Sunday, March 04, 2007

shout out or shut up

yeah, ive got opinions but i tend to keep them to myself. for as long as i can remember, ive always kept my mouth shut, bottling up all my feelings inside bc i was afraid. what was/am i afraid of? back then, i was clearly frightened of my sister. scared of saying something that might make her mad. that fear stuck with me wherever i went, even without her presence. i was too scared to say how i felt bc what i was feeling/thinking was probably dumb. thats what i figured out during my time with jill r, i was always too scared to put myself out there and possibly sound like an idiot.

so youd think with my new self esteem, id be confident to say what i wanna say. WRONG! im still cautious about what comes out of my piehole but its not my feelings i have to worry about. see, with years of silence come years of observations. seeing the truth. well, the truth hurts at times and i havent quite mastered the art of telling it like it is without hurting the person im telling it to. please. im still working on accepting some truths about my life and myself but if i see something, should i follow the mtas rules and actually say something? should i try to help someone out although it may sting them or just let them go on in their blissful state of ignorance (my fave state btw).

what sparked this intuitive spiral? a comment i made to le join about gio. i know my opinion came from watching too much dog whisperer, damn you cesar millan!, but my frustrations about how le join has been taking care of gio have been building up for a while. one small comment out of my mouth stirred up tears, dirty looks and the silent treatment/one word responses from le join. even after numerous apologies, i could still see the pain in her eyes. i hurt her. i just wanted to help but instead made her cry. whats worse is that she sees my comments coming from a selfish place. she thinks im saying these things bc im fed up with walking the dog myself. well yeah, it sucks to come back home at the wee hours of the night bc i have to walk the damn dog in the morning. but honestly, i do that bc im not selfish. doesnt it suck when all im trying to do is give some advice and the person twists it around into a selfish comment.

so what do i do? should i keep my mouth shut and continue to watch unjustice and unhealthiness (if thats even a word) exist or should i keep speaking up even though the people who need to hear it close their ears up and translate my words into utter nonsense? or should i choose option c. send a tape to the dog whisperer and hope that cesar will train gio and le join properly?

special mention (dog whisperer edition):
remember, your dog needs
1. exercise
2. discipline
3. affection
in that order.


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