Friday, August 31, 2007

shabbat to shiva

this past week has been one lesson in judaism after another. i got to experience some traditions and meet more fam members of the lb. dee even sent me a text message yesterday saying, "wow you really surround yourself with (the family)." i guess i do. the more i meet another relative, the more i learn about my man and the more i love him and where he comes from. even in somber circumstances, the mood was never dark. who knew i would enjoy meeting other families.

last friday, my man and i went over to his maternal grandparents house for shabbat dinner. of course i didnt realize it would be "religious" until we walked through the door and i saw 3 yarmulkes lined up on the dinner table (the lbs bro and his gf were also at dinner). duh! its friday night. of course its shabbat. his grandparents are adorable and super sweet. plus dinner was super yummy: brisket and chicken. its nice to see grandparents can still be active and not fragile. all i can say is i genuinely had a great time hanging with the g'rents. the convos were entertaining and informative (we talked about the yiddish language and its origin) and the food was delicious. all in all, it was a great night.

saturday was spent chillin with the lb in his rents pool. we had the place to ourselves for the day and took full advantage of the privacy. good times. good times. sunday was an interesting day bc while i was working at my parents store, the lb spent the day with the faj. yes. the faj. the faj, brian and he went out to the driving range to hit some golf balls. the faj taught him how to swing and ultimately created a new golf fan. i caught the lb practicing his swing when we got back to his apt that night. so adorable!

tuesday morning i receive a call from the lb. his sad voice told me that his uncle (his fathers sisters husband) passed away that morning. uncle charlie had been sick for the past few years with a type of dementia the doctors couldnt diagnose. knowing that he was the lbs fave uncle, i wanted to support him as much as possible. he asked if i could accompany him to the funeral so i said yes. then i spoke with jiller and jamie to get some advice. i knew i would pay my respects by going to sit shiva later that week but i wanted to know what happens after the funeral. is there a special thing just for family, etc... i want to support my man but i didnt want to intrude on family stuff.

well after speaking with jiller and jamie, i decided to just go to the funeral. the burial and post burial shiva is for family. besides, i barely know his extended family. this would be strange. so when i met up with my man that night, he assumed i would accompany him to everything. his family is dying to meet me. well, one of them actually did. (ba dum bump! ill be here 'til 11 folks.) so i thought, why not. if anything, this will be a memorable way to meet the fam. instead of boring you with details, ill just give highlights and thoughts.

a. i thought my grandfajs funeral was big but this one had way more in attendance. true, my grandfaj died at age 96, long after many of his friends went towards the white light, and uncle charlie passed away at just 61. i realized that yes, the lb has a large family but he also grew up in a small town. well a small towny town where your hs substitute teacher is also your aunts best friend. and no this isnt some random example i thought of, this is true. i met her. lovely lady. needless to say, my man grew up in a loving and caring environment. his community is his family and everyone is there for each other.

b. a pebble, a rock, even some quarters. uncle charlie was buried at the family plot so not only did the family lay the beloved man to rest but they also got to visit their other loved ones. to show that you stopped by, you place a pebble or rock on the tombstone. actually, i also learned that you should place the rocks on the edge of the tombstone bc the granite can ruin the surface. i noticed one with quarters on it. the lbs father said the quarters are there so that the ones who visit can pay for the tolls they go through to come there. ah. jersey jewish humor. gotta love it.

c. people person. yeah i still dont believe i am one but maybe just maybe, i am becoming one. normally, a function like this would give me the heebie jeebies but i surprisingly wasnt uncomfotable at all. maybe its the love goggles or maybe im becoming a stronger better person bc of my man. when i fed him to the wolves aka my fam last sunday, he held his own and managed to squeeze out some info for himself. he asked le join if i seemed different these days and she replied that i speak up a lot more. i say whats on my mind and dont cower and back down like i used to. he liked taking some of that credit (and he deserves it). his alpha dog pep talks give me strength at times that i need it. i guess i wasnt as nervous as i thought i would be yesterday bc i know that my man loves me. all i had to do was show the awesome woman that he loves to his fam. i think i did bc i felt welcomed and thats just awesome.

although ive immersed myself in my mans fam, and quite enjoyed it too, i also had a time to step back and look at how ive been spending my life these days. i need to inject more of my "family" aka my friends in my days. i dont want to become the girl who disappears bc she has a bf and i know ive been slipping into that direction. i never thought i would. jiller made the balancing act look so damn easy. i know it takes effort and im a lazy bitch. (un)fortunately my bf is a lazy bitch too. can you see how and why ive been slipping. but im gonna get some traction. i need to be me and a big part of me is my friends. i love my bitches.


Blogger I'm Not A Publicist said...

his family is dying to meet me. well, one of them actually did. (ba dum bump! ill be here 'til 11 folks.)....BRILLIANT!

3:12 PM  
Blogger RichChun said...

hey sis, hope all is well

just wanted to let you know i started privately blogging and damn, i now know why you do it! haha, take care.

love your brother.

10:19 AM  

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