Friday, May 13, 2005

katie hearts gay men

unless youve been living in a cave (or even if you have) im sure youve heard about the kiss seen 'round the world between katie holmes and tom cruise. you probably reacted the same way i did too: what? what? ew. yikes. what? publicity stunt. those were my reactions. so a week later, i have this epiphany and well ... lets just start from the beginning:

katie holmes. sweet, innocent, down to earth type of girl. totally not a sex crazed vixen like most actresses in hollywood. shes even said she wants to remain a virgin 'til marriage. ha! celebs should never ever utter those words - even if its true - bc then every move they make is analyzed and those words become so false to the public. look at britney. exactly. what a ho. but katies a smart girl and her every move was not analyzed at all. she wasnt perceived to be liar, even when she did racy scenes in movies - shes even in skincyclopedia! but maybe it has to do with the men shes been with. she was never linked to the pelvisalicious jtim like the britster. hmmm. so lets get to the men shall we:

chris klein. he first emerged with the critically and mickeypsho acclaimed flick election. he even says my favorite line in the entire movie: "my leg wasnt bugging me too much, and the weather was so nice, and every day after school lisa and i would go to her house to fuck and have a hot tub." fuck and have a hot tub. aint that a great combo. anyhoo, back to chris klein. miss holmes picked a good one for her first celeb relationship. chris klein is an all american guy. an all american nice guy. nice usually = gay. im not saying he is but hey, hes a pretty good looking dude. why isnt he going on a rampage pillaging dumb blondes in california? hes a single hollywood actor. oh yes, hes also a single hollywood actor who has an ex with a much better career than his. hmmm. maybe its bruised his ego a lil bit but still. go out and get some man ... with a man or a woman. whichever tickles your pickle. since we're talking gay here:

"tommy can you hear me." damn rosie o. every time i see tom cruise, i hear that damn tommy song. so the gay rumors have been flying around for years with this one. hes never been seen with a man. so why is he gay? bc hes so damn nice just like chris klein. hmmm. see a pattern? my epiphanies are so intelligent arent they? so i have one more gay example:

ok. so they didnt actually date. their characters did on dawsons creek but why did jack mcphee stray away from joey potter. bc he liked the same thing she did - penis. poor joey potter but miss holmes on the other hand, wasted no time after her breakup with chris klein. oh no. there was someone she was canoodling with before mr tom cruise:

josh "bed head" hartnett. im sure he didnt get any of his bed head with her but you never know. that katie holmes is a sly one. and she knows how to stick it right to 'em. i just love how josh and chris were in that horrible movie together playing two guys vying for the same (amazon) girl played by leelee sobieski. hehe. i think chris' character ended up with the girl in the movie but guess who got the last laugh? josh. well, first josh then tom. katie holmes. another smart celeb. she should get with jtim.


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