Wednesday, January 03, 2007

no force, just fun

ok, thats so something a rapist would say, huh? "there was no force, we were just having fun." yeah, i may have a rapist wit but thats where the rapist connection ends. of course this is about... dun dun DUN: the btj. with the new year already here, of course there was some re-evaluating to do with all slices of my life. and who wants to think about boring issues like financial status and family nonsense when my mind can wander off to the fun stuff: sex (ok and relationships too).

i know my "relationship" with the btj is smooth sailing right now bc theres no one else on "our" boat. i know that if another bitch aboards the ship, im gonna have to use all my will power to not throw her overboard. i am a scorpio. we're jealous bitches with a nasty sting. you do NOT want to get on my bad side. my bad side is pretty bitchin. unless the other chick is just making a quick visit... for a party of 3. i really think my big fear is being left alone. alone alone alone. as long as im still in the picture, im cool with it. ok correction: as long as im a regular cast member, im cool. i can deal with a guest star, just no replacements. no valerie malones!

so back to the no force issue. ive decided i want someone who wants to be with me. not someone who just likes hanging out with me but someone who wants to be with me. want to be with me edging on the border of need to be with me. ok, maybe not that close to needing. even i can get annoyed with a cling-on. i basically dont want to force someone into feeling like hes gotta plunge into the big "R" with me. lets whisper it together: relationship. i want someone who cant wait to call me his bitch. someone who isnt scared to grab my hand while we're walking down the street. someone who isnt worried about gettings "feelings" when we're cuddling on the couch.

i think ive fulfilled the "more sex in 2006" resolution last year. now its find a man in 2007 (7 pronounced se-van if you wanna make it catchy). so am i gonna ditch the btj? yeah right. so the kid (thats what i "affectionately" nicknamed him when i refer to him to my co-workers) is so scared of commitment he cant even say "relationship" in front of me, but that doesnt mean the fun has to stop right now. i can still look around while having fun. hell, if i cant have my cake and eat it too now, when im in my 20s, probably the best (physical and aesthetic) years of my life, then when can i? i dont wanna say im "staying" with him until someone better comes along bc i honestly dont believe it. when it comes to my bf checklist, hes got all checks down the line (joker, toker, midnight stroker). i guess the only empty box on his sheet is the big one - must WANT ME! so maybe i am selfish. while i wait for mr perfect for me, im gonna hang out with mr almost perfect.

special mention:
me: doesnt mike have any normal friends.
jamie: well he keeps talking about this one friend i havent met yet. newly single.
me: ah, well i guess he should go to the others. there are a lot of us singles now.
jamie: share the wealth.
me: yeah, im not completely alone.


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