Tuesday, March 31, 2009


i try to live a calm life. i try to be zen as much as possible. i mind my own business and just go about my day. but lately, lately ive been angry. so angry that my whole body trembles. i get the shakes bc my body has never had to deal with this much hostility. its def not used to the anger (or lack of the usual "dealing with the crazy fam" remedy - withdrawal day 7!). whenever i would get verbally abused by my fam (which would be daily) i would deal with it my clouding my mind. before i discovered the wonderful clouds, i would deal with it by getting upset. id actually listen and believe what those crazy bitches said about me. im worthless. im stupid. im a bitch. well thank goodness i found my brain (and my backbone).

so im pissed at the bitch whose abuse drove me to 2 years of therapy (and i probably need more too): dee. shes a dumb bitch who should keep her mouth shut and her nose out of other peoples business. she criticized the way ive been handling the sitch with le join (read the post below if you dont know what im talking about). i know, i know. the trips down to doto arent exactly back-breaking but an extra place to stop by after a full day of work isnt exactly a cakewalk either. im tired (and this withOUT youknowwhat).

i actually had the day off yesterday (monday). had a drs appt on li and then spent the rest of the day with my parents. the faj dropped me off at the 7 train after a quick visit to my grandma. so i finally got back into the city around the same time i wouldve gotten home from work. then i got a call from le join. she just got off of work too. i knew she was exhausted. since she got a second job, shes been working 7 days a week. i used to work 6 days a week (remember my sundays helping out maj and faj) so i feel her pain. still, i gotta be a p.o. stick to my guns and my rules.

the night before (sunday) i stopped by and the place was a mess. thats a broken rule. apt must be clean. but i let it slide. i gave her til tomorrow (monday) to have the apt clean. i couldve just kicked her to the curb (which was part of the agreement). so when le join called me to let me know she just got off from work, she also mentioned the apt was only half clean. so i said well i wont go straight to you right now, ill chill with my man and come down later. have the apt cleaned by then. i thought that was fair. and honestly, if the place was still a mess but i saw an effort when i got there, i wouldve let it slide again.

well, i never made it down to doto as expected. no, i got interrupted by a text message from miss dee. and this is the text message verbatim:
I know you have jo on lock down but she's crying here. She just got off of work. Maybe u should slow it down with drill sgt. She says she will clean.

not wanting to go the same route my fam goes down every time they want to talk to someone (which is going to everyone but the person they have a prob with) i went straight to the source. i called le join. was she crying? no. did she sound upset? no. did we have a civil call? i think so. but then hitler herself had to get on the phone to YELL at me. "DONT YOU THINK YOURE BEING A BITCH TO BOTH JO AND ME?" i responded with i might be being a bitch to you but i dont think i was to jo. too bad i dont know if she even heard my response bc she hung up. thats typical. that cuntrag always has to have the last word. and yes, i used the c-word. bc well, she really is one.

honestly, that bitchout was the last straw. i was feeling exhausted and almost wanted to nap right before i got that text message. so after being yelled a BITCH, i couldnt handle it anymore. and i cried. ok, thats an understatement. i BAWLED. big tears, lost breath, body shakes, the whole nine. a suicidal line even slipped out of my mouth. i just wanted to give up. i felt betrayed by le join (was she crying and then playing it off when i called?*) and i wanted to wring dees neck. i truly believe every single word that comes out of that whores mouth is projection. a bitch? me? does she think shes looking in the mirror when she sees me bc thats the only way she can call me that. f-in ho.

of course my man was beside me the entire time. and it killed him. bc as soon as i got off the phone, he put his jacket on to go down to doto and bitch the crap outta my sister (actually, he wanted to "burn her house down" - the quotes are there bc thats exactly what he said). but i didnt let him. my parents are kinda strange about that. my man sticking up for me against my sisters. he did that once before and my parents lectured me saying in sitches like that, my man shouldve stuck up for my sisters and told me to be nicer. what?!?! my man needs to learn how to say "devil" in korean so he can correctly explain what we're dealing with.

anyway, after the tears dried up (which was about an hour later) my man knocked some sense into me. i let it sink in. and i think it worked bc this morning, i woke up empowered. ready to kick some ass and take some names (even though i know it already: deemian). even though i felt right and powerful, im still trembling. not sure why. is it the overburst of emotions? or withdrawal? or lack of food... from the lack of appetite (from the withdrawal - best diet!) of course. im not my sister. i dont have or ever had an eating disorder. anyhoo, going down to doto tonight. ill be civil to le join. if i see dee, i dont know how ill be. preggers or not, she would be a nosy bitch no matter what. she cant use that baby as an excuse. that poor kid. hostility is probably already seeping into him/her.

*spoke to le join - she had no idea what the fuck that conniving cunt was doing. dee came upstairs while le join was cleaning the apt and saw le joins tired face. then that evil wench sent me that scathing text message while telling le join all she wrote to me was "shes tired. be easy on her." after dee yelled at me, she left the apt and le join was standing there astonished at what just happened. she told me she cried bc she knew what dee did probably hurt me which was the last thing she wanted to happen since she herself has been working her ass off to make up for the big boo boo that has already caused me distress.

backstory: i asked that dumb ho last week to not use wee wee pads when she drops off her 3 year old dog at my apt since i would like it to not smell like urine when my man and i move in in 5 weeks. (yes he still uses wee wee pads bc that lazy piece of shit doesnt walk him.) then she asked me to drive in my car but when i told her i wasnt going to bend over backwards so she can fuck me in the ass... i mean park the car in the city (which is pretty much the same as anal rape), she was not the happiest biatch and i ended up not bringing it in. that stupid ho was looking for any excuse to bitch at me, even if it meant using jo as the bait which she probably was happy about too. that thing is pure evil. she.is.evil. el diablo.


Anonymous Justin said...

Oh, I was so ready to go to war. I was about to declare Jihad- and I did say I'd "Burn her house down". I meant it. Diane, if you read this: That's 2 strikes. One more, and even Cassie won't be able stop me from shouting you into submission. The attack doberman will be off the leash!

9:30 PM  

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