update - bloggers block or slutty sloth

yeah. i havent written in a while. ive had a few "oooh, i should blog about that" moments, but none that have motivated me enough to actually do something though. ah. so i figured, might as well just jot these down into one little nifty update blog. bc my life is so damn entertaining. im sure my 3 readers are itching to hear all about my vida (non) loca.

• last i wrote, i was about to "declare jihad" (thats a fave line of my mans) on the usps. bastards didnt deliver the fantastic gift i found for the lbs dad on time. so, my man and i showed up to his fathers bday dinner empty handed. boo. we explained the sitch, my man even turned my fury for the postal service into a cute character story, "ive never seen her so heated. she even wanted me to make an irate phone call." much to my complete surprise, the lbs 'rents had a gift for me! they knew my bday was at the end of the month and they werent sure if they would see me before then so they gave me a gift that night. seriously, the plushiest most comfiest robe ive ever laid my hands and eyes on. ive literally worn it every night since i got it. its like wearing heaven. loves it! enough about me, the point of this bullet... uh point is is that the slippers finally arrived and they are kickin' (pun slightly intended). we're planning on making a small trip to jersey this weekend to give the lb's dad his much awaited gift. i cant wait. i also cant wait to get my mans old copy of kiss the girls.


• yes, the book by james patterson. i finished along came a spider two weeks ago so im eager to start the next book. i know. my man actually did it. hes been trying to ween me off of my fave rag mags and onto books. i know its partly bc of his disgust of the ridiculousness that celebrity has grown to be and also bc books are thicker than magazines hence keep me occupied for a longer period of time while hes being a vidiot. but im no submissive ho-bot. i agreed to try out this james patterson book bc reading is a good habit to pick up. it not only entertains me but my vocabulary with virtually no effort. ah, getting smart without trying. me likes that. especially the no trying part.


• i have been trying to put my foot down a lil more. its time to please ME! my man and i get along in almost all the time. almost. our tastes in tv shows and movies could not be more polar opposites. his faves would please any manly (with a childish streak) man - sports, cartoons, action. my faves would please any celeb gossip, celeb-reality obsessed teen to twenties girl/gay man. normally, this wouldnt be such a big deal to a couple but considering at least 70% of the activities we do together consists of sitting in front of the boob tube, a fight or two is just waiting to erupt. im a free flowin' monkey. i just go along with the swing of things. my man is a stubborn cock. he wont budge if he doesnt want to. even though i hate confrontations, ive actually liked telling him that im putting on MY shows bc I want to. "'cause im a woman. w-o-m-a-n!" not like that just shuts him up but the fighting has been fun. im learning to stick up for myself. girl power!


• "people of the world! spice up your life!" so no, im not one of the millions of girls who signed up for tix to the spice girls tour but i have been watching dancing with the stars. well, yeah i watch it every season but i must say, scary spice was a big draw to this season. shes most likely make it to the finale (which aint a shocker to me) but i must say im surprisingly liking jennie garth this season too. shes actually good. that cheetah girl should not be allowed on the show but then again, they let joey fatone compete last year so i guess its fair. seriously though, this is the year of mel b: gave birth to eddie murphy neglected daughter, got secretly hitched to some crook dude, got dna results proving her daughter is that nasty donkeys, became friends with his ex wife, is kicking ass on dwts and is getting ready to kick off a comeback tour. go scary! did i mention, her bod looks amazing. giving birth (and going on dwts) - the new hollywood diet.


• even though its so against my mental and financial nature (5 bucks for a cup of joe!) ive been addicted to starbucks lately. first it was the chai latte. now its the simple vanilla lattes. not just lattes too but their pastries as well. whatevers looking good that day - banana nut loaf, pumpkin cream cheese muffins, but this has to got to stop. yeah sure, a last minute change of costumes for jamies party leaves me some breathing room (the original was a belly baring costume), but ive only got 2 months and 3 days til anguilla (yeah, i havent been counting down or anything) and i will not be prancing around in paradise looking like a beached whale. not this hot mama. i aint letting go of my crown!


• before my rant about the usps, i was going to write one about driving. it sucks. maybe i have become a real city girl. yeah, one of my biggest pet peeves is foot traffic but honestly, its way way way better than car traffic. ugh, traffic, construction, idiot drivers, parking in nyc. these things just make me wanna mutter another fave line of my mans "THIS is why i dont own a shotgun bc everyone would be DEAD! (yeah, driving brings the best outta my man too.) trust me, i do have moments when a car would come in handy but those moments are so few they even all fall into the same category - heavy duty shopping. fine, having a car also lets me make random and spontaneous trips to li or nj but since the weather is getting colder, its harder to even get my lazy ass outta bed... or off the couch. and ive said this before and ill say it again, im a much calmer and happier person when im not driving. viva la mta!


• "time goes by so (NOT) slowly." can you believe its almost november. im sure that month will fly by and then itll be december when i become the po'est ho ever. ugh. im scared to see the staff list of the do to to and then multiply each name by 15 or 20 to come up with the size of the dent thats gonna leave in my wallet. and this is for people im not even related to. or talk to... by choice. i dont mind giving. i like giving. i love giving. i just hate paying. hate hate hate paying.

ah, so as time ticks by, my laziness kicks in, harder and harder. i was gonna sprinkle this post with a bunch of links bc im sure there are a few terms or people that i have mentioned that my 3 readers may not know of but sloth is telling me to just publish this and go home. maybe ill come back and link this motha up. but for now, im going home. good night.

the us postal service - a bunch of motherfuckin' slow ass asshole morons

can you tell by the title that i LOVE usps. now, i dont shop online too often but i like to surf the 'net when im looking for gifts or gift ideas for people. its basically my "research" before i actually go do the shopping. im an in n out type of shopper. so not a wandering try everything on type of shopper. i have the store and item in my head before i make the journey. anyhoo, my mans dad has a bday coming up and i really want to get him something super cool and fun bc thats what he is. plus hes easy to shop for bc hes got a sense a humor and a LOVE for the yankees (this love is the total opposite of my love for usps). anyhoo, so i got to crackin and found the most adorable plush yankee slippers that look like sneakers. they were so damn awesome that i ordered a pair for my man as well. just 'cause. anyhoo, i was beyond ecstatic about this stellar find. i didnt hestitate when i clicked on place order. since you have the backstory, now here is the timeline that started with a click of a button which grew into my LOVE for usps.

• 9/26 - hit confirm and do a small victory type dance in my cube. not only did i find a gift, but a kickass awesome one. woo hoo!
• 9/30 - 10/5 - expected arrival date range. woo hoo! just in time for the 10/6 bday dinner at lugers. yum!
• 9/30 - start my obsessive amazon.com track order checking. did i mention that this seller got crazy rave reviews. the stats looked good: 96% positive. awesome!
• 10/1 - 10/5 - freak out begins. tracking page says teh same thing day after day: "carrier notified to pick up package." who is the carrier? usps. im no dummy, i went straight to the usps site to track my package there. were the results any better? nah. exactly the same.
• 10/5 evening - after working a day at my parents store and realizing how much i hate driving (seriously, if i didnt LOVE the usps so much, id be blogging about driving) i track my package. ah! a glimmer of hope.
  • 10/4 at 10:30 pm - arrives in Springfield, MA.
  • 10/5 6:50pm: arrives in Jersey City, NJ.
  omg. jersey city! i could spit on jersey city from my apt. theres a terrific chance the package will arrive on time!
• 10/6 so we should just kill usps. check the status.
  • 10/6 7:19 am, arrives in 10036, recipient not home.
  argh! my zip is NOT 10036 but im assuming that the usps shipped my package to ny post office so they can distribute it appropriately. check the hours for all post offices in 10036 and all go Monday - Friday no fuckin saturday and definitely no sunday.

so yeah, i hate the post office bc a. it took them 4 days to finally recognize my package had to be shipped. and then b. the same carrier who geniusly left for new york on a saturday when they should know that there are no post offices open on saturdays (remember, theyre from the same company). they wasted a trip and my high hopes.
so yeah, the usps is a bunch of lazy ass motherfuckin slow biatchy morons. now im going to this lovely luger dinner sans the best bday gift i could find. ASSHOLES!

special mention moment:
my man bought me flowers! theyre the first ive ever received. he got them just bc. thats so hot.