Monday, March 24, 2008

and so he knows

i did it peeps. against many many peoples advice i did it. i told the bf about the blog. and he read the blog. and well, i cant say it was all rainbows and pots of gold after that. it was definitely a strange strange trip. after some hurt feelings and tears, weve decided to...

keep on writing! he just wont read it. and no. i wont start censoring what i say. even though this is a blog on the world wide web, i still consider this my journal. a journal cant be censored. its where you go to unleash, not suppress. so yeah. we survived the unveiling of the blog. and trust me, there were times where it felt like that ep of satc where carrie goes to cali for her bookreading (which turned into an opening act for a dog) and all she wants to do is bone mr big but all he wants to do is go over the book and ask if he really was such an asshole. yeah, it felt like that except without the laughs. yeah, my version wasnt as funny.

it started thursday night on our way to my apt from his. i dont know why but my urge to tell him about the blog was bigger than usual so i blurted it out. he of course was curious and wanted to read this. so he did. timing was so bad. bc it was a thursday night. lost! and americas best dance crew! but who could watch and concentrate when the bf is reading! so he read, and i got nauseous. then he got nauseous. then then, its a blur.

the next day my man had the day off so he stayed and finished reading and started to get... angry, upset, hurt. thankfully, there wasnt much work to do at the office bc if there was, i wouldntve been able to do any of it. i felt sick at the fact that i hurt my mans feelings. could.not.concentrate. luckily, i also got out of work early so i rushed home to talk with my man face to face. bottom line, he was mostly upset bc he felt like i was hiding something from him. he didnt know i had this side to me. then i started bawling bc i realized that that was one of my biggest fears. i didnt want him to look at me like a jekyll and hyde. that i put up a happy nice girl front for him but then i write online and become this big mean bitter bitch.

thankfully, that wasnt the case. my man said that i write really well and that he probably wouldve enjoyed reading it that much more if the subject wasnt him. he felt that he sounds like an asshole at times but there were other times when he felt awesome and really happy. he could understand my friends concern about his knowing about this blog bc he can see why they like reading this so much. oh yeah, he also mentioned that if he ever met the phj or the crush from hs i used to call god that he would punch them in the face.

so my man gave me his blessing and told me to continue writing especially since it makes me feel good. we also agreed on me telling him when somethings bothering me rather than just venting on this here blog. ill guess ill just have to write recaps instead of rants now. my man and me. survived a "secret" blog. no. more. secrets! i feel refreshed :)


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