Wednesday, September 28, 2005


if you didnt phone me
i see my sky turning black
i wish my mom would loan me
a couple of prozac

yeah. so after a little over a year of therapy, jill r brought up the inevitable - meds. im still thinking about it. i dont have a prescription in hand or anything. i didnt even go for a consultation yet. i guess you can say im scared. and when i get scared of something, i ask around for opinions because lord knows i cant make decisions on my own which is one of the many reasons why i have my feel good monday sessions. so i asked a small panel of close people: joinaclub, the jiller (not to be confused with jill r) and soon to be dr jordan k. here are their answers:

joinaclub: if people can go through the holocaust without meds, you can deal with your life too.

the jiller: youll become a zombie. never be the same.

med student in guam jordan k: they can be ok but take 'em with therapy sessions. therapy is the best solution.

jill r only suggested the meds because the smallest things make me go all depressed like. quasi suicidal. ok, so suicidal thoughts have run through my mind but the cheap ass cvs sleeping pills are in the trash and no, i wont be in my car running with the garage doors shut to the max any time soon. or any time at all. i wouldnt throw away a whole year of sessions with jill r and not to mention years and years of amazing relationships i have with my super extraordinary friends because i cant deal with the fact that i wont be going away for my bday. (i told you. small things make me crazy, hence jill rs suggestion of meds). the one thing that always stops me is my brosef. i love that kid to pieces and to picture him dealing with my possible death sends me to more tears than youll ever know.

but i think the thing thats stopping me most from even going to the consultation is what the jiller said. i will never be the same again. change scares me the most. i even get nervous when i get a damn haircut. thats how ridonculous i am. i was a complete wreck before i got my nj and eyelid creasing even though i was unhappy with my looks and was changing them for the better. i love the high highs i get outta life and even though my lows can go to the deepest of lows, im scared the meds will keep me at a medium. no lows but also no highs. im just gonna have to discuss more with jill r before i make any decisions. you know me, heavy discussions before any kind of decision making. to prozac or not to prozac, that is the question!


Post a Comment

<< Home