love goggles

the past two weeks, ive been playing the role of mediator between dee and bri. i know from personal experiences that dee isnt the easiest person to deal with but i also know that bri can do things to make life easier (ive become a pro at the dee landmine game). its been strange though, bc ive seen a few relationships around me go through some rocky times while im in happy happy couple-land. then dee told me that the faj said i totally have love goggles on. anything and everything the lb does looks fantastic from my eyes... bc of the love goggles.

i thought that was so silly until the past two days. my man has been illin in a kinda embarassing way, and well, it didnt phase me. not one bit. the lb said i am one cool ass chica for dealing with him. ah. i guess it is love. its the love goggles. but you know what, i really dont care. ive realized that im embracing all the teasing from my friends and family bc i finally got what ive always wanted and thats to be in love. of course, im doing love my way. without the nauseating baby talk and googly googly eyes.

remember my faith in fate? well fate f-in rocks! the more i look back on how things happened, the more i realize that they happened for good reason. im no risk taker. please. i cant even bring myself to the 50 cent slot machines. this relationship though, giving the lb the ultimatum, was a risk yes, but not a huge one. why? bc i knew he liked me. the only risk was, did he like his independence more. im glad i trumped the independence... and i bet he is too... well he better be!

im gonna enjoy my time with the love goggles. i know this honeymoon period isnt gonna last forever. there will come a time when little things will start to annoy me about him and vice versa. i may have these goggles on but theyre not foggy. im no fool. actually, i think im on my second set of love goggles. the first set got me mad whenever someone would say something even slightly negative about my man. it felt like they were attacking me and not him. now whenever someone teases my man, i laugh along bc i see that persons pov yet i dont care that my man is the way he is, bc i love him. hehe. hence the second set of love goggles.

who knows how many more sets of goggles ill be wearing in the future. im hoping my eyes wont need 'em as times passes by. even so, im gonna enjoy my time now. as they say in hairspray: without love, life is like the seasons with no summer. without love, lifes like rock n roll with no drummer... [baby] never set me free. no no noooooo.

special mention:
brenda walsh: brandon, she is bothered to the extreme. i wouldnt be surprised if she was a hard core stoner.
talking about emily valentine, the float ep

evolution of a kj - korean jew (of course!)

me: i always say, korean by blood, jewish by heart
me: haha
dee: That's cute
dee: I just don't get how u wanna be sucha jew
me: all of my best friends are jewish
dee: If [the lb] wasn't jewish would u like him?
me: yes.
me: but the jewish thing is a nice lil bonus
me: i dont know, its like, when i came to syo, the jews welcomed me with open arms
me: i went to temple in first grade
me: had friday night shabbat dinner at gena u's house
me: and thought everyone was just so nice
dee: Intersting
me: and the bar/bat mitzvahs... they had me at shalom.

how did i, once a painfully shy and almost as painfully thin little korean girl, become such a pro-jew twinkie? the sibs and i all grew up in the same jewy town. how did i become the only one who actually knows what l'chaim means? its funny bc the brosef and i had a convo last week about our friends. literally, all of my best friends are jewish. sure i have close friends who arent, but my main hardcore girlies (and boy... whos really one of the girls, love ya ad!) are all jewsteins. and i love 'em. but the brosef rich, not so. actually the group of ex-friends that chose his hobag ex gf over him were jewish but his new clan, not so. weird.

maybe i grew up in my own jewy jew world. really. i honestly got used to having 90% of the people i meet be jewish that when i entered the "real world" aka got my first job, i was stunned and shocked to find out that hardly anyone was jewish. hmmmm, maybe thats why i yearned for a job in the entertainment biz. id be surrounded by jews again. weird. heres a mini jew chronology of me:

october 1986 - move to syosset aka jewland, usa. one of my first friends invites me over for friday night shabbat dinner and im awed and interested by the singing they do before the delicious meal. i go to temple the following saturday morning, and although i was scared that people would treat me weird bc i didnt look like everyone else, they were nice. almost had the feeling they wanted me to convert but alas, i knew my korean parents would not be up for it.

1989 - the first time i heard the word bar mitzvah. dee got her first invite in the mail. the theme was tennis and the invitation had a pop up tennis net thingy on it. i thought it was glamorous. my parents thought it was crazy. the invites probably cost more than any wedding invitation theyve ever received (and they were probably right too). seeing dee get all dressed up to go to these hours long parties and come back with a gift of her own (usually a snazzy tee shirt) i just couldnt wait til i was invited to bar/bat mitzvahs myself. seriously, the only good thing about middle school are the mitzvahs.

1991 - 1993 - my very first bat mitzvah was actually for a friend i had from gymnastics. you would think i would remember her name but im drawing a blank. anyhoo, that bat mitzvah was cool bc then when the first school friends bat mitzvah came up (it was ayelets. at least i remembered that), i was able to say, this isnt my first bat mitzvah, like all the other jews who have been to previous ones (for family im sure). most memorable:

• jillers - obv! not just bc shes my bf too. a. her theme was cool (club jill) and the place cards were even cooler (maps of the tables with an x marking your spot, obv i was at the deis). best part of her party: her mc. if i remember correctly, his name was mike and he looked like my future crush, andrew b who coincidentally lived on jillers block. not so cool part: girl didnt give a candle to ALL her friends. i think this was like one of the only mitzvahs i didnt go up for a candle. nerve! another cool part: jiller didnt give the usual t-shirt. homegirl gave away club jill (obv, pre-jiller time) boxers.



• jamies - obv! and not just bc shes one of the few readers of this here blog. her theme was one i havent seen before (jamie-opoly), her mom danced like a hot mama (pam sandwich) and one of her dancers flipped into one of the chandeliers. plus, i think that bat mitzvah i came home with the most chachkis. a key chain, a picture mug, two framed pics, and of course, the "i landed on free parking at jamies bat mitzvah" t-shirt. and the room next door was also holding a bat mitzvah for an asian girl. man was i jello and so wanted that to be me.



• robbie g - hes kinda insignificant really. i knew him since 1st grade but he was one of those kids who was in school like maybe once a month bc he was always sick or whathaveyou. this bar mitzvah is on this list though bc i won the limbo contest. my prize - a mr wendell cassette single. i know. how awesome. whatEVer. i got to show of my limber skills. if only i was that limber now. (naughty naughty thoughts). this was also the first bar mitzvah where i actually saw the silly boys i went to school with try to steal beer from behind the bar. i was so innocent. prancing around asking for shirley temples all night (and thinking i was the shit bc i was asking for shirley temples) while the boys were stealing booze.

2004 - the first time i realize that the whole world isnt jewish. i went through all of grade school and even college in my '90% of the world is jewish' mentality. when i get my first real job in the real real world (on long island, no less) only a few people were jewish and they werent as hip as the ones i grew up with. wha? preposterous! but i do let a kickass jew into my world, my therapist jill r. proof that jews rock!

2006- now - yes, my closest friends are jewish. yes, my bf is jewish. even my past two bosses (current and last) are jewish too. coincidence? yes but maybe its a sign. or maybe ive evolved. will there be an addition to this evolutionary list? like 2010 - converted. who knows. i never say never but like i said before, i believe religion is just a big story with a bunch of rules attached to it. then again, those chair rides look like such fun. maybe im a tkj - torn korean jew. who knew.

special mention:
brandon walsh - hey guys don't go away mad.
emily valentine - yeah, just go away!
euphoria ep

todays letter of the day: a

a is for appreciation. a is for american apparel! my most flavorite store ever! i seriously need to meet dov charney and let him molest me so i can get an unlimited amount of free shiz from aa. the clothes are comfy, the designs are simple (just plain solid colors), and the cuts are fun. love love love that store. thing is, i havent stepped foot into an aa in a while. my wallet wont allow it since it knows if i do walk into one, my money will be falling out and into the registers. i can be so weak.

anyhoo, i called my man last night to let him know i was on my way to his place in bk. i asked where he was bc when i called an hour earlier, he was at roccos place. he said he couldnt disclose his whereabouts. it was a surprise. hmmmm. what could it be? i know hes not the cheesy romantic type and it wasnt any special day, so i couldnt think of what the surprise could be. so i just went to the subway, put on my ipod and read my us weekly. as soon as i got out of the subway, i ran up to his apt (and thats a lot considering he lives in a walk up, damn 3 stories). i knocked on his door, and no one answered. i got a lil miffed. i ran up 3 flights! i called the lb and he was downstairs waiting for a pizza. so i ran back down the stairs to see my man (and my surprise).

he waited for me outside the restaurant and said heres your surprise, while pulling a big american apparel bag from behind him. WHA?! the man went shopping and bought ME clothes. from my FAVE FAVE FAVE store. i wanted to eat him i was so happy. my man bought me two skirts and a pair of shorts. so damn adorable. he said he was walking around exploring his new hood and saw that aa was open so he walked inside. true, he needed to get some underwear, but he didnt have to pick anything up for me. he did anyway. ah, my love. my man. oooh, another a word is popping into my head: awesome! he mentioned later that night that lately hes been talking to his buds and hearing stories from others about troubled relationships. then he realized that hes got it pretty damn good with me and well im most definitely sure that his gift from aa was a sign of appreciation for me and what weve got.

since his cable isnt getting set up til tomorrow, our nights together havent been filled with sportscenter and such. but its ok. we werent dying of boredom. we were actually content just lying in bed and talking. seriously and literally. this is why we work. bc at the root of it, we're friends. i know some people are counting down the days til we start fighting but honestly, i believe theyll be counting for a long time. we even had a convo about what bothers us about each other and besides his remote nazi ways, we couldnt think of anything. i know, you probably hate us. i would hate us. i cant believe ive become this. happy couple girl. i wouldve killed me if me from two years ago met the current me. amazing how time can change people. hey, another a word: amazing.

empathy - a sibling update

so. after i published the previous not so nice post, i had a long talk with the live-in sib. our talk was actually productive and even though weve had similar talks like those before, only for things to go to shit a few weeks later, i really think we made some progress. some big changes may happen which i dont want to disclose until if and when they actually do. and, i didnt rip le join a new asshole either. like i said, i cant be mean to someone unless theyre being mean to me and of course when we spoke, she was nice and cordial. how could i respond with my guns ablazing? so we talked, shed a few tears, talked some more, and now, i think we're on same wave. i unloaded all the things that were bothering me with some of her responses being quite bogus but in the end, i think i taught and opened her eyes to a lot. a lot about respect. respect for other people and especially respect for me.

i also felt horrible for having the previous up in cyberland after i spoke with le join but after reading it again, all the words i wrote were true. she did do all those things. it wasnt talking shit but stating some facts. i did however, feel the need to write this too. shes not a bitch. just a currently unhappy person. thats what we shed a few tears about. as mean as she can be to me at times, i still want her to be happy. shes my sister and i know shes a good person (who can unleash a nasty nasty 'tude). its just, just a strange time for me.

yeah, ive got some probs of my own (mostly financial) but as a whole, im happy scrappy hero pup. its hard to see my sister(s) be the opposite. le join is unhappy, and dees got health issues and relationship probs. is this karma biting them in the butt? its strange. ive longed for the hot awesome sister crown for so long and now that ive got it, i cant really enjoy it bc of the sitches my sibs are in. makes me feel like i shouldnt enjoy my newfound happiness or at least guilty for having it. am i too empathetic? am i too jewish putting all this guilt on myself? are koreans really asians disguised as jews? questions questions.

le join - i love you and want you to be happy. do whatever you gotta do. i got your back.
dee - hope youre health gets back on the right track and you learn to let things go and just trust. let the man live a little. hes not your prisoner.

special mention:
steve: donna, no one brings shoulder pads on a camping trip!
from my fave ep of 9-0

mean match

*a little preface to this post - i actually let this sit unpublished for a few days bc i thought it was not nice to be ranting about this person. maybe she was just having a bad day/week/whathaveyou. she cant be mean ALL the time. well, that bitch is a just that, a bitch, and well, every word you are about to read is true true tuh-rue. bitch needs to get that stick outta her ass and into her p-hole stat! ima puttin my foot down, while using the other foot to beat her ass! enjoy the post.*

im not talking about a couple. im talking about fear and respect. why do those things have to go together? (to the tune of yellow submarine) why do i live with a crazy psycho bitch. a mean psycho bitch. a mis-er-a-ble bitch. i really do live by the whole 'treat people like you would want to be treated' mantra so i try to be nice to everyone. even when theyre throwing verbal daggers at me, i still try and keep myself calm and collected. last night baffled me though.

actually had a nice dinner with the live in sib before i made my way out to the bk to see my bf. i consoled her as she was contemplating what to do with her life. she loves her job but hates the pay. plus, her one true friend decided to move back home to tennessee, this news came to her right after dee bawled her out telling her she will live and die alone with the 'tude she has. even though i was still kinda reeling over the last two nights bc her 'tude hurt my feelings, i put my qualms aside and instead aided my sib. actually left the apt not hating le join. when i got to bk, i called up le join and after what i thought was a pleasant and quick call, bitch hangs up on me. such a pet peeve of mine. why? bc its so damn disrespectful.

then, then, i come home during lunch today to find yet another dirty shirt of hers on my bed. i say another dirty shirt bc its not the first time this has happened. oh man. her reactions will get your heads spinning and steaming. first time it happened, i threw the shirt back onto her bed bc its her shirt and crazy bitch yells at me!

crazy bitch: what are you doing?!
me: putting your shirt on your bed.
crazy bitch: i dont want that on my bed. its dirty.
me: well then what the hell is it doing on my bed?
crazy bitch: youre never home anyway so who cares what goes there.

bitch. bitch. bitch. miserable bitch. bitch also crashes on my bed when shes in dirty clothes. meanwhile, her bed doesnt even have sheets on it and her comforter is crustomatic. plus, her dog sleeps with her in her bed. dog hair and bone crumbs. but yeah, my beds the nasty one thats ok to throw dirty clothes on. the bed that gets slept in maybe once a week. yeah, that makes sense. the lb says i should just throw her clothes in the garbage the next time she does it. dee agrees. i just dont have the heart to do it though. am i too nice?

dee im-ed me today and it really got me thinking:
dee: you've told her several times not to do it
dee: and still she does it and then YELLS at you when you correct it
dee: this is unacceptable in my eyes
dee: she does not fear or respect you
dee: she really doesnt with me either but definitely more with me and even rich than you
dee: hence her reaction to this entire sitch
dee: and the way she bad mouths you in front of your bf
dee: unacceptable

oh yeah, i dont think i mentioned the last thing here yet on this lovely blog aka rant-o-sphere of mine. basically, i had the lb over for some dinner and dexter a few weeks ago. i was wearing a cute skirt bc im a cute girl and le join goes something like, "if that skirt were any shorter, you could catch something." or something nasty to that effect. well, then the lb goes, "i like the way she dresses... you know, you just need to get laid." my man was just sticking up for me (its part of the bf contract) but that last line (although its true) really hit le join the wrong way. it was kinda nasty and yes, he did cross the line but le join started the whole schpiel and caused him to pull out the big guns.

anyway, what got me thinking was the fear and respect line. do i have to be scary to be respected? why cant i be nice and still get respect? does nice = weak? i really dont like treating people badly. i cant even watch people getting treated like shit. it hurts my heart. but is that what i have to do in order to not get stomped on by that heavy bitchy sister of mine? also, i cant be mean when someone is being nice to me, even if they really hurt my feelings the day before. am i weak? am i sensitive? am i just stoned? hehe. i wish!

actually the end of those days has begun. the lb and i finished the last of the stash. goodbye green, hello gym. sure, itll be a tough withdrawal, but at least ill look smokin' hot with tight abs and all. mama is gonna look f.i.n.e. for anguilla. hooray for beaches in december!

livin in the 'burg - easy breezy

woo hoo! my man found an apt, and just in the nick of time. spent the weekend packing, moving, and unpacking so there really was no time to mourn leaving his awesome place in his terminally hip (former) 'hood. besides, i always say this and ill say it again: everything happens for a reason. even though there were a few minor bumps on the way (a tiny electrical outage during the move in, loss of a samurai sword) and the unpacking isnt completely done, we can totally tell his apt is going to come out pretty nicely with his (who knew he had so much shit) things, and his new 'hood quite resembles his old one (same amount of hipness and convenience). the lb is now a bk man. he moved to the 'burg.

i must admit, i did have a few worries when i heard he was looking outside of manhattan, especially when he mentioned the jerz. i even flat out told him that i wouldnt be able to stay over as much (aka everyday) bc i have a life and apt of my own. thankfully, everything has fallen into place. his new apt is practically as close as his last and is actually more convenient to get to.

the 'burg'in it list of easy breeziness:

1. subway. yeah theres a subway sandwich a block away from his place but im talkin mta subway. even though my own apt is in south bumblefuck (as the lb likes to call it) i still think its fantastic bc its got subways galore. westside, eastside, i can get anywhere without having to walk more than a block. ah, traveling to my babes apt in the winter will be no problemo. his apt is just down the block (not even a whole block!) from the train. less walking = happy cassie =)

2. convenience stores. bodegas. delis. no matter what you call them there still f-in awesome. walk out his building and step to the left, theres one or take a couple of steps to the right and theres another! although im gonna try to curb my late night snack attacks, its nice to know that they can be fulfilled whenever i please. im all about instant gratification.

3. hungry hungry hippos. mexican restaurant right below. bagel place a few doors down. i can probably throw rocks at a handfull of eateries from his window. plus, the lb has already found a good pizza place around the corner which is so key for any new yorker.

4. "the windows are the eyes of the apt." speaking of windows, his view is fantastic. if you cant be living there, might as well have a nice view of it. yeah man, you can see the nyc skyline from his window! chillin on his bed staring at the city is pretty stellar. ah, seeing it from his fire escape (or rooftop) on the 4th will be pretty cool too. good times ahead.

5. rocco and candice. word yo. chillin with these peeps are good times. heck, even just sitting back and watching them converse with each other is entertaining. and they are just a hop, skip, and a few blocks away. yay! candice and i can go shopping while the boys can do their vidiot thing. woo hoo!

there is a minor inconvenience that im not too happy about. the girls in the 'hood. sure, his old 'hood had silly hos on every corner but they were college hos aka walking stds. the 'burg is hip and is filled with hip chicks in their twenties, hip chicks with jobs, hip chicks that will most likely be eaten by my mans hungry eyes. as long as his head (the one below the shoulders) doesnt go near 'em, ill be ok. but he even (jokingly) mentioned that his new 'hood is giving me some competition and i warned him he does NOT want my scorpion stinger to come creeping out. the thing is, i dont want my scorpion stinger to come out. i hate how i am when i get jealous. its pretty nasty. im no fool and i know you cant control a mans eyes (and head), but if he ever acts upon his urges to go astray, the ho will be taken out in one swift quick move(shes not worth taking much time and effort) and the lb will become the t.e.d.b. (tortured and eventually dead bear). oh yeah, no man should ever mess with a scorpio but no person should ever mess with a chun. im basically a double threat. beware!

ba da da da daaaaa... we're 'burg-in it!

special mention:
kelly taylor: vegetable corsages are terminally hip and thats exactly how i want you to look, you know, just in case i win spring princess.
one of the best eps of 9-0: spring dance (doin' the best that i caaaan)