Wednesday, December 21, 2005

why did i look?

doctors appts. had one today. just an annual check up. no biggie. so i rushed out of work to make it to the docs on time, only to wait an hour to see her. yeah man. an hour. i didnt mind too much. i read a fascinating article about as four in an old issue new york magazine. who knew fashion could be so interesting? so, when i finally got to the examination room, the docs asst came in and took my blood pressure and then said the seven dreaded words: i just need to take your weight. dun dun duuuuuuunnnnnn. yikes. havent been on a scale in over a year. so as i walked over to that dreaded piece of machinery, i told myself, all i have to do is not look. so i stepped on the damn thing and casually looked the other way. quick and painless. the girl jotted down the numbers, said the doc will be in with me shortly and left. so i sat. and waited. and waited. and sat. and then my head started to turn towards the scale. yikes. but i couldnt read the numbers from where i was sitting.

finally the doc came in, we chatted about the holidays and her new baby, only four months old - the beginning of the really adorable age, she did her business and then left. so as i was changing back into my clothes, my head turned to the scale again. and this time i could read the numbers. it. was. not. pretty. it wasnt horrible. ok, maybe it was close to horrible. who am i kidding? i think its the weight i was when i finally said enough! and went out bought 3 bottles of trimspa. ugh. why did i look? such a damn downer. but how could i not look? its like climbing up a mountain and the person youre with telling you to not look down. how do you not look down?!

have i been fooling myself for all these months? thinking i can eat what i want, ignore the damn treadmill thats been collecting dust in our den, and still keep a hot physique. i wont beat myself up about it. i wouldve been in a downward spiral if this was a year ago. especially because i came home, changed into sweats and then my father asked, "are you gonna workout now?" when i had no intention whatsoever to move a damn muscle. i just wanted to be comfy.

even when i signed onto aol after the father debacle, i heard my matt damon say "whaaaaats happenin' tough guy" but it wasnt followed by the usual "youve got wicked mail" which meant not only am i fat heffer but a loser too because i have no email. i signed off right after. btw for you curious folk, matt damon doesnt say goodbye to me, its david blaine going "im gonna vanish." hot.

so am i gonna start budokon-ing at night? not just yet. i figured im leaving for california in 4 days and staying over there for 5. why workout for 4 days when im not gonna be getting any kind of aerobics in for the following 5. plus the whole trip is based upon hitting up as many west coast fast food burger joints (the chicken places ill hit up next year) as possible. so im gonna end the year as a fatass. all the more reason to keep my first and probably everyone elses new years resolution: lose weight. but unlike those other fatties, ive got a plan.... and it includes the treadmill, the master cleanser, budokon, pilates, 8 minute abs and arms and maybe some vivarin to help my lazy ass get out of bed. ok, ill try and refrain my usage of any type of pill but hey, revivin' with vivarin is a lot better than popping "want my body" trimspa 3 times a day.

special mention:
no quotes today but recognizing great and not so great people

super super: angel

worst influence: "seid" now mrs. z

why? a.ras and the prom dress


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