Thursday, June 19, 2008

fights: effects of being a normal girl

i vividly remember this convo the bf and i had with rock candy (rocco and candice). it was almost a year ago (last july) and my man and i were definitely still in our honeymoon stage. all love, no fights. we said never fight bc we communicate. we tell each other everything. even the things that bother us so we never get to the fighting level. then rock candy said that sometimes its nice to do things for each other without even asking for it. kinda like mind reading. i thought that was silly and such a normal girl thing to do. expect your man to just know what you want. please. i know (or knew) men were dolts when it came to knowing what women want (unless your mel gibson of course). i said i would never be like that.

ah. i guess as time passed by and i fell deeper and deeper into coupledom, i also evolved into a normal girl. damnit! i mean, ok fine, i was never big on confrontation. my approach to confrontations was not approaching them at all. just run. run and fast. and far. and keep running. ive gotten better at confrontations though. especially since moving into the city. ive had to confront issues in order to live my life the way i want and deserve.

the last fight i had with the bf was bc of my normal-ness. i wanted him to read my mind and when he just responded with a puzzled face, i wanted to ARGH! how could he not know whats wrong with me. actually, when i relayed the details of the fight with dee she simpled replied, "ahhh, you pulled a maj." he asked what was wrong, and i said "nothing." damnit. ive turned into maj! the crazy lady i went to therapy for to not become. what the crap happened to me?!

i mean, there are legit (to me anyway) reasons why i expected my man to know why i was so angro. a brief history and recap of our past lil tiff. so i got weddings galore in october plus my bods been getting a bit jello-y so ive been wanting to hit the gym. ive dropped the "we should go to the gym" line for the past few weeks only to be responded by a grunt from my bf. i even went back to my apt and grabbed some gym wear to bring back to the my mans apt. finally, i full out said, "lets go to the gym after work tonight" and to my surprise, my man said, "yeah sure" and headed out the door for work.

so the lb called me after work to ask what our nights plans were, and i said, "walking the dogs and then youre meeting me at my apt tonight to work out." then he said, "hon, im tired. maybe next time." bastard! i came back to his apt after walking the dogs all disgruntled and pissed. and thats when he asked what was wrong and i said, "nothing." bc he should know! his defense was he never promised so he was totally able to say no with no problem. then he said he promised he would go "next time." im a smart cookie so i said ok, next time is tomorrow! sure enough my mand kept his word and we went to the gym the next night. have we been back since? no. but we will return! we're gonna be hot sexy bitches for the october weddings and the annual winter anguilla vacay.

during my angro state, a lot of thoughts flew threw my mind. how does he not know? he should know? does he not care about me? does he not respect my feelings and needs? how does he not read my thoughts? i realized that if he didnt care, he wouldnt want to why i was so angry. and after convos with other couples about this (non) mind reading, i realized that even if he cant read my mind, i still want him to attempt to or guess whats wrong with me instead of asking and then getting pissed when i say nothing. fine, i guess that would aggravate me too but i want an attempt. in most cases, he would get it right. bc he knows me.

when you spend as much time with a person like my man and i do, you learn each others lil ticks and tacks, likes and dislikes. maybe im playing a crazy game with myself. like a how well does he know me game. i mean, sometimes we communicate with each other by just using facial expressions, hand motions, and grunts. how can he not know what im thinking?

out of the almost 2 years weve been together (or a lil over 1 year if we're talking technically) weve only had 3 fights. i think its bc we never let anything get to full on fight level. as soon as he sees my face, he wants to fix whatever is bothering me. as for vice versa, theres never a vice versa. i never anger my man. im the perfect gf! (halo shines above my head)

special mention:
brandon: and how do you know so much about relationships?
nikki: because im a girl and that what girls do.


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