all in my head

so, this going out nonsense. ive gotten a lot better at it. seriously. all my friends have been raving. ive been complaining a lot less and staying out a lot more. such a vast improvement. last night really made me think of my fun change in attitude. whats the cause behind this great new movement? what changed me into fun fun cassie?

maybe its what jamie said to me during our cab ride from waterloo. we only stayed at the club for under an hour because i felt nauseous and threw up in front of the place (just like a true spring breaker). she thinks i can control my nausea because im probably the one who causes it. i even discussed this theory with jill r and she partly agrees. she says anythings possible. look at what stress can do to people. my crazy thoughts can totally cause my body to go all crazy like as well.

so i tried to think positively as much as possible when i went out this weekend. what helped my positivity? my tan. i know im nutso but i really believe a tan makes people look hotter. its like the tux theory: a tux can make any man look delish and i believe the tan has the same effect. so my confidence, (yes i actually have some), was soaring because i felt hot and i felt hot because im tan. who knew some color can bring such joy.

when you look good, you feel good. its kinda like i was on a high, but you know that was probably because of something else ;) my going out-ness has gotten a lot better though, and not just because of my tan. its been an ongoing process ive been working on. the tan has just been the cherry on top. whats also helped - my drinking. im no alcoholic by any means but i do let some hit my lips (it taste so good, when it hits my lips... maybe home depot.) and after the most expensive meal at nobu, any drink i buy at a bar seems cheap to me so i buy and drink and have a jolly old time. yay.

maybe what also made me so cheery was the random action i got midweek. hehe. the out of the blue booty reminded me that im still attractive as hell and if i really want it, i can get it. ha. well, my thoughts waver from that and that maybe im just a ho (but being a ho can be fun). oh my minds been filled with crazy mumbo jumbo but at least the mumbo jumbo has been positive. jill r would be so proud.


special mention:
its been a crazy crazy week
friendster, friendster, gotta love that friendster
oprah - nice picnic!
joel. the spring break grandpa better call back.