Friday, August 04, 2006

the f-word

so i joined last month. im not the most active user of the site. actually, i was about to give up on it after only a few days. the guys who wrote me either didnt have a pic, were unattractive if they did have a pic, closer to my fathers age than my own, or just geographically undesirable. ugh! is it that hard to find a decent guy in nyc? ok fine. im not completely in nyc yet but im on my way. why waste time with an islander when im on my way outta the suburbs. anyway, even when i went "cruising" i was going, "loser, gross, grosser, ew, why am i on this again, possibly, probably not, does anyone have a gun to shoot me in the head with..." so during one of my rants to jamie she said i had the wrong attitude and actually signed on as me and started "winking" away.

we mustve winked at about a dozen guys. crazy. out of that dozen, one wrote back. yeah. one. im that hot. ill be honest with you, he wasnt numero uno in my book but he does good email, maybe as good as me so i gave him a shot. we hung out a few times. he fit my criteria: tall, jewy, tokes... and jokes around. i like to laugh. i need a guy with a sense of humor. anyway, i was feelin' him but wasnt fallin' for him. there wasnt that (as carrie bradshaw called it) zazazu. our convos flowed which is key bc i hate hate hate awkward silences. so one thing was for sure, we can talk. the question now was, can we move?

finally things got a little physical (dont worry, it was very pg-13 - im no ho!) and the man starts "the talk". you know what talk im talking about. if theres one thing i hate more than awkward silences its being asked for my opinions. my feelings on things. crappers. even jill r says i always tell her what other people think about my situations... what am i thinking? so now im half naked laying next to him and hes asking what im thinking about this sitch. seriously?! i would rather have been standing outside with a ski suit on (the nyc rising temps and humidity this week have been heat stroke inducing) than answer him. so he answered his own question with basically one of the worst answers ever, the damn f-word: friend. whatever happens, lets stay friends but lets be friends with benefits. if it turns into a relationship thats cool.

the thing is, i probably wouldve been ok with that set up if he hadnt brought it up first. all girls want to feel special. they want to be the one. even if the guys whos feeling it isnt her one, as long as shes his one, its ok. the friends with benefits basically rips away the specialness the girl feels. now shes just a ho. a chill ho who doesnt mind being a ho, but a ho nonetheless. so yeah, this guy aint my one, but i guess my feelings were hurt a little bc im not his one. whatever. im kickass. if im not the one for him, there are others that would gladly like to see if i am their one. i just hope their on match or will cross my path one of these days.

special mentions to come later


Blogger NYC Publicist said...

brilliant as always.

12:04 PM  

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