Sunday, November 27, 2005

weirdos, psychos and assholes

"every girl likes attention from a boy. even if he is the worst person ever."

after my parents questioned my sexuality (no, i am not a lesbian, not that theres anything wrong with that), i realized most of the gabbing that happened this weekend revolved around relationships. boyfriends, dating, status, no status, boys, boys, boys. after complaining about guys for hours, jamie and i categorized these bastards into 3 groups. i guarantee any guy you name can be placed in at least one of these groups. i say at least one because there are those special guys who are a combo. yes, ive read hes just not that into you but if everyone followed that book, then every girl would be single and alone. i still think the book is great because it really simplifies the dating life for girls. if he doesnt call you, hes just not that into you. wonderful. but the world, ok the city (nyc), is full of weirdos, psychos and assholes and let me tell you, these bastards aint gonna call you back... or ask you for plans. or you might get the opposite and receive numerous calls from him begging you to stay (hiller).

weirdos - seriously, the best type out of the three. if you had to choose, pick a weirdo. yes, they are strange and most likely perverted but weirdos also tend to be nice and actually care (and not just aware of) girls feelings. they make you feel all mushy and lovey when you two are together. there are always quirks but hey, nobodys perfect. certain quirks might be that they are socially inadequate or just damn freaky deeky in private and lets face it, some girls like the freaky deeky. dont expect a call back after the freaky deeky session though. thats just how weirdos work. they live on their own schedule (which is usually led by the penis).

psychos - when they like what they got, they wont let go. ever. even after you tell them you dont want to be with them. dont see your future with him in it. psychos are scary because they are usually smart. they have a great way with words and can be very manipulative. psychos created abusive relationships. if you wanna be abused or just want every opportunity you can possibly get be thrown away in the trash, get yourself a psycho. just stock up on gauze and neosporin for the wounds... and a therapist when you want out because you will definitely need one.

assholes - most guys fall under this category. there are so many assholes out there that this group even has sub groups. theres the typical asshole that will flirt with you, take you out on a date (and usually sleep with you), and then vanish into thin air. then theres the "nice" asshole. the guy who calls you everyday after your first date, asks how your day was, even asks what your plans are and then when you wait for the "hey, wanna do dinner?" or even a "hey, wanna get a drink?" he says goodbye. the pompous asshole is my personal fave because these are the ones you can laugh at. the guy you used to hook up with that now flirts with every other girl in sight but you. you can laugh at him because you know how big (or should i say small) his penis is and those poor other girls dont. these guys are usually the ones who would yank your hair in second grade to show his affections towards you.

ok, i just bashed men but hey, women arent perfect either. although most men can be categorized as assholes, most girls can probably be categorized as psycho. i think everyone knows fatal attraction or (for the young ones) swimfan. its a strange world out there. you just gotta pick which kind of strange you want to be with: a weirdo, psycho, or asshole.

special mention:
jamie and i having a late night bedside convo
cassie: at least your family doesnt think your a lesbian.
jamie notices that we're two girls in the same bed
jamie: they might now.


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