Friday, May 26, 2006

slutskyas i admire

sluts. they have a bad name. you hear slut and you automatically think dirty dirty girl with no self respect. blah blah blah. get in ultra-feminist mode. but lets face it. every girl has got that side. that slutty whore side. that side that secretly wants to be one of those girls in maxim and fhm. that girl who doesnt give a fuck and will fuck. fuck whoever she wants, whenever she wants him. bad rep? who cares. nothing wrong with getting some booty. man. you may call them names but deep down you admire them. well, at least i do. i even have an admirable slut list. drumroll please:

manuela "manny" santos
who is she:
played brilliantly by my namesake, cassie steele. oh, ive watched her grow up from an awkward daydreaming preteen to a raging curvy skankalicious woman on degrassi.
why shes a ho: her looks, skinny with tits n ass (bitch!), and style (crop tops + low rise jeans - underwear = coin slot city) got heads turning all over degrassi.
why shes an admirable ho: even though she was just a little 7th grader, homegirl asked out 8th grade hottie craig. although it only lasted one date, miss santos knew she wanted craig and stole him back two years later.
why shes a dirty ho: i said stole him back because homeboy was dating miss prude city ashley and you know how the latinas are... mr manning even sperminated manny but the fetus was aborted immediately. yikes.
why i admire her: she got craig manning in the end. besides being bipolar, hes awesome!

kristin cavallari
who is she:
this girl is my idol. seriously. i was gonna write a whole post just on her but since not enough people (aka jamie) know who she is, i thought, ill ooze her into my bloggin' world.
why shes a ho: kristin goes after what she wants too. she goes after boys even when she doesnt want them. if someone else does, she'll claim him too. just because she can.
why shes a dirty ho: she had ste-phen wrapped around her pinky toe (she doesnt need a whole finger. the boy was pussy whipped with a capital P and capital USSY) and was able to make out with hot boy sam right in front of him during his (meaning stephen's) senior year spring break (kristins a year younger).
why shes an admirable ho:
she played with player of the year talans heart and even managed to pull in some famous college booty (hello matt leinart!) while still in high school.
why shes a heartless ho: after best friend jessica confesses her huge crush on jeff, kcavs makes out with him at a party theyre all at. skankdalous!
why i admire her: she went from making the life of fellow 'guna alum lc a living hell every chance she got to slowly and painfully stealing the life of fellow mtv reality star jessica simpson (first the rumored dates with nick lachey and now a role as daisy duke in a prequel to the booty-licious stars "hit" movie).

is she really a slut or is she just really good at playing one? or two?
tiffani amber thiessen. someone give this girl an emmy please. the two major characters in her career are both sluts but polar opposite sluts. one being the "innocent pseudo slut who really is a slut" slut and the other the "downright strongminded bitchy slut who tries to play the innocent victim card when she gets in trouble but is too devilish to get away with it" slut. kelly kapowski and valerie malone do have a big slutty thing in common: they both banged or came close to bangin' all male members of the main cast and had a few dishes on the side. slutskyas!

kelly kapowski: the perfect girl of bayside high. even with a maroon face, she won the crown of homecoming queen. she was the most popular girl ever. especially with the boys.
the main players:
zack morris:
zack and kellys prom.
ac slater: the spandex twins.
samuel screech powers: kelly and screech?
the side dish:
jeff hunter:
remember, her hunky boss from the max? the reason she dumped zack outside at the prom while jessie and slater are singing "how am i supposed to live without you" in the gym.

valerie malone: had big shoes to fill (brenda walshs!), so this crazy buffalo native stormed into the 90210 the most anti brenda walsh way ever, by sleeping with everyone!
the main players:
steve sanders:
steve was still a horny college stud when val rolled into town. yeah, like he wasnt gonna bang her. cmon!
david silver: donna martin may be a moron but she knows how to pick the diamonds in the rough. her prudeness and his hot hormonal bod werent always in sync so of course hes gonna sleep with a girl whos always open. slut and slut.
dylan mckay: its dylan mckay. who wouldnt bang him?
brandon walsh: ok so their hook up was kinda incestuous because they were supposedly such close family friends but please, there was a sexual tension between brando and his twin brend. oh yeah, and valeries a big big slut too.
side dishes - talk about sloppy seconds. malones got similar tastes with martin. not only did she date/sleep with donnas future hubby david, she also fucked two of her boyfriends too. slutskya and slutskya!
ray pruit: she didnt even really like him. she just liked that she was having hot sex while holding blackmail over this abusive bastard. its like sticking it to the man indirectly but directly but not. a conniving slut. totally admirable.
noah hunter: he was such a dick but he was a dick with money. sex and money. every sluts dream come true. and she weaseled her way to it. admirable.

honorable mention sluts
penny lane:
why? because she has limits. bandaid rule number 1: just blow jobs and thats it.
britney spears circa 2000: why? she was jtims gf and yanking wade robsons chain too. do i need to show a pic from that years vma perf? of course i do! a pic of her peak:


Post a Comment

<< Home