Thursday, November 09, 2006

lobster search

ive been thinking about relationships a lot lately. cmon! how could i not since ive been in the blurry lined quotation marked "relationship" purgatory for a few months now. not that im unhappy or anything. ive actually been enjoying my status. mostly bc i know there are new opportunities popping up everywhere. even possibly down the hall - thanks to the spontaneous and outgoing mike the qg... and the lack of wine bottle openers in my new apt... at the time (jamie got me one a few days ago!). le join also says the dog park is crawling with hottie mcHOTsteins so not only will lil gio be getting some booty, but i may be able to swing in a lil for myself too. anyway, enough about me and my possible future rendevous-es (how do you plural-ize that word?), this is about boys and their feelings on relationships.

yes, i wrote just boys and not girls bc we all know about girls and relationships. girls want to be in relationships. no question. they want that constant feeling of being special and who gives them that exclusive feeling? their boyfriends. girls are smart but once they get an inkling of that "im so special" feeling, their brains turn to a gaga mush of useless crap. thats why some stupid hos take back their cheating motherfuckin' boyfriends. example: jersey girl from the bahamas trip. her disgusting boyfriend and daddy of two of her babies, pushed her so hard, her head hit a bathtub, sending her to the emergency room for numerous stitches. dumb ho still took him back AND described the violent incident as an accident. idiot? yes. lesson here my friends: special = stupid. once he makes you feel special, you turn stupid.

now, as for boys and relationships, they constantly say they dont want to settle down. well this is describing most 20 something boys. there is some truth to it, all men are dogs and monogamy is about as difficult to them as much as sitting through a marathon of lifetime movies is. at the same time, i think boys have a more fairytale-ish look at relationships and settling down than girls do. girls are selective no doubt about it, but they definitely dont hesitate when it comes to testing the waters and dating guys. see if theyre fit to be boyfriend material. but when girls are like this medium guy fits pretty well ill take him, i feel like boys are more like, shes a 28/32 girl and i need a 28/30. girls will settle for a good match, whereas guys want a perfect match.

this made me think of a friend of jamies. lets call him dr mcconaughey bc he looks like matthew when his hair is long. anyway, he broke up with this girl (aka surprise party spoiler of the year) and his reason (besides her being the surprise party spoiler of the year) was that he wanted to be single for a while. understandable. hes a pretty good looking guy whos not a complete asshole (as most good looking guys are). he could reel in a boatload of booty if he was on his a-game. jamie even asked him, what if the perfect girl came into your life right now, what would you do? and he replied, "id still want to be single. its just not the right time." well well well, after a few months of single-dom and a trip to michigan, he comes back to new york with a girlfriend (and the girl still being in michigan). yeah man. that was earlier this year. and now, as the end of the year is approaching, the brotha is looking at rings. ha, so not only did he negate his proclamation of singleness but he totally proved my fairytale minded theory. dr mcconaughey has found his lobster and there aint nothing stoppin' him from letting her go.

another example popped up during my lunch today with my friend somina. we were just enjoying our meals and the nice weather on a public bench when the man sitting right by us interrupted our convo. see somina is basically on the verge of receiving a pretty ring on her pretty finger from her long distance boyfriend. (yes! another damn long distance relationship that actually works! theyve been together for 2 years.) anyway, we were talking about settling down early and becoming a housewife or continuing being a career woman. well the man said how he was on a date with a woman last night and how she pretty much just wants to get sperminated... by him of course. oh yeah, he just ever so casually mentioned he was doctor and used to play football. he was mad bc he felt like the woman just wanted him for his genes and not for him. see, men want to feel special too.

i guess men arent just looking for their lobster. they want to be someones special lobster too. we all want to be special crustaceans. right now im just a crabby abby.

special mention:
not just a hat rack my friends.

-joey tribiani


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