Sunday, December 04, 2005

im dreaming of a yellow xmas

3 more weeks til xmas. less than 21 days til i hop on a plane for sunny la. im excited for this fun vacay. spending it with my brosef and my fave cuz(s), driving, smoking, eating, warm weather. not that ive been hating the cold ny weather. not yet anyway but my loathing is building up and getting ready to explode. why do i hate the cold weather? because i hate the damn snow. white xmas, give me a nice sunny yellow xmas. dont get me wrong, i kinda like the cold weather. lord knows i look a lot hotter in a nice fitted sweater and tight jeans than a belly baring top with ho shorts. and id rather be cozying up in my huge comfy blanket than sweating bullets and throwing my sheets across the room. but i hate the snow. yeah it looks nice on trees but the nice nature canvas aint rewarding enough for the grief snow gives me. ugh. the reasons why i hate the snow:

1. shoveling - seriously, if i want nice chiseled arms, id do my 8 minute arms workout. i dont need the arm and back pain that comes with shoveling snow, that is of course unless i have a nice bottle of vicodin waiting for me. while the neighbors use their snow blowers to clear their driveways in a jiff, im walking into my house after an hour of aching shoveling with frozen snot on my face ala dumb and dumber. im raising my kids on the west coast. theyre not even gonna know what a shovel is.

2. not driver friendly weather - whats worse than shoveling snow is driving in it. especially when you drive a tiny vw cabrio and your office is on the steepest hill south of northern blvd. every 1/10 of a mile seems like an eternity when i drive in d2 at 10 mph, grabbing onto the steering wheel like an 80 year old granny. this is why i slave at work during the gorgeous sunny days of summer, so i can call in sick when the white stuff is on the ground.

3. parking friendly? not in nyc - ok so i dont live in the city yet but on the weekends, its my second home. finding parking in the city is tough but the snow makes it down right impossible. seriously, this is the stuff that causes winter blues: i get back and arm pains from shoveling the driveway, eye strains from concentrating on the road while driving, and then stressed the f! out while looking for a parking spot that doesnt have a mountain of snow blocking it. sounds like its gonna be a netflix-ed winter.

4. delays delays delays - traffic traffic traffic. snow sucks sucks sucks. i was hoping i wouldnt see any snow til '06 but no, we got our first glimpse this morning and supposedly more is coming this week. argh. please please please do not affect my flight to sunny la. ill cry cry cry.

5. more accidents - yeah, car accidents suck but im talking about the embarassing accidents. you know, you walk into work with coffee in one hand, car keys in the other, just happy that youre inside and not outside in the cold and frigid snowy weather. you take one step and all of a sudden, you feel air, a lot of it and then you feel the ground... under your ass. because you were walking in the slushy snow, your feet were wet causing you to slip and fall. snow is so annoying it needs your feet to be equipped with proper attire: boots. remember to wipe your feet, and your nose as itll probably be running.

so im looking forward to my west coast holiday. the sun, sun, mr golden sun. hehe. who am i kidding, ill probably feel like brenda walsh during her first holiday in the 90210. "i cant believe im wearing shorts in the middle of december." ok, i probably wont come back home with a tan but i will be strolling the streets without worrying about wearing a scarf or gloves. awesome.

the snow can have its fun parts. without snow, there wouldnt be any snow angels, snowmen, or even snowball fights but those things are usually fun things to do with either your kids or a boyfriend. some cool movie moments with snow:

serendipity - john cusack and kate beckinsale finally meeting up at the ice rink and it begins to snow. ugh, pretty people and snow. so nice i hate 'em.

eternal sunshine of the spotless mind - who knew montauk could be so cool. i would bare the freezing cold weather to lay on the snowy ground with that one supercool kickass guy.

snow day - ok, this is just a cool movie. snow day man. if you havent seen it, rent it. its awesome. "give us the wayne./ give me the bird./the wayne!/the bird!/the wayne!"

bundle up you new yorkers. its gonna get cold outside. as for the west coasters, get ready for crazy cousin cass. ima comin' in 3 weeks!

special mention:
rich making himself a hearty dinner
"the 'i love pig' special: ham and bacon on a hero!"

tom ending an intense convo with the "stick in the mud" asshole:
"obviously, youre not ready to talk business."


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