bespectacled life

i just started wearing glasses yesterday. i knew my eyes were going bad years ago but ive been a lazy ho about it and kept pushing off getting my eyes checked. i knew i really should get them checked when i renewed my license back in october. i barely passed the eye exam. the lady at the counter even said to me, "do you have your glasses?". yeah, even after that happened, it still took me almost 6 months to get my ass over to the optometrist.

i honestly thought wearing glasses would be like getting a haircut. its a change, but it doesnt make me look like a totally different person. i even used to scoff at movies like shes all that. cmon! all homegirl did was remove her glasses and get rid of her ponytail but thats supposed to make her unrecognizable?!?! and besides the spandex suit, the only difference between superman and clark kent was the glasses. i thought that was all just a bunch of crap.

i like to think of myself as a chameleon. being completely real, im probably a solid 7.5. no makeup, no fancy clothes aka how i go to work everyday. the base of me is 7.5. even then, i still get a few looks on my way to the subway (and the subway is behind my building, not a far walk, at all!).

when im all dolled up - makeup, sexy clothes, fab hair - i can def bring myself up a full point, possibly more (depending on how skinny i look that day). not only do i get looks, but hollers too. and when im with my man, he has his laser beam eyes ready to shoot at anyone giving me those looks and hollers.

now, i can also make my looks go the completely other way too. throw on some schlubby sweats and pull my greasy hair into a (gasp!) ponytail. oh yeah. i can definitely go down a point or 3. unless, youre my horny man who still thinks im a 7.5 or above when i look like this. ah. thats true love. anyway, but if i leave the apt all schlubby, i get no looks and its awesome. i purposely go out looking like that so i can be ignored. i bet celebs are jealous of my chameleon powers.

so this morning, i left for work as my usual 7.5 self. no makeup, plain clothes. the usual. except this time, i had my glasses on too. i really didnt think i was doing a type of science experiment until i reached the steps to my subway. hmmmm. no looks. the true test will be when i take the subway home. will i get ignored by the hot dog vendor on my walk home from the subway?

theres another thing i need to adjust to with these glasses. i have to remember the lenses are clear. im so used to wearing sunglasses, especially on the subway (yes, im one of those cool people who wear sunglasses indoors. ok fine, i also make fun of people who do this too. i call them douches, especially if their collars are popped.), that i literally have to stop myself from either staring at an adorable kid or rolling my eyes at a douche who probably has a popped collar and is wearing sunglasses.

forced feelings

you cant force someone to like you. if that were possible, i wouldve had numerous boyfriends in hs. heck. i wouldve had boyfriends since 2nd grade. but alas, you cant force someone to feel a certain way towards a person. ive learned that the hard way. when i introduced my man to my fam, i thought theyd welcome him with arms. of course, being my fam, how could i think meeting my bf would be a nice, easy time. the barrage of phone calls i received from my sisters and parents about the work i needed to do on him if i really wanted him to stay was not something i expected or was prepared for. i took the criticisms really hard. how could they not see the same man that i see with my eyes. of course after 4 years, i did start to see the "work" that needed to be done but i also knew it wasnt my mans fault but my own. i shouldve taught/reminded him that being respectful in an asian house is much different than the house and environment he grew up in. now the issue is him remembering to follow the "respect rules" of an asian household which is hard for him to do bc if he doesnt believe in something, its hard for him to follow. i know hes putting as much effort as possible bc he loves me and wants to see me happy but i still feel like im playing the mine field game when we go to family gatherings. except its harder bc its not me whos walking on the field, but my man. you cant control what a person says and does. especially my man. he walks to his own drumbeat and he really likes his drums.
now, the tables have a turned a bit. actually, it started last year - my 3rd trip down to anguilla with my mans fam. it was also the 2nd year in a row my mans bro was single. the words that spilled out of my mans bros mouth stung me. he told my man, "youre so boring now. cassie has changed you, for the WORSE." ive somehow singlehandedly changed my man from a beer guzzling fun guy to a boring homebody. the WORSE possible thing ever! after that trip, i told my man, i will not be joining his family next year for their annual holiday anguilla trip unless his bro has a gf. i figured if he came with a lady, they can go out together and then my man and i can continue to be the WORSE thing ever: BORING.
well his bro did find a lady to bring to the trip, so my man and i decided to come back down and join the fam. i thought great, this year will be like my first trip down here. the bro had a gf and they went out every night without even asking if we'd like to join them. they had their fun couple nights out while my man and i had our BORING couples nights in.
so we are down here and the bro wanted us to go out. honestly, i thought i was doing everyone a favor when i told my man to go out with his bro and his lady while i went back to the villa with his parents after the nightly family dinner. i knew i would be a debbie downer and my man wouldnt be as fun as he can be bc he'd be "babysitting" me the entire time. why would i be a debbie downer? well, i dont drink alcohol and i hate talking to people. what do people do when they go to bars? drink alcohol and talk to random people. yeah, not my idea of a good time and trust me, that wouldve been written all over my face bc this girl does not have what they call, a poker face. my emotions arent on my damn sleeve, theyre on my tan, freckled face.
i thought last night was great. i got to answer a bunch of emails, surf fb, and read my fun book while watching golden girls without any "havent you seen this episode already"'s from my bf. my bf came back last night and said he had a blast. mission accomplished! or so i thought. apparently, this is not good enough. i am not a good compromiser. compromising is doing something you absolutely have no interest in doing to make, not your man, but your mans bro happy?
ugh, i guess this is karma biting me in the ass. ive told my man so many times that he cant just be good to me but my fam too. crap, now i have to do the same thing even if it means getting alcohol poisoning and feeling my heart beat hard and rapidly out of my chest while my breaths get shorter and shorter as my face gets redder and redder and hotter and hotter. yes! im so looking forward to tonight and every single night we have left of this vacation.
there really is something wrong with me. im in paradise and im complaining. am i ungrateful.com or just homesick.com or selfish.com? i dont know. wish i did so i can buck up and be happy already. well, at least i have freckles on my face :)

tick tock wedding/baby clock - the timeline has been made and given

so we all know the creme de la creme of this blog has been the journey ive had with my man while he was still referred to as the btj. once he became the bf, it was all downhill. why? bc i became happy. lets face it. who wants to read about happy times? we're all suckers for other peoples misery. yeah, we're all going to hell, except most of us are jewish (theres no hell in judaism) so ok, we can continue on enjoying other people's misery.
anyway, i am in no way miserable - would i still be with my man after 4+ unofficial/3+ official years? - but i certainly have a new issue to complain about. after 4 or 3 years together which includes living in 4 different apts (one in bk!), of course you know what the "issue" is - wheres the rock? you know me, ive always prided myself in NOT being a normal girl, if i was, i wouldve been bugging my man for a ring 2 years ago (which wouldve immediately been followed by him saying "peace out" and me writing on this blog daily about why guys are immature assholes). but since i waited 8 months to get the "girlfriend" title, i also knew that asking for the bigger title of "fiance" which eventually becomes "wife" would take a bit longer. its cool, im patient... and also smart. i know my man and pressure will only lead to explosion. i knew i had to approach this topic lightly. very very very lightly.
honestly, the ring didnt become an issue for me until recently. these past few years ive been with my man, we've been to quite a number of weddings. not one of these events made me think, "these bitches are getting married, why arent we?" bc all the couples whos weddings we've gone to have been together longer than my man and i have. man, have we been to weddings. just out of curiosity, here is the fun list of friends weddings and what theyre up to now:

• nick and georgia - has a baby on the way
  
• cheryl and marc - just had a baby boy
  
• jordana and scott - living in florida with their twin baby girls
  
• cheryl and jimmy - chilling in their cute house on li
  
• jamie and mike (best wedding ever!) - baby boy on the way!
  
• lauren and mike (a-team wedding aka my mans fam friend) - also pregs
  
• diane and brian - created the gor-geous lady z
  
• carrie and carlos (a-team wedding aka my mans fam friend) - have a baby girl
  
• lauren and shaun (a-team wedding aka my mans fam friend) - shes prob enjoying their joint bank account. i kid... maybe
  
• rachel and jon (a team wedding aka my mans fam friend) - prob waiting 'til lauren and mike (the girls are sisters) give birth to their little one to start on their own brood
  
• jennie and ray - didnt go to their wedding :( but they got twin boys on the way!
  
• melfur and rich - she wants a bun in her oven, like yesterday
  
• jiller and tom - patiently waiting for their fun wedding video... we all are :)
• gayle and chris - the wedding is in november!

crappers thats a LOT of weddings but no, not a one of these gave me the "i need a ring NOW!" heebie jeebies, tingles, devil eyes, etc... what finally made me realize, i gotta get moving on this ring train was a combo of things.
for one, seeing couples who have been together less than my man and i have getting engaged - like jiller and jamers college friend leah who got a rock less than a year of dating her now fiance - definitely got my eyebrows raised and the wheels upstairs to start turning. im no cold-hearted biatch. when a friend of mine gets engaged, i am genuinely happy for her. especially if shes in a good solid relationship. however, if the guys a scumbug, i smile and aw at the ring, and then i go home and talk shit about it to my man. duh.com
second thing is the time i spend with my gor-geous niece zoe. aaaaah, zazzie makes me want a gor-geous baby of my own. i say this as i take my birth control pill religiously! duh i dont want one right now. how can we raise a baby when my man and i live in a studio apt and are still on a wallet diet? but i wanna know that it is in the future, the near future.
oh yeah, the other ingredient in this "get me a ring" combo is my upcoming birthday. this year, i turn officially old. when the biological starts ticking, real real loud. when i ask my gyno at every appt i have with her if my box is still capable of producing and carrying a healthy beautiful bun. its funny how in your 20s you go to the gyno to make sure your box stays bun-less, and now its all, can i make 'em and how much time do i have a left?
yeah i always get the "youre next" comments whenever someone gets a ring. and usually that crap doesnt bother me. but after i had a weekend full of "youre next"'s and "what the hell is taking your man so long"'s followed by a fateful email from cosmo (shut up! i dont take their articles seriously. i read them as entertainment, not advice. i swear!), a lightbulb went on in my head and a timeline spewed out of my mouth. crazy.com.com
so the email from cosmo was titled "when to give him the ultimatum" and obv, i opened the email. i first thought the article was gonna be about the girlfriend title ultimatum but then i realized, most relationships dont start like my man and i's aka an ultimatum. the ultimatum the article was talking about was the ultimatum, the ring ultimatum. oy. even someone up there was like, "um get a move on you fatass." and then i heard g-star's voice saying "you gotta give them a nudge bc men are morons. just do the math backwards and then tell him what you want." hers was the most reasonable voice to listen to. good solid advice from my old "smoke smoke and die" buddy.
so i started doing math. i knew fo sho that i wanted my favorite child to be our second and be born in the year of the monkey bc thats exactly what i am: the second child, born year of the monkey, and the favorite (well at least im the faj's fave, i know majs heart only belongs to the brosef). so the year of the monkey is 2016. i also know i want the kids to be at least 2 years apart, so the first bun has got to be baking (hehe, baking and baking. exactly and probably) in 2014 the latest but ideally 2013. so the wedding would have to be in 2012 which leads to the ring in 2011 - we all know it takes about a year to plan a wedding.
thats exactly what i told my man. "if you like then you shoulda put a ring on it." ha! like i would ever approach this topic by singing beyonce. and no, that song will NOT be on our "must play" list. will most likely end up on the "do not play or the bride will walk off the dance floor" list. and yes, i have started that list already. im a woman. of course i have.
i gave my man the timeline and his reaction was not as explosive as i thought it would be. it was actually pretty calm and he actually said, thats a reasonable timeline. however he did also say, the thought of marriage still scares him which sent me in an emotional downward spiral and out the door to take a walk in central park to clear my thoughts. oy, ive only been that upset 1 other time before that but we wont get into that. ill just say if i ever see that gummy skinny slut again she is deader than dead.
so thats where we're at right now. still gf/bf but the timeline is now made and said. whenever people asked me when "our time" will be, i always answered with, "hes still in school so probably when hes done." and the timeline still follows that answer. my man will be done with school in 2011 and with his computer science degree, hes gonna be superstar! i totally believe in my man. i believe in him so much that i wanna work in the hr dept at his successful future job bc women love success and well, i aint gonna let no ho take my man. i have no prob cuttin a bitch. oy, i am turning more and more jersey everyday.

american idol - top 8 ladies of 2010

i literally havent written here since last year. what prompted me to blog again was idol. yes, im watching it again. well at least on tuesday nights when babe - thats the bf for those not in the know and ill be referring to him by that name from now on - has class and i get the tv all to my sweet self. *to give babe some credit - and he loves getting credit - his tolerance for my "bullshit" tv has gotten much much better. the other week he sat through an entire hour of idol and even sits through about 10 mins of real housewives (of any city!) before gagging and going into a seizure. baby steps. no one can change overnight, or over 3 years. lol.* so ive watched the girls perform on 2 separate nights yet i always manage to miss the boys. and honestly, i have no interest in watching the guys this year bc a. simon called it the year of the ladies and b. the korean dude already got kicked off. yes i think koreans are krazy but a small part of me is bursting with kp (korean pride... i know! who knew i even had any) and always buzzes when i see a semi-famous k-dog on tv. especially when its a korean dude pitching against the yankees. emotional conflict much? thank goodness the yanks signed chan ho park. hopefully he doesnt suck bc yankee fans tell it like it is. even if youre a yankee, if you suck, the fans will let you know it.
anyway, im going off on an unrelated tangent. this is about idol! so while i was watching this surprisingly short (only 1 hour?!) ep of the ladies performances - i knew something was up when they went straight into the performances and cut out the weekly montages with facts about each contestant that we could care less about - i decided to text myself some really short notes about each performance in case i wanted to blog about it. here are my notes (i wanted to include pics but i forgot my photobucket password):

contestant: katie
song: breakaway by kelly clarkson
notes: eh
texted a vote? NO

contestant: siobhan
song: house of the rising sun by the animals
notes: vote is in!
texted a vote? YES

contestant: lacey
song: the story by brandi carlisle
notes: cute song.
texted a vote? NO

contestant: katelyn
song: i feel the earth move by carole king
notes: proactiv commercial. word.
texted a vote? NO

contestant: didi
song: rhiannon by fleetwood mac
notes: redhead (not sure why i wrote that bc shes blonde. i guess she looked evil like a redhead.)
texted a vote? NO

contestant: paige
song: smile by nat king cole
notes: forgettable. next.
texted a vote? NO

contestant: crystal
song: give me one reason by tracey chapman
notes: awesome. vote is in!
texted a vote? YES

contestant: lilly
song: i fall to pieces by patsy kline
notes: strange but i like her.
texted a vote? YES

i voted for 3 out of the 8 ladies and of course my 3 were the odd balls. they were definitely the strange goth, drama geek, or just plain po' kids in hs.
hey, if the cheesy blondes had good voices, i wouldve voted for them too, maybe. didi. ah, sweet skinny bitch didi. she has a sweet voice but i just cant see the ability to BUST OUT coming from her. katelyn. oh sweet cheesy katelyn. i dont think she'll go very far on ai but shes got proactiv commercial written all over her face - well her forehead and neck. dont matter how much makeup you got on girly, i can see right through the cakeness. besides, im sure proactiv pays well. why the crap would p diddy even get on the proactiv train. you know hes all about the benjamins baby.
i really liked the song lacey sang but every time i hear her sing i think im watching an ep of greys anatomy. oh and shes the redhead, albeit its fake red hair. dont matter. red hair = cannot be trusted. redhead females = evil conniving whorebags.
katie, the diana degarmo of this season, has been pretty disappointing. oy paige, i lied when i said her perf was forgettable. i remember it, and not with good thoughts. again, disappointing.
will i be watching the guys tonight? not sure. most likely not. will i blog about idol again this year? id like to. maybe when the top 12 is chosen. do they still do wild cards? bring john park back. and tell him to not pick a jason mraz song next time.

inspired by karo

i was actually just gonna put the special mention at the end of my last post but then i read this weeks ruminations by douche dujour aaron karo and i found myself totally agreeing with him so i figured, lets write about it.

karos quite true rumination:
And, finally, as my parents’ 35th wedding anniversary approaches next week, I can’t help but marvel at what an incredible milestone it is. Especially since I’ve barely ever even dated a girl for 35 weeks. I don’t know what the secret to my parents’ success is, but it can’t hurt that they watch television every night in separate rooms. In fact, I think that’s one of their more brilliant moves – two DVRs equals true domestic bliss.

after reading this, i realized my relationship with my man can be perfect! the only major bump my man and i have is our tv viewing. we actually got into a fight about it over the weekend. here are the deets for you schadenfreudians.

saturday was a lazy day followed by g-stars bday party at her apt in forrest hills. getting there wasnt too bad. just 5 stops into queens on the e train. the walk from the train was nice too. i like doing simple things like walking with my man. plus, the party was fun. good food. good friends. good times. we were one of the first to arrive so of course we were the first to leave.

oy, i bet we werent the first ones to get home. yeah, 2 hours later, my man and i finally got our keisters on our couch. e train took forever to come then ran local and we had to transfer to the 1 at penn station but not without helping angry li-ers and reassuring them theyll make their train.

so, after our long travels, we sat and watched some tv. i actually had the remote :) my man was dillydallying on the computer. so i turned on talk soup and a clip of the carrie prejean interview with larry king came on. i wanted my man to watch this craziness especially since i talked about it with him earlier in the week. i said, now you dont have to youtube it, its on right now. but he started having his "i cant handle this" seizures so i changed the channel and chucked the remote at him. he started apologizing and i began my rant on how i cant take it anymore. while i was talking, my man put on tosh.0 (one of our new fave shows) and actually, hit rewind and played the segment over, while i was talking!

he thinks he can just say sorry and start watching tosh.0!?!?! so i abruptly walked away and got ready for bed. as soon as i hit the hay my man did what all women put down as advice for the bride to be at every bridal shower - he didnt let me to go bed angry. if he wanted to talk it out then talk i will. and i did. i vented out all my feelings about our tv viewing. although it did get better theres still a LOT of work there. i let him know that its been harder then i let on. tv viewing is such a huge part of my identity and i feel like ive lost most of it bc i really only watch about 20% (and thats a HIGH number - its probably a lot less) of the shows i would wanna watch. i compared it to him only being able to watch yankee home games (regular season). no cartoons, no other sports, no wrassling, no ridiculously bad action flicks. then i felt a lot better bc i got that off my chest and i know my man heard every word of it.

the fight actually made me feel great about me, my man, and our relationship. i looked back on that entire night and i practically fell in love with my man again. it was actually me bitching, not him, when it took us 2 hours to get home. and yeah, our fight got resolved bc my man took initiative. you know me, i probably wouldve held it in and then let it burst at the most random time which wouldve caused another fight. ugh, i can be such a chun sometimes.

special mention:
after spending an entire day holding gorgeous baby z
me: babe, can you massage my arm?
my man: is it gonna get me laid?

lifes big three

*yes i know its been a ridiculously long hiatus. i have excuses that are actual facts to explain this hiatus but true or not, an excuse is an excuse. like my insightful bf says, "excuses are like assholes, everyone has one." i like my quote better, "success is like farts, only your own smell good." why are we awesome at potty humor? anyway, enjoy the recap of my life so far. what youve missed, why ive cried, the good stuff (or bad stuff since people generally enjoy reading about tragedies instead of joyous occasions - every human has schadenfreude).*

ive been ridiculously emotional lately. seriously. i cried (and literally couldnt stop) at a very happy gathering recently. and i genuinely was ecstatic for this person. no jealous feelings - not even a twinge - at all. i really think la herba may be the cause to my waterworks. like last night, i got home from work, took a binger and then watched that stupid khloe kardashian wedding to lamar odom. you know, the couple who got married a whole month after meeting each other. anyway, a normal ep of this show usually makes me gag at its stupidity (yet i still watch them like a horrible train wreck) but i figured ill get this off the dvr before my man gets home from class. yikes, i cried. like more than once. thats when i knew this crying thing was serious.

so i started to think about my life and where i am right now. why the crap am i crying at random moments so much? maybe im crying bc for the first time in a LONG time, i dont have any major complaints about my life. maybe my hormones are confused bc im a chun, i ALWAYS have something to complain about. this year, ive learned to not stress about petty little things and somehow the big things in life fell into place.

i finally obtained the BIG THREE. you know, the main 3 things you need to be a happy (and considered "successful") adult - phase 1. im sure when kids get into the picture, there will be a phase 2 with a whole new list. as for the current list i should have, phase 1, i got it on lockdown.

• job - ive had this on lockdown for years. this is the one that has luckily been steady for me. do i like my job? yes. do i want to do this forever? probably not. if i was asked this question 2 years ago, i wouldve said yes. this year though, i actually started thinking about the future. getting married, having kids. sure, leaving the office at 7pm is ok for now but i still find myself rushing home to my man. when i have a full family to come home to, i wont be kosher with leaving work that late. once the economy gets back up, ill have to start working on my career path. pave out the road to working from home. for now, im completely content with the road to my heavily decorated cube.
• home - sure, ive owned my doto pad since october 2006 but i dont consider it official until may 2009, when i began to live there full time and splitting the bills in half instead of getting a lil help from my father and having my rude, idiot, selfish, irresponsible sister f-up my credit. not only do i have home on lockdown, its with a domestic partner :) i really started to enjoy domestic life once my man and i moved in. cooking dinners when i come home from work. lazy weekends with the entire city at our fingertips. and i actually started to think about decorating. im starting to understand and want matching towels in my bathroom, nice plates and bowls, etc... one of my fave things to do is grocery shopping with my man. it always reminds me that we're grown ups and its kinda fun too.
• partner - this is the hardest to get and for some people, hardest to keep for others. ive learned you have to be a strong independent person in order to find the one to share your life with. to make it work, you need to be happy with who you are alone and just want to be with the other person, not need. no one wants to be with a needy one. my man and i are still going strong. this year was challenging but i think challenges are good. it shows how strong the relationship is and how much it can take. my man went from not working (for several months) to working and school. the complete schedule change threw us for a loop but since it was a good change, we went with the flow. ah, the move to doto definitely brought on a change. not just financially, which our wallets are smiling about, but tv time. ok, yes, my man is still a bit of a tv-nazi but i did break him in a bit. its so nice to have glee on the dvr.

even though i said i dont want to give excuses, i still want to explain my hiatus. i missed the whole summer plus half of autumn.

• june - i blame work. remember i mentioned leaving work at 7pm. yeah that was considered a half day back in june. boring work fact: our fiscal year begins july 1st. so i somehow managed to launch 30 campaigns on 7/1 all while manually entering in these expensive campaigns into our new network. basically, it was a lot of work on top of more manual labor. average time i left work: 11pm. there were a few nights i left at midnight. luckily my man wasnt working at the time so he would pick me up and take the subway home with me instead of me shelling out $20 for a cab ride. thats LOVE!
  
• july - june was launching campaigns, july was cleaning up any messes we made during our whirlwind work of trying to launch these bitches on time. oh yeah, and since 4/20, my man and i were virtually tree-free (totally free for my man, i would "cheat" if i was at jillers). i lost some weight from the lack of appetite and free time. best/worst diet. also, my man and i did a solid for my fam and dogsat gio for a week. what did we get in return? fleas. a year after we had to deal with bed bugs! bc jo decided to spend her money on cigarettes and starbucks instead of meds for her dog, we got fleas. did we get an apology from jo? no. i thought id have to use all my energy to calm my man down but when we marched to jos job (she got fired that night. thats karma bitch!), to get her atm card and give her a verbal lashing, it was actually my man calming me down. sometimes i still marvel at the fact that i can be related to such a piece of shit. like they say, you can pick your nose (i think i made an excellent choice on that, hehe), but you cant pick your family.
• august - babies and brides. miss dee had her baby shower this month. the shower that was supposed to be at my parents house with food by dees mother in law and games and decortations by me. well bernice (dees m-i-l) decided to change the venue to her friends house (this was AFTER invites were sent out) and well, after a few days of stress, all power was relinquished to her. i was also (and still am) in a cold war with jo. i heard she lost a lot of weight from being a selfish irresponsible piece of shit whos on a ridiculously unhealthy and she'll probably gain all her weight back and more frozen taquito diet. the baby shower went pretty well and i still got to wear the hot sister crown (jo aint takin that from me!). my man and i went to his fam friends (a-team member) wedding. i believe this is the last of a-team weddings for a while - the only "single" a-team kids left are my man, his bro and stacey d. august also brought a bride to be. jennie! jennies relationship with ray is the longest that any of my friends have had with any of their significant others. they were acting like a married couple way before i even met my man. so her engagement was a crazy happy surprise. plus, it was a fantastic reason to get together with the syo girls.
• september - ZOE!!! born: friday, 9/25/09 at 10:47pm. this whole month was just waiting for the most precious being i have ever met. dee would keep changing her mind about what week she wanted to give birth. the best man from her wedding and his wife gave birth in early september (and their baby was due a week AFTER baby kohn). i made her a spicy dinner 2 nights before she gave birth to help bring on miss zoe faster. and she did! water broke friday morning, the parents to be were at the hospital at 2pm. pitocin at 6pm, epidural at 8:30pm, zoe at 10:47pm. my man and i cabbed it over as soon as i got the birth text from brian. i visited zoe 3 times in less than 24 hours. zoe=love!
• october - aka birthday month. my mans dad turned 60 on the 8th. we went to minetta tavern and got those famous $26 burgers. i hated to admit it but it is damn good. jiller turned 29 with bowling. my bro turned 20 with a brunch at perilla with me, my man and his new gf. and yes, hes loving nyu. my own bday, golden bday (29 on the 29th) was great too. massage and dinner with friends. the faj went to korea to seek out what he and maj should do with the future. they are currently considering moving to korea. that brought me to tears, on my bday. i thought i was cool with my parents moving away but i said before, ive been thinking about the future and well, the thought of my kids knowing my parents as the weird grandparents that live far away literally brought me to tears. and zoe already loves her grandmaj so mucheese.
• november - yankees win the world series. woo hoo. and the moment that i mentioned in the very beginning of this novel-long post, happened this month too. JILLER got ENGAGED! we all knew it was coming but for some reason, i was still shocked... to tears. in june, jiller and tom had a housewarming party and thats when the "countdown" or "race" began. jiller mentioned she went looking for rings with tom. gayliestar and chris were also talking rings. so i thought for sure, by the end of the summer, one of both will be rock-in it. so when the summer ended and nothing happened, my mind went straight into zoe mode. when i came to dinner and drinks late, i was one of the last to find out and well, i won "best reaction of the night." i was so embarrassed when i got home that night. i mustve looked like such a jealous crybaby which is the complete opposite of how i feel.

when good things happen to jiller, you cant not be happy for her. jiller is one of the BEST people i know. everybody loves jiller. jiller is just a genuine and good person. tom is a great man who loves and treats jiller the way she deserves to be. i seriously have no bad feelings for their engagement, just excitement. i can daydream about my kids getting excited to see aunt jiller and uncle tom. hehe.

maybe the biggest change for me is the way i think. ive been thinking about the future, and even talking about it out loud. my relationship with my man isnt new anymore so i dont have to hide my daydreams about weddings and baby names from him. we actually talk about it. how gorgeous our children will be. what cities we would live in after he graduates from school. the music we want played at our own wedding (dj all the way! bands are overrated.). ive even wanted to spend more time with my family. yes. the chuns. well, im sure zoe is a big cause for that. i actually want to talk to my parents instead of just feeling obligated to. and yes, i totally want them to be a part of my childrens lives. all this stuff is phase 2 though and im still enjoying my time in phase 1.

thats probably why i cried. my friends are on their way phase 2. i kinda bugged earlier this year when the gormans decided to skip queens all together and move straight to li. they went straight into phase 2. phase 1 - city life. phase 2 - suburbs. the ring on the finger is basically the ticket for the bridge to phase 2 bc usually, people enter phase 2 with a partner (who wants to live in the 'burbs alone? yikes.). jiller got her ticket to the phase 2 bridge. i do not want that ticket right now. that ticket comes with a whole list of decisions to make (some people call that list a wedding). ive grown up a lot this year and i plan on evolving more next year so if that ticket is offered to me, ill accept it with huge grin... im praying no tears either but you know me, just the thought of it gets me misty eye.

10 reasons why kate sucks - go team jon!

i know i know. its jon and kate mania these days. and i know, the only way to get rid of the media blitz is to not pay any attention. dont buy that whorebags books and dont watch the show. but i love the show. i was a fan before all the scandals. and i watched it bc the kids are adorable. watching them grow up is so fun and fascinating. jon and kate themselves were just extras. quarreling extras but extras. they kinda reminded me of dee and bri. maybe its bc bri and jon are both mixed with 1 asian parent each (except bri still has all his hair... for now anyway, baby #1 is on the way in early oct!). and dee is an ocd neat freak and can be moody (<----- thats the nicest word i can think of) at times just like kate.

1. is it an age thing? - from the getgo, kate abused jon. maybe its bc shes 2 years older than jon but she always belittled him. im older than my bf too (by 3 1/2 months) but i see my man as at least my equal but usually as more bc hes brilliant and i respect his opinions and advice. (<----- ok no more mushy stuff... for now) kate would yell at jon for interrupting her during their interviews but she was the one who would always do that to him to correct whatever he was saying or just say demeaning things ("do you even know how to speak"). her "love slaps" to his arm or whatever was the closest body part sounded hard and were usually unnecessary.


2. eye rolls from bitchface - her eye rolls are the worst. ok fine, when anybody rolls their eyes its condescending, but she does the most dramatic eye rolls that completely say "you are such a moron" and those were on a regular basis, and usually just reserved for jon but last nights ep (the season 5 premiere) she rolled her eyes at joel! 5 year old joel!!! she was filling pinatas with candy and joel asked if a froggy was candy. she says "i dont know why dont you try it" and then rolled her eyes at him. ugh, i wanted to give her a "love slap" right then and there. a person with no patience should not have children, let alone 8!!! on a side note, a change in kate: letting her kids eat candy. she used to be strict-o-matic about sweets (and food in general - they would pack the kids lunches whenever they went on trips bc they only eat organic foods) but im guessing her more laid back attitude is probably from the guilt of not being at home as much as she used to ("one of my kids called me by their nannys name").
   


3. selfish selfish selfish - its difficult to listen to kate talk. shes one of the most selfish humans ever - and i know (and may be related to) one. she does mention that shes been hard on jon but then only claims that hes the one whos changed. i have to admit she was a decent mother in the beginning. taking care of 2 young'ns plus 6 babies is no easy feat. her ocd-ness actually came in handy bc it wouldve been complete chaos without it. fame has changed her but of course it would, shes pwt (po white trash). kate grew up in a trailer park and first plane ride was for her honeymoon to disney world. jon grew up at least middle class with luxuries like regular ski trips. usually when pwt get rich, they get greedy. kate is the perf example.


4. kate the greed-monster - jon and kate had twins. jon was content. he had 2 beautiful daughters. they used ivf to get cara and mady and you know that aint cheap. but kate, being the pwt she is just needed another baby. so jon gave in and well, you know the rest. they had 6 more. supposedly kate was obsessed with a group of septuplets born in the late '90s. obsessed with the coverage they got and their freebies (like diapers, food, etc...). did she know there was a high chance of having more than just twins? probably. crazy bitches always have plans bc their minds are always running. i know this bc i may be related to a crazy bitch or two.


5. kate loves estrangement - another example of kates greediness: remember aunt jodi? the red headed aunt of seasons 1 and 2. kates bro kevins wife. aunt jodi would watch gosselin kiddies along with like 5 of her own (ok maybe she only had like 2 or 3 but honestly, who can keep count with these ginormous pennsylvania fams). anyway, they like disappeared without explanation. heard the rumor last year and then kevin and jodi themselves confirmed it on radaronline.com. they were offered money from tlc for season 3 but contracts were halted bc of kate. kate only wanted gosselins to get paid. no one else. greedy bitch wouldnt even share the wealth with her own brother!!! obv shes estranged from her brother but rumblings say shes also estranged from her father whos a minister. when her father heard that kate was having sextuplets, he got lots of dontations for the 6 babies including cribs. when kate refused to take the cribs bc they didnt match each other, that was the last straw. even the minister was like, "you a crazy bitch."


6. clothing clueless to clotheshorse - there was an ep in one of the earlier seasons when kate admitted to a. not knowing how to dress or shop and b. not enjoying shopping and fashion. she had to have jon take her clothes shopping bc she was clueless. now the lady gets dressed up and i hear is addicted to fake tans (just like her public persona) and working out (although im sure her personal trainer has something to do with her workouts). during the shopping ep, kate said she hates wearing colors yet now you see her in bright pink sweaters. ugh. shes such a pwt cheesehead. dont get me started on the hair. that cut screams pwt just as much as a mouth full of cracked yellow teeth or a beer stained wifebeater.


7. complaints or avoidance - obv, last nights ep you could feel the tension between jon and kate. looks as though jon finally put his foot down (shouldve been up and in her ass) and said enoughs enough. he took the weekend off while kate prepared for the sextuplets bday party alone. boo hoo for kate. NOT. so jon showed up to the bday party later than the rest bc according to him, he had to pick up the cakes and kates cell phone. so he did. the scenes with the both of them at the party were painful. you can tell they were trying to avoid each other. kate did mention the cakes but of course it was a complaint ("why are there 2 cakes? we only need one.") since jon put his foot down, she probably knows better than to complain to him to his face so she says nothing to him. its like if she cant complain to him or berate him, she doesnt know how to talk to him. honestly jon, what the hell was appealing about kate? man, i need to send him jill r's number stat.


8. where is the love - im the type of person who cries whenever someone else cries on tv. extreme home makeover: forget it, im a mess. biggest loser: i always shed a tear or twenty. but when kate shed a tear (after saying shes doesnt wanna ruin her makeup) bc she knew that the fam pic they took at the party was probably the last one theyll ever take all together, my eyes were dry as a desert. sure it was sad and i wouldve felt bad for her too if she took any responsibility for the break down of her marriage but she didnt. just kept saying jon has changed. i think jon is the only normal one. he had honest intentions to do the show to get great documentaries of his kids lives and some free trips here and there knowing that the fam probably wouldnt be able to have these experiences without the show. but once the fame got to be too much, he wanted to pull the plug. lay low. let things simmer down before it got too crazy. but no, kate loves the attention, fame and money. she had to keep going. and now look, all their dirty laundry is hung out for all of us to read at the expense of her own marriage. and homegirl dont care. she just blames jon who tried to avoid this.


9. kates ch-ch-changes - she went from people shy mother of eight to book touring author. she even admitted to not liking the fans at first but now she embraces them (probably bc her dumb pwt ass realized its the fans that are paying her bills). her physical appearance is an obv change so im not even gonna go into that (plus you can pick up last weeks us weekly to see the details). from anal retentive to not really caring? maybe it was just for the kids bdays. but i was shocked to see them munching on candy after their trip to party city. kate used to not let me eat any sweets unless it was organic. still, like i mentioned before, im guessing its from guilt of not being there for the kids bc of her book tour. plus the affection she poured over the kids during their party seemed so forced. like it was just for show. you know, kinda fake like her tans.


10. divorce? duh! - so kate said that the divorce rate for parents of multiples is 3 times larger than regular fams. well i completely believe it. yes, have multiples can be stressful but look at the women who give birth to multiples: cuh-razy! need an example. how about the most digusting human on earth: octo-mom. she be batshit cuh-razy! i think it takes a certain type of person to think its ok to bring in and raise multiple kids at the same time. i think jon and kate had a good chance of having a good family but the fame really got to kates head. the fame and money just made her greedier. kate deals with it by telling herself shes doing this for the kids but isnt sanity worth a lot more than money itself?

so obv im team jon all the way but after speaking with jamie and reading jennies comments on fb, im trying to see team kates pov. i still think kate is a psycho hose beast. im still on team jon bc ive seen him get abused by kate season after season. is he lazy? a lil but honestly, what man isnt. plus, i think hes been picking up the slack while kate has been gone. one of my fave eps is when jon has the sextuplets bc kate is away. he takes the kids out into the woods in their yard. it was sweet and fun and just laid back. kate gave jon a hard time bc he didnt do things exactly the way she would do them but that doesnt mean the way jon handles things is wrong. maybe i feel for jon bc thats how im perceived by my own fam at times. i dont do things right away but i do get the things done, just at my own pace. i think their relationship was headed for the shitter bc it was always about the kids. they never took time to focus on their relationship: on jon and kate. i hope when i get married and have kids, i still have hubby and wifey time. you need to keep that spark alive bc without that spark, you cant keep the whole family warm.