tough love is... tough

i love the quote "success is like farts, only your own smell good" but honestly, if youre successful but the ones around you arent, its hard to be all, "party time. excellent." its kind of how i feel about my life right now. me, myself, im doing awesome. not only do i have a kickass bf but our relationship is pretty f-in stellar too, i have a job that i actually enjoy going to, and i have a condo that im about to move into with my awesome bf. whats to complain about, right?

although my life is on track, the people around me either get shit on or shit on me. yes. shit.on.me. so dee, my older sis, got laid off in january. losing a job sucks. losing a job while preggers, that sucks more. im not worried about her too much though. dee may be a LOT of things, fortunately some of those things include being a mover and a shaker. in these disgusting economic times, i know she'll find work, even if she has to threaten someone to get it (which may be how it gets done).

so yeah, dees sitch is sad but it doesnt affect me. there are 2 people though, that do affect my life. my bf is obv 1 of those people but ill get to explaining his sitch after i vent about the 1st person: le join. obv, le join and i havent had the greatest relationship since living in the city. if you dont know what im talking about, you can read this, this, and this to refresh your memory. there are actually a LOT more of those but im too lazy to look for them right now. so le join has treated me like crap and i took it bc shes my sister and im always the bigger person. plus, whenever i would try to get help from my parents, they would ALWAYS pull out the pity card for her. she has nothing, help her. well, le join got herself into a sitch that even my parents cant help her out of. why does this affect me? bc its actually my name and my credit that she f-ed big time. the faj was so furious he was (and still is) looking for ways to put le join in jail. jail. kept asking my bro-in-law if they can throw her in the slammer for 6 months. yeah, and the faj is the nice parent. crazy.

so what did our lil chef with the big 'tude do? she decided to just forget the maintenance bills for oh, 3 months. yes the maintenance bills that are under my name bc it is my apt. yes the apt that i do not live in. the apt that i pay a mortgage for every month while she gets to live in in a luxe building for under $1000 a month. that ungrateful ho decided to shit in my face by neglecting the bills and spending her money on booze and ciggies. while i spend almost 3 times as much as she does a month and dont even get to reap the benefits. yeah so i feel awesome bathing in her shit. fan-flippin-tastic!

so i found out this lovely news about 2 weeks ago, on a wednesday night (i actually started to write this blog last week but ive either been too busy or too heated to finish). dee and bri got some crazy late fee on their maintenance bill so they asked le join if she had the same prob. le join kinda blew off that question and if you know miss dionne, if she doesnt get a straight answer from you, she'll go and get the damn answer herself. which is what she did. she went up to the apt and opened the bill. thats when she discovered the way past due date and way way way large charges. oh, a fuming i was. even joe e tata couldnt calm me down. my whole body was trembling. that f-in bitchass selfish dumb ungrateful irresponsible two-faced cuntrag piece of shit! she got the f-in golden treatment from me and this is how she treats me back. bitch.is.dead.

so the next night dee and i had dinner together with a friend and then went back to do to... with le join in the complete dark bc if she didnt open the bills for the past 3 months she def did not open the current bill. after dinner, dee and i headed down to talk to le join (aka rip her a new and very deserved asshole). i said even though she shit in my face i still dont want to gang up on her so i had dee talk first, and then leave so i could have my words with jo alone. so dee talked to le join (had to vent about her cruel cruel neglect on gio... the nerve!) and then she left. then i let le join explain herself before giving her the ground rules.

le join said she knows what she did was wrong but she felt like she had to rebel bc she lived in the city but never really lived in the city. so i said, well youre gonna pay for this bill and i dont care if you have to suck cock on 42nd st to do it. like i said, i was fuming. i gave her til the 31st to pay it and left.

the next night (friday) less than 24 hours i had my talk with le join, i get a text from dee: shes out already. the cuntrag is OUT?!?! i just finished wiping her shit off my face and then she does it again?!?! if i were a cartoon character, straight up steam wouldve been coming outta my ears followed by my entire head blowing off. is.she.SERIOUS?!?! not that i was gonna go out that night anyway, i planned on going to bed early, waking up early and going down to do to to catch that dumb ho in bed with her new boy toy. oh i was heated and i was a planning a f-in beatdown!

since i went to bed early, i woke up around 4am to find a text from le join herself at 1:15 am telling me her boy toy is sleeping over. she really is a complete moron. not only did she do something so wrong, the timing was so so so bad and she f-in gives me proof and admits that she went out. the only good thing was, i didnt have to go down to do to early. bitch already proved that she was out. moron.

so i got out of bed sat morning and to plan my vicious kick out. yes. kicking the bitch out! if her boy was still there, i was gonna be civil and tell him to leave. then i was gonna grab that ho by the hair, maybe let her brush her teeth, go to the bank and make her take out money to give me, then walk to the subway and demand for her keys. then i was gonna say, "good luck getting into a homeless shelter with your precious louis vuitton (which was supposed to be mine btw)" and just walk down to the subway.

obv, since i kept using the word "was" thats not how things went down. so i get to the apt and homegirl is alone in bed. so there was no boy i needed to kick out. but le join was still sleeping and i came to the apt around 1pm. so i went into her bag and took her keys. already, my plan was a changing. then i got the ridiculous bill and took another look at it. the amount we thought she owed was just the overdue balance. i scrolled my eyes down to the very bottom and the actual total that is due is way more than the overdue balance. girl is not just f-ed but shes doubly f-ed. after seeing the new grand total, i re-thought kicking her out. yeah, that dumb ho needs to learn a lesson but this bill also needs to get paid. i know its gonna be difficult for her to pay it as it is, it would be impossible to pay it off if she was homeless.

so i let her stay but put her on lockdown. the lovely apt she so ungratefully lived in for the past 3 years is now her jail cell. see, faj did get what he wanted. i have her atm card (and pin) and will have it until the entire debt is paid off. she will get a visit from me everyday but it will be a different time each day. i may stop by alone, i may be with my man or i might just bring a whole posse. the apt has to be spotless every time i stop by. if she is not in the apt when i get there she has a 20 min window to get there. oh and my fave last minute addition is the boy toy is not allowed in the apt. hes a scumbag who forgot to mention he has a gf back at home.

even though le join has shit in my face time and time again i still cant bear to see her all alone. the entire fam is anti-le join. so yeah, i got affected the most from her ridiculously stupid actions yet i have the most sympathy for her. its actually kinda hard for me to be so tough on her but ive realized that my support all these years has actually hurt her bc shes become a ridiculously stupid moron from it.

its been 2 weeks since this fiasco started and le join has been following the rules. obv that is some improvement from her part but she still has a lot of growing up to do - its like she expects a freakin gold star for saying no when people ask her to go out for drinks. wow, what an accomplishment. she said no. if she thinks thats tough, homegirl is in for a rude awakening, its called life.

i just hate that i have to be the parent. so where have my parents been. only after i pleaded with them to go see her in person and talk to her they finally made it down to do to and saw her. that was this past monday. after a full week of this crap. i mean, come ON! its so obvious to everyone else. this boo boo she made was a LOUD cry for help or attention from my parents. she even said it out loud to me: i hear what youre saying and it makes sense but i need to hear that from mom and dad. doesnt that make you wanna cry. i teared up a lil just typing it.

anyway, enough about le join, now onto my man - the bf. it was tough for me to be tough on le join, how do i bring on the tough love to my man, my love, my bf. you know my life mantra, treat others the way you want to be treated. so i put myself in my mans sitch and treated him the way i would want to be. what would i want if i was unemployed? unconditional love and support. which is exactly what ive been giving him. oh and my patience too. and honestly, it wasnt hard to do that at all. it was pretty effortless.

im a big daydreamer. always was and still am. ive been daydreaming about moving back to do to with my man for quite some time. and well, with my sister being preggers and it feels like everyone is popping out a baby this year, my mind couldnt help itself and daydream about the future. having kiddies with my man. yet theres a big gaping hole in my dream. what does my man do? how are we affording living this beautiful life with our gorgeous children (yes i said gorgeous bc you know our genes mixed together is gonna be whoa!). seriously, this daydream looks more like a bad commercial for credit card debt (minus the bad pirate outfit and cheesy yet unbelievable catchy tune).

as tough and strong as my man is, hes just as fra-gi-le. i couldnt even talk to him about his sitch for a while and had to resort to email (i know. again?!) to get all my feelings and thoughts out to him. that was a few weeks ago. we now actually talk and hes finally doing something. but its a struggle everyday. not between us (dont get the wrong idea). but i know its a struggle for him everday. to face his sitch and to deal with it. i try to help out by giving him agendas for the day or even just a few tasks to tackle. hopefully something will be intact (whether its school or work) by the time we move to do to... which is about a month from now.

im praying things will be sunnier in a month. my man and i already planned the layout of the new and improved do to. and yes, we will have a housewarming party. i never had one when i lived with jo. and i told jo exactly why we never had one, bc the apt never felt like mine. she treated me like crap and took over the apt. thats why im doubly excited about moving back in. bc i get to do whatever i... er i mean we want to do . me and my man. and we figured out a way to have 2 tvs! yes!!! i finally get to watch my real housewives or gossip girl without any obnoxious eye rolls or rude grunts and he gets to be a vidiot without any time restrictions.

the future is bright, although the road leading to it may be a bit bumpy. i got my seatbelt on, im ready to roll!