cass in progress

i had a social challenge this weekend. i had a party to go to and had to stay 'til the end. no "20 minute hello/have a drink/apologetic goodbye cassie-style" going out but real deal go to a bar and know that you'll be staying there for hours type of night. to make this challenge even more challenging was the fact that the bday girl (blog nazi jamie) was ill and crabby abby. i couldnt walk around with my usual "this place sucks" attitude at the party because i didnt want to dampen the bday girls fun night anymore than it already has been with her illness. to make sure she would stay in good spirits, i had to be. me and good spirits, now thats a tough combo to bring together but this impossible mission was accomplished. i realized i made some real social progress while i was just trying not be a party pooper. yes, its a little more work than walking around with my usual "when are we leaving" attitude but sometimes i just gotta throw my sourpuss look aside and "work" it.

• suck it up and say hi - i know, its the easiest thing to do. see someone you know, walk up and say hello. but im a lazy bitch and i mean every word of it. lazy because i usually dont feel like getting up when someone new enters a room and bitch because i dont bother getting up and saying hello when someone new enters a room. i realized i went up to every person i knew and said hello with a little convo mixed into it. yeah man. now thats progress from a girl who used to walk the halls with tunnel vision, not even saying hello to her closest friends. progress man. progress. and i got to walk around freely not wondering if that person thinks im a bitch because i didnt go up and say hello earlier. wow. now i know why nice people are so happy, theyre not neurotic. awesome.
  
• when you wanna roll your eyes, bite your tongue (or some food) instead - this is a method we use at home. everyones got pet peeves. theres always that little something about that someone that annoys the crap outta ya. thats why you only speak to this person seldomly. and its the same every time: you guys meet, start talking, you start to think "this person isnt so bad. we should hang out more...", and then its either the way they talk or start talking about whatever annoying subject they loooove to talk about and you start to get that urge, that urge to rip your ears off your head so you can smack that person upside the head with them. when you feel this person coming close, head to the food table and stay put. when the moron starts babbling, insert food in mouth. in big chunks too. youll be too busy trying to chew and swallow to be able to insult them. this method has prevented numerous verbal wars in our house.
• its not always like pulling teeth - i hate small talk. its bullshit. and you know its bullshit. seriously, ive had whole sessions with jill r just talking about my hate for small talk. but i did it. i talked. to people. and even some new people too. yeah man. weekend of progress. i guess my "fear" of small talk was being a failure at it. my real fear is that awkward silence. the "hi my name is so and so/im so and so/nice to meet you/nice to meet you too/crickets crickets crickets" awkward silence. jill r says i hate small talk because i always put the "blame" of the awkward silence on me. she says maybe they just suck and its not me. ok, she didnt put it in those terms but thats what she meant. so i had a lot of conversations with people and managed to occupy myself for hours at the damn black sheep. yay for my increased social stamina!
• im not fat, youre fat! - ok, youre not fat but thanks you guys (the only ones who read this aka my closest and greatest friends ever) for saying the reverse of what my parents yap at me everyday about. i have been feeling kinda fatty lately (its hard not to when you get daily "youre still not working out?" insults) but you guys made me feel like i looked like sometimes britney. who needs workouts to build up endorphins when ive got you guys around. best buds!

hope youre feeling better jamie and gayliestar and if anyone else is illin' out there too, why dont you take a hot bath and wrap a hot towel around your head. it was also pretty awesome seeing jackie from md this weekend. mmmmmm. cookie cake.

special mention:
jiller: so anything new going on with you guys?
g-star: i masturbated today.
rupturous laughter
mama c: ha. i did last night.
the aim: i did this morning.
having a sex and the city-like convo at jamies bday dinner at haru