summertime - time to appreciate

its summer. ok, so summer started about a week ago but it really hasnt felt like summer until today. oh yeah, today feels like a ny summer. hot, humid and hot. its times like these im glad i have a job in an air conditioned office. either way, this summer is gonna be different from the other 25 summers ive had before. why, you ask. its my first summer living in the city, the coveted city ive longed to live in for so long. also, its my first summer with a boyfriend! even though getting him was a gradual process, it still changed the way i live pretty abruptly. after having some heart to hearts with my closest friends, im gonna find a middle ground between the way i was and the way i am now. of course i love spending time with my lb, i love that man, but i cant abandon the people who helped me through my hard times, the people ive shared so many good times with, the people who love me for me.

jamie and mike had a housewarming party last week for their new jamie-tized apt and i went there solo (the lb was in nh with his fam for a wedding). i always say things happen for a reason and im glad that things worked the way they did and i went there alone. i got to spend some time with my close buds and realize that i can still have fun when im not in lovey dovey lala land with my man. its just weird, being on the non-cheese (stands alone) boat. ive spent most of my life complaining and now i find myself preaching on about how life is good. its all about the attitude. damn. i dont think love makes you blind, it makes you ridiculously stupid.

so since jamie and mikes party, a few things happened that made me step out of my lala land box, and really look at life. damn reality checks. first, was georgias wedding. georgia was one of my best friends in high school. my memories of shs are filled with moments of the three of us - georgia, jiller, me. it was strange seeing one of us get married and enter a whole new world. then it made me think back on a convo that i had with the hpj. he said, we're at the age when we hear that a friend is dating someone, that new bf/gf can ultimately be the one.

of course while georgia was up front doing her vows thing, i did the brenda walsh thing (during jackie taylors wedding to mel silver) and daydreamed about what it would be like if it were me. naturally, i freaked out. my parents voices nagged through my head, you dont just marry the person but the whole family. do i have the heart to let someone marry into my crazy family? sometimes i think i try to be overly awesome to make up for the craziness that is my family. i dont know if ill end up with the lb but if i do, ill feel so guilty. his family is so damn cool and my fam is so damn cold. ooooh, they make me shiver. anyway, im not sweating it at all. that is a long time to come, if it ever does. as jamie and i said during our spring break '06, ill cross that bridge (if) when i cross it.

so after all the weddings, (the lb had his cousins in nh, i had georgias), i reunited with my bf (we were apart for 4 days! i know i know. only 4 days but we havent been apart for that long of a stretch of time since my cruise back in february), and had a great double date dinner with dee and bree (hehe. brians new nickname whenever i mention him with dee). everyone got along famously. it was just a great way to end the weekend. the next day was my last day at my job as i would be starting my new one on tuesday. i figured might as well just dive into the new job. im a dweller. the more free time i have, the more i would get all nervous and anxious about going to a new place.

so my monday really felt like a friday bc it was an ending. this was when the second reality check kicked my ass. dee went to the thyroid doc the week before and they found a growth which they biopsied. she got the results that day and let me know that she has thyroid cancer. yes. cancer. not a typo. it took all my strength to fight back my tears as typed in thyroid cancer into google. the thought of losing my sister... i cant even think of it without losing it. my tears started to go away as i kept reading. the type she has is the most curable and she will not need chemo. the thyroid is the only gland that can absorb iodine which kills cancer, hence the no chemo. relief! her spicy words will live on!

even though ive complained about her before, my relationship with dee has been the best its ever been. sure, we still disagree but now i speak my mind and she actually listens. she listens and empathizes. instead of getting mad when the maj and faj pit her between me and them, she listens and helps us resolve the issue. same with issues i have with le join. hmmm, maybe its me with the problem. ugh, another reality check. damn i hate those.

anyhoo, i started out this post to write about summer. how this summer will be better than the rest bc im in the city and i got a man. maybe itll be better bc i will appreciate things a lot more. appreciate my sister. appreciate money. being po fo sho this year really made me learn the value of a dollar... and the awesomeness of coupons. appreciate opportunities and seize them. ive read about fun summer events in the city for the past few years and wished i could go to them. now i can. plus i can do these activities while being that bitch i always hated, the bitch with the boyfriend. movies in the park, concerts in the park, even just plain walking around... in the park. i live in a gorgeous neighborhood and i plan on exploring it... solo, dolo, triolo, whatever.

my summertime theme is appreciate life. where you are now, where youre heading to in the future. just appreciate it. appreciate my awesome hot self. maybe even focus on making myself hotter (hello! been to my gym twice since i moved in last october). appreciate and actually use the things ive got. strive to get the things i want. i just wanna live and im gonna.

desperate special mention:
jamie: she figured her life couldnt get any worse, so she joined jdate.