Thursday, March 29, 2007

skinny exes: a threat.... not to me =)

if you didnt know already, things with the btj have been pretty smooth and a lot of fun. its strange how much fun you can have with a person while doing absolutely nothing. so you can imagine how i felt when i checked my calendar and saw a packed ass week. work events, party and errands on long island; my lazy ass was having a bd just thinking about it. no time for doing nothing? booooooooooooooo! so naturally i busted out of a work event early last night. yeah, its a surprise i even went at all but the aim was gonna be there since her company was sponsoring it and well, that was reason enough for me to go.

so as i left the bar and walked to the subway, i rang up the btj. much to my surprise, he was NOT staying in his apt and was going out to a local bar to meet a friend. actually, an old girlfriend from high school. no not a friend whos a girl but an ex-girlfriend. yup. naturally he invited me to go and gave me the "reassurance" that his relationship with this chica was totally platonic now. totally felt like i was in a tizzy-tastic carrie bradshaw moment and i blurted out, ok see you soon.

as i rode the subway, i tried to keep myself calm and cool. this should be an interesting experience or could possibly be a bad one. my inner selves were arguing with each other: this is a bad idea, i shouldnt have called him in the first place/i have the busiest 3 days ahead of me, might as well have a session with my "man" when i can. then as i started walking to the bar, i almost turned around twice to call him and say i wasnt feeling well and that i was going home. but i couldnt let myself do that. im trying to confront situations, not run away from them and besides, this wasnt something scary. whats there to run away from. so i walked into the bar with a smile on my face and a nice attitude to exude.

luckily the two sat right in the front of the bar so it wasnt hard to miss them. sat down got a beer and had a nice convo... yeah right. you know i was analyzing this girl from the second i saw her. im a woman. we're judgemental. we size up any girl who comes our way. even if she isnt a "threat" to us. its just natural. anyhoo, first thing i noticed was that this girl was thin thin thin. normally that fact alone wouldve sent me into suicidal mode but i guess my new "im awesome" attitude is kinda instilled in me. no skinny bitch can bring me down. then i noticed how quiet she is. she wasnt mute or anything but her voice is very low (volume not tone) and i had to lean on my lip reading skills to figure out what she was saying. she was also very sweet. very nice. found out her slim physique was due to her years in ballet. homegirl only stopped dancing about a year and a half ago. she started when she was 5. word.

couldnt tell if she still had feelings for el btj though. there were a few brief moments when i felt like cameron diaz in my best friends wedding. the scene when they all go to the karaoke bar and julia and dermott are reliving their glory days and cams just like, i love venice... crickets. but i said, those moments were few and brief. the btj is actually really cool like that, made everyone feel comfortable in a not so comfy situation. so after about an hour and a half of nursing a cold amstel light and listening to ok live bar music, the btj and i left for his apt and he let me in on the history between him and the skinny ballerina.

he basically dated this dancer the summer between high school and college. didnt end things on the greatest terms bc he was a boy about to enter college and we all know what male teens think about college. so he ran into her a few years ago and well, theyve kept in touch. who really cares about this anyway. this is about ME!

the truth is, im glad i went to the bar and didnt chicken out of it. if i didnt go then i wouldnt have had a heart to heart with the btj. after talking about the chica, we just did our thing back at his apt but also had some deep convos. we basically told each other why we're so loco. i guess the best part was how i felt at the end of the night. i felt great. i felt like a not so skinny but still a hot girl whos not as shy as i once thought and i really do have a rapist wit. ok, maybe not a rapist wit but i can definitely sprinkle in my little quirky jabs in convos here and there. i really like me. and thats just awesome.


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