Tuesday, December 20, 2005

cure for hiccups

this weekend joinaclub and i conducted a mini science experiment without even realizing it. kinda like the time the cousins and i made a gravity bong out of a cooler and a cut up arizona iced tea gallon jug but without the cheeb. or the cooler. or the jug. see, the join had the hiccups while we were watching best year ever for the umpteenth time. she was sitting in the only cushioned seat we have in the living room while i sat in the wooden love seat (no joke, its wooden and a two seater and it does not rock like a rocking chair either) diagonally behind her. i didnt mind her hiccups but it was bothering her like no other.

now, i know there are a lot of different "home remedies" or "cures" people have to get rid of the hiccups. theres the drinking the water while upside down, the holding your breath while pinching your nose method, the impossible hold your breath and swallow three times deal, but in my house we go by the scare the crap outta ya method. why? because even if it doesnt work, at least youll get a good laugh out of it... before your next hiccup.

since join couldnt enjoy her mindless vh1, i decided to kick her chair while yelling her name during a quiet moment of the show. she jumped outta her seat and gave me a "i didnt see that one coming" look. nice. i scared and surprised her. she screamed. almost slapped me but then... hiccup. damn it.

to keep her mind off her annoying interrupted breathing, we went to the diner to chow down on burgers. yummy. we had our iced teas and ate 'til there were no more buttons left to unbutton on our pants. her hiccups were still around but not as frequent. when we got back to the car, her complaining nearly drove me nuts. i knew had to scare the bejesus outta her. so as we were approaching an annoying left turn i said, "jo, can you let me know when the light turns red. (1,2,3) AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!" i screamed like i knew what you did last summer. i think she almost crapped her pants. but then, i just heard laughter. we all know ichford has the girliest scream but mine was no joke. the join was impressed. and i was delighted.

as we got out of the car and into borders to buy some last minute holiday gifts... hiccup. and this time it was coming from me. my scream had actually tranferred the hiccups from the join to me. but then i heard another hiccup. sorry join. i didnt cure hers either. other methods that dont work:
hit the persons arm and jump at them (the join to me, at least i wasnt violent)
bend down like your gonna tie your shoe lace and yell their name

ok, so our family method doesnt cure hiccups but it does cure the complaining about them. your mouth cant spit out complaints when its too busy laughing.

special mention:
describing how gayliestar lured her to that fateful new years party oh so many years ago.
jamie: she said "lots of jewish guys will be there." translation - the one jewish guy that will ruin your life will be there.


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