Wednesday, June 01, 2005

h.b. tv

h.b. tv - has been television. yeah man. its come down to this. i was wondering how i was going to wait for the very much anticipated first ep of entourages second season - sunday night 9pm on hbo. lo and behold for d list celebs anxious for any air time. what would we do without them. so, we have three new shows to look forward to. two which are debuting this week! im so excited youd think i just ran into gideon or something. ok. im not that excited but here we go!

dancing with the stars. everyones been talking about it. even howard stern. hes actually looking forward to it and will be watching it tonight. jeepers, i cant wait to hear his comments during my commute tomorrow. so the show pairs six celebs with six professional dancers and each week, theres a live dance off with judges and us - the viewers - voting off the worst pair. yay! its like idol for reject celebs. so fun. here are the celeb contestants (bc who really cares about the pro dancers, honestly?):

trista "i cant get enough press" rehn/sutter. the bachelorette who actually stayed with the man she chose. hmmm. so after her million dollar wedding of ridiculous amounts of pink roses and whatnot, the girl actually laid low for a lil bit. we all knew she was bound to come back though. girlie loves the camera.

rachel "rods ex" hunter. staceys mom has got the reality tv fever. i guess shes making a step up though - from the real gilligans island - then again, any show (even on upn) would be a step up from that piece of reality crap. oh rachel. the sun mustve dried up her brain. anyhoo, this lady claims she was a dancer back in the day - before she was whisked away to become an international supermodel and pull a christie brinkley by marrying a musician whos twice as old and ugly.

kelly monaco. who is she? yeah. i dont know either. supposedly shes on general hospital. her character is sonny corinthos' pregnant mistress. i havent watched gh in years. probably since before college but i do know one thing. the sonny corinthos/brenda barrett/jasper jacks love triangle was one of the best in soap history. no prego mistresses. just pure love triangle-ness. i dont know who this kelly girl is but i do know this, i wont be rooting for her.

joey mcintyre. my fave new kid hands down. crap, i think i still have his doll/not really an action figure laying around the house somewhere. if you were a new kid, you knew how to dance. even the suckiest new kid (aka jon knight) knew his step by step. damn. but i think the best mover and shaker was jordan knight. even with his braided pony tail and high falsettos jordan knight couldve had a dance off with my jtim. maybe not jtim but you get the idea. joey mac. im rootin for him.

evander "1 & 3/4 ears" holyfield. the man can dance in the boxing ring but can he move on a ballroom floor? seems like everyone is most excited to see mr holyfield do the cha cha with a pro dancer. i dont know. just looking at his picture scares me. i may have to change the channel when he comes on. who am i kidding, ill probably watch him and end up being his number one fan. im weird like that.

john "j peterman" o'hurley. j freakin peterman. its so weird too bc i just saw the seinfeld ep when elaine meets j peterman for the first time. anyhoo, i just hope he gets to speak after he dances. his voice is soothing yet cracks me up all at the same time. now thats talent.

the next show im even more excited for. h1t me baby one more time. yeah man. and theres no britney. 80s pop stars get their second chance by singing their old hits and current hits too! oh man. im bursting at the seams with excitement. and the former stars are:

a flock of seagulls. "and i ran, i ran so far away." yeah. so did their popularity but it may come back. i wonder if the hair is still the same. oh the '80s. those were crazy times.

arrested development. everyday people. mr wendal. tennessee. those were fun songs. all sound like one hit wonder songs but theyre from the same group. interesting. my fondest memory of this group is winning their cd during a limbo contest at a bar mitzvah way back when. man. that was over ten years ago. ew. im old and now nauseous.

cece peniston. "finally. its happened to me..." maybe itll happen again. i used to love that song. i hope she sings a fun bust out current hit. maybe a kelly clarkson song. you know kelly can bust out. i hope cece does too. her voice is great.

loverboy. they sang "(everybodys) working for the weekend." yeah. im sure they even worked on the weekends after the '80s. poor guys. i dont know much about them. i just know that one song. hmmm. according to the shows website, this group is supposedly covering "hero" by enrique iglesias. as long as jennifer "i have to beg for friends" love hewitt doesnt pop up on stage to rub dollar bills against her body, im all for 'em. i love covers.

tiffany. the mall queen of covers. whos first single tops the charts and its not even hers, its a cover?! ok, there was kylie minogue with "the locomotion" but kylie didnt rock out in us malls now did she. oh tiff. shes had it rough. she had to get married to get jon knight(yeah the worst new kid) off her back and posed for playboy to help the sales of her record. yeah. playboy didnt do much but maybe this show will. ooh, i hope she covers brit, or xtina, maybe jessica simpson, even mandy moore.

there is one show thats coming out that doesnt involve some type of competition. a real reality show starring my fave weiz of all time:

pauly "squirly stub" shore! after a string of hit and not so hit movies in the '90s (biodome being my personal fave) he made a pseudo doc film called pauly shore is dead, i guess he decided to go where his fellow d list celebs were going - down the reality tv route with minding the store. so his mom started the famous comedy store and i guess hes taking over and figured he might as well have cameras following every move he makes. hey, a mans gotta make a buck right. btw, his website is pretty cool. i hope his show is too.

so there you go. three new shows to watch when youre not out tanning or roasting. yum!


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