flat

this thought has been brewing in my mind for quite some time. koreans are pretty flat. im not meaning in the chest too. physically, a lot of them are flat in a lot of areas. i am not either naturally or because i got shit enhanced (its the 21st century, who hasnt gotten something done, honestly?). so i thought itd be fun to compare me to the people of my native land.

face
kp - round or oval, their faces are still flat and usually resemble a frying pan. seriously, you know someones hot when that feeling of wanting to fry an egg on their face goes away.

me - people usually get a nose job to get rid of a bump or bridge, i actually wanted a bridge. yeah man. so my nose is surgically enhanced but if i love anything about me (besides my rapist wit) its mi nariz. maybe it was my 16 year old mind subconsciously trying to make my face "jew-ier" but who cares, my profile rocks. now if only i can get rid of that double chin.

chest
kp - skinny bitches = flat chests and let me tell you, south koreas not only got seoul but theyve also got waif-like hos. cant be skinny and have a big chest too, not unless you live in hollywood.

me - the main reason why i quit gymnastics was so i can grow some boobies! i didnt mind being hobbit short but i didnt want to be flat as a board either so i quit the uneven parallel bars and prayed for my period. yeah well, i grew a few inches but the boobies didnt come as fast. i didnt get implants and im glad i never did. watching true life and other gory reality shows with plastic surgery gives me the heebie jeebies. besides, after going on the pill, i didnt need to get a bigger bra but my boobs definitely got fuller but are still small and perky enough to not need a bra. wow, this is turning into a self esteem booster.

belly
kp - skinny bitches = flat bellies. yeah they eat rice with every meal but they dont combine it with fatty fried foods either. so they can wear the ho-iest tops and not have to turn away any ice cream sundaes either. damn.

me - if i grew up in korea, i may have had a flat belly too but no. i grew up on long island, home of the greatest bagels in the world and minutes away from the best pizza to ever hit your lips. instead of having rock hard abs, my belly is jello-y jiggly. eh, once i get out of my winter blues, ill start the pilates and 8 minute abs so i can have a nice six pack by summer. who am i kidding. ive never had a six pack (of abs anyway) but maybe i can work for that line right down the center of the stomach. now thats hot.

ass
kp - if they dont have the lovely lady lumps above the navel you know for sure they aint got no junk in the trunk either. jeepers. the guys have flat asses too. i know because i live with one, and two girls who are lacking in the gadunkadunk dept. asses so flat they need extra cushions on their seats. sad.

me - i dont know if it was the 5 years of competitive gymnastics or if my mom actually passed on a nice trait to me but me, ive got some booty. since i sit on it all day at work, i sleep on my belly to ensure i wont lose one of my better assets. true, i can do squats and lunges to help keep my ass up and perky but that requires physical movement and who wants to do that when you can lay in bed.

i hope i didnt put koreans in a negative light. im glad i am who i am and im also proud of the country my fam came from. seriously, one taste of their banana milk and youll wanna be one. its been over 11 years since ive been to k-land and i really would like to go back. the 18 hour flight, $1000 plane ticket, and lack of ample vacation time are the only things that are standing in my way. ill go back though. someday.

special mention:
i left the good one back at work so an ellen one will have to do. sorry jam
money in the pants. money in the pants. m in the p. m in the p. oh great, now i have to pee.