Tuesday, September 05, 2006

and i like muenster

im not here to talk about cheese although i really do like muenster. i think sweet munchee is my fave though (thanks jiller!). im talking about cheese in a theoretical sense and the cheese is me. why? bc the cheese stands alone and that is my state. alone alone alone. sure, there are few crackers who hang around once in a while but none that compliment me the way i want. the way i deserve. ok, the way i want to be complimented. who am i kidding. i dont know what i want.

my close friends think im lying to myself about my sitch with the btj. they think i say im fine but deep down, im hurting. well the hurt must be really really deep bc i dont feel any pain. i have a great time when im with him and i dont fall to pieces when im not. if anything, im looking for another when im not... or at least have other people look/wink for me (tip for la jamie: check the height before winkage!).

my family thinks im a crazy bridge and tunnel ho. ok, my family meaning la join although im pretty sure dee agrees with her too. theyre kinda like confused when i start to complain about being alone. alone alone alone. as la join would say to me, if you have a boyfriend then you cant be the crazy slut youre being now. hmmm. food for thought.

so why do i want to be a crazy ho? as fun as it is, and i must admit my ho-tastic moments have been tons of fun, i guess deep down i think this is the way i should be living in order to prevent the woulda, coulda, shoulda feelings. my senior quote was, "i do not regret the things ive done but those i did not do" and well, i dont want to regret not doing anything. i feel like such an asshole guy for saying this but having a significant other is like a ball and chain. so the question is, do i want to be shackled up?

i like the road im on right now. the independent woman road. ive got the best friends ever, a kickass job, i can actually stand to be in the same room with my family, and although i should start hitting the gym again (maj and faj give me daily reminders) i dont completely hate the way i look. jill r would be so proud of the improvement in my self image. i guess fate is handling things this way bc even though im on the road, im not at my completely kickass independent woman destination. maybe when i do get there, a just as amazing kickass independent man will be strolling by. not there waiting for me (i want a mover and a shaker) but we still meet in some spectacular way.

all im asking for, before this spectacular man comes into my life, is for a few entertaining fellas to accompany me for some parts of my amazing journey called life. i would also like to ask for no detours aka stds and pregnancies. that would be beyond kickass. i just want to live my selfish years to the fullest and i know my selfish clock is a tickin'. so im gonna go on a rockin before my clock stops tick tockin'.

special mention:
jimmer podrasky and the rave-ups


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