speed pass - faj is always right

when people meet me and find out i go to therapy regularly, they usually respond with a surprised look on their faces. even the ones who have known me since high school are like, "why mama? youre so normal." its only my closest friends who know that i need to speak with jill r every monday. living in a house with a family like mine would drive anyone nuts. here is a prime example as to why i need someone to tell me weekly that i am sane and the ones who surround me are slightly off center:

since i started my new job in the city, i have been using my car less frequently. obv! so maj has been driving it a few times a week to work. i think shes grown a liking to it too. anyhoo, the 'rents were on a happy generous streak and lent me their mobil speed pass so i could fill my tank with gas. before i left the house to get my gas on, faj reminded me to clip the speed pass back onto his keys when i returned home. ugh. theyve got like responsibility trust issues with me. ridiculous!

so i filled up tank and brought my brosef rich with me. even though we're in the suburbs, i try not to travel alone at night if i dont have to. with a full tank of gas and empty bellies, we harold and kumar'd it to white castle to grab a tasty quick dinner.

the cheeba moment of the night:
rich places his order at the drive thru window. it is now my turn to give my order.
me: hi, can i get...
45 seconds of silence.
rich: ca! you have to order!!!
me: oh right, um 2 jalepeno cheeseburgers
to rich
did you get onion rings?
to the window
and onion rings. thank you!

after dinner we returned home and as i left the car, i made sure i had the speed pass and receipt in my hand. as i clipped the speed pass onto fajs car keys i announced, "faj, i put the speed pass onto your keys and im putting the receipt in the same drawer." there! my ass is now covered. not exactly.

that was friday night. saturday night, i went to the peach pit after dark and ordered some dinner from moonie. just as my grilled cheese and matzoh ball soup arrived, i get a frantic call from the faj. "where is the speed pass? you said you clipped it to my keys. its nowhere to be found. you shouldve double checked the way you clipped it. are you sure you brought it home? if some stranger picked it up, they can charge as much gas as they want. where could it be? you better find it or youre gonna pay the crazy bill. etc..." as annoying and crazy as the phone call was, it didnt bother me too much. i had a fever to distract me from the ridiculousness of the speed pass lossage <----- is that even a word?!

i already had my mind set on finding that damn speed pass either in the drawer that i placed his keys in or the bottom of his car or something. i know for a fact that i did not lose that damn pass. i clipped the damn thing back onto to his damn precious keys. as im driving back home sunday afternoon, faj calls my cell phone, "dont worry about finding the speed pass. i cancelled it. a new one is coming in the mail in a few days." interesting. he was completely calm. a complete 180 from the frantic mess that called me just the day before.

i actually pulled into my driveway about the same time my parents had. faj made another small remark about the speed pass but i just let it slide. hes a bit loonie after all. then 5 minutes later, as im placing my bag on my bedroom floor, faj bursts through the door. he places his hand in his pocket and takes out... the damn speed pass and goes, "so i found the speed pass in my pants. why would you put it here? i told you to put them on my keys. how did they end up in my pocket? " are. you. kidding. me?!?!?!

i answered like so, "yes dad. i am a magician. i clipped them on your keys yesterday but decided they should be in your pants instead. so i put them there this morning... with my mind!" faj still concluded that the "loss" of his speed pass was my fault. not the fact that he probably used his car, placed the keys in his pocket, and when he went to drive again, the speed pass remained in his pocket while the rest of his keys were in the ignition.

dont get me wrong. i LOVE my father with all my heart but that is one reason why i will never marry a korean man. me. wrong. even when im so totally completely not. who can live like that? not i said the fly.... est blogger. im AWESOME!

special mention:
steve sanders: richard harrison. i HATE that guy!