove her glasses and get rid of her ponytail but thats supposed to make her unrecognizable?!?! and besides the spandex suit, the only difference between superman and clark kent was the glasses. i thought that was all just a bunch of crap.

i like to think of myself as a chameleon. being completely real, im probably a solid 7.5. no makeup, no fancy clothes aka how i go to work everyday. the base of me is 7.5. even then, i still get a few looks on my way to the subway (and the subway is behind my building, not a far walk, at all!).

when im all dolled up - makeup, sexy clothes, fab hair - i can def bring myself up a full point, possibly more (depending on how skinny i look that day). not only do i get looks, but hollers too. and when im with my man, he has his laser beam eyes ready to shoot at anyone giving me those looks and hollers.

now, i can also make my looks go the completely other way too. throw on some schlubby sweats and pull my greasy hair into a (gasp!) ponytail. oh yeah. i can definitely go down a point or 3. unless, youre my horny man who still thinks im a 7.5 or above when i look like this. ah. thats true love. anyway, but if i leave the apt all schlubby, i get no looks and its awesome. i purposely go out looking like that so i can be ignored. i bet celebs are jealous of my chameleon powers.

so this morning, i left for work as my usual 7.5 self. no makeup, plain clothes. the usual. except this time, i had my glasses on too. i really didnt think i was doing a type of science experiment until i reached the steps to my subway. hmmmm. no looks. the true test will be when i take the subway home. will i get ignored by the hot dog vendor on my walk home from the subway?

theres another thing i need to adjust to with these glasses. i have to remember the lenses are clear. im so used to wearing sunglasses, especially on the subway (yes, im one of those cool people who wear sunglasses indoors. ok fine, i also make fun of people who do this too. i call them douches, especially if their collars are popped.), that i literally have to stop myself from either staring at an adorable kid or rolling my eyes at a douche who probably has a popped collar and is wearing sunglasses.


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