Monday, March 12, 2007

peni power preguntas

so this past weekend, i spent some quality time with me! i even took myself out on a cute date running errands and going to fun eateries. wonderful. i should feel refreshed and alive. have a better sense of who i am. alone time, me time, time to find me time. well, the only thing i knew for a fact was that when given the opportunity to do whatever i want, i choose to do nothing. yup, im a fat lazy bitch. spent the majority of my weekend playing the island game on my bed, only leaving my mattress when nature... or my hunger called. anyway, just bc my bod was pretty much immobile, doesnt mean the wheels upstairs were taking a brake(get it, brake, break, pun is intended people!). my minds been on overdrive and what drives a girl nuttier than a nutrageous bar, the damn peni power.

ive been thinking about my relationship with the btj. damn maj and her maj-erly advice. ive been seeing him with an ignorant blanket over my eyes (emphasis on the ignor part of ignorant). its not that i didnt know, i just chose to ignore it. thinking if i continue to ignore, my feelings will eventually follow my head and all will be dandy. the damn peni power, the damn power of feelings. yes, feelings. im getting them. ok fine, i have them. well, i guess admitting is the first step to... to... to... inner peace? damn damn damn, i like the damn btj.

so the maj says i should just cut him loose. jiller says i should keep him on the side. i like jillers advice much better but its hard to keep someone on the side if you dont have a main dish. so i started hunting. i got a mini boost last week when someone i wouldve winked at myself wrote me. kickin! so i wrote him back and sent him my quirky quiz i give to any and all potential suiters. imagine my surprise when he returned the quiz and the answers were splendid! excited fo sho, i immediately wrote back and gave him my number. this was on friday. today is monday. if i dont hear anything by tomorrow, im sticking this one in the done and done file. sad and sad.

another "fun" surprise this morning: i went on a winkfest last week and one of them actually responded back! the response wasnt ideal, it was a wink back instead of an email, but a response is still a response. i dont understand the wink backs though. i may NOT respond back to this guy. no balls to actually write me. ugh! why is dating so damn difficult?!

is this why i keep on keepin on holdin onto the btj? is it from fear? fear of being "alone" again? i put alone in quotes bc technically i am and have been "alone" but im rather quite enjoying being fake alone than the real deal alone alone. the btj and i are pretty much in a relationship without the title but the title is really everything if you think about it. the title is the safety net. the net thatll block any dumb ho that tries to interfere. am i willing to keep going without the net? is he ever scared someones gonna snatch me away or does he not worry? why isnt he worrying? arent i a hot bitch who can be wooed away by the next studly gentleman that comes my way? why doesnt he care if i leave? is it bc im not jewish? why is it so hard for me to find someone else? i dont wanna hear the bullshit bc i dont go out enough but the truth is, do i really wanna meet my future boyfriend at some bar? then again, georgia is marrying a guy she met a bar. am i not cutting him loose bc i actually like him? am i scared hes gonna do the cutting before me? will it be possible to stay friends with him when the sex is over? we have been able to hang out and not have sex but thats bc of the presence of mother natures nasty aunt. is he embarassed to be with me? am i crazy carrie to his commitment phobic big? am i just addicted to sex? ive been alone alone for well over 20 years, why is it so hard for me to go back to that? why are these questions running through my head right now? is it bc tax season is here and the faj says i can get a lot more money back if im married? is it bc another one of my friends just got engaged this weekend? will i ever have a real relationship? if i do, will it be my only real relationship? am i a difficult person to be around? in the words of queen: can anybody find me, somebody to love!

special mention (fat lazy bitch weekend edition):
jim walsh: speaking of people doing stupid things, can you keep an eye on valerie and her incense lighting problem.
cindy walsh: she just needs a positive influence.
brandon walsh: one role model coming up.
last meal at the peach pit before jim and cindys move to hong kong (incense lighting = reefer madness)
valerie malone = my fave badass rebel whore - smokin in the walsh house... amazing!


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